Have relationships become pointless nowadays?

[Anonymous]

People nowadays break-up easily over everything (or one little argument is already grounds for break-ups), rarely does a relationship proceeds to marriage and kids (and even so, it's now regarded as a business institution rather than actually for the right purpose... to form a family and grow old with them).

Or people break up, dump the person for someone else and if the person is worse... sudden they're sorry and want to go back to their partner. They will only stay with the person and be faithful as long as they don't have any other option... but not for real commitment.

Overall has relationships become pathetic and ridiculous now? Are they nowadays pointless?

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

The whole moving in and living together... what for if you're gonna break up and then what next? All you'll have is memories, old photos and nothing else. What do they serve for? NOTHING. Pointless

[Varanus]

I strongly object to your assertion that the purpose of a relationship is marriage and kids.

A relationship can be about a number of things. Companionship. Love. Having fun together. Sex. Friendship. Affection. Socialization. And yes, occasionally marriage and/or reproduction. But the only requirements to a relationship are those of the individuals involved, and "success" of a relationship should not be defined by duration. A relationship is successful if everyone involved is a better person for having known the other (s).

You can have a lifelong marriage of misery and self-destruction. You can have a brief relationship where you explore the world and learn who you are. I think what's changed in the world is that people are less willing to put up with bad relationships for the rest of their lives. I envy people who marry and love each other for the rest of their lives, but that's very uncommon. People change over time, and sometimes in ways that no longer work together.

Breakups suck, but the fact of the matter is that we are highly social animals, and we need relationships to be healthy.

[ChrisMaster69]

In my opinion, this was the Most Helpful Girl Award.

It covers a lot of very pertinent points and is pretty much spot on.
🏆🥇

[jerdanro]

But do you agree that a healthy relationship requires work and give and take on both sides? Do you believe that some people are less willing to do this now?

[ChrisMaster69]

@jerdanro that’s always been the case about one side simply not bothering. It’s not a new thing, people in 2000 AD did not invent it,

Relate was founded in 1938 and is busier these days than ever before.

www.relate.org.uk/about-us/who-we-are/our-history

We are I believe more aware and face things better when a relationship is failing,

Also it’s more socially acceptable to be divorced these days.

A Divorced Catholic …. is not actually a thing.

Any relationship takes both sides to discuss things.

If one party cannot reconcile with the other then it’s over.

Far too many people stay together when they should have parted years ago

[jerdanro]

I agree with you, but I don't think that is every couple and I hope it's not most.

[Varanus]

@jerdanro A healthy long-term relationship definitely takes work. It takes empathy, listening, being open, ascribing good intentions to your partner, and learning from your mistakes.

I don't know if people are better or worse at this, but people are definitely much busier nowadays, and there's a lot more distractions in our culture than ever before. I think it's easy to fail at being a good partner because you're so overwhelmed with the flood of things demanding your attention that you lose track of what should be more important.

[jerdanro]

100% good answer!

[Cathy7734]

I read an internet article, written by a Psychologist, and he claims that nowadays people are dysfunctionally in love with each other. People have dysfunctional relationships. Healthy boundaries and communications are rare.

[bamesjond0069]

Well its because people have to settle so hard vs the past. Like im in the top level of men and i have lots of girls to choose from but they are essentially all trash. So I don't know what im supposed to do. I mean i finally found a virgin to date who is my girlfriend but she was never taught how to cook nor do a lot of things a woman should know. So here i am a man teaching her things she ought to already know just to be dateable. If there were other non sluts id date someone who had it figured out but there are essentially no virgins to date so i figure i got to try and put the effort in. But for real if i settled with some normal girl id fucking hate myself so much and treat her like shit. Like i dont get why id ever be faithful to a woman who fucked other dudes? Sorry but no fucking way. Kill me if thats what i have to look forward to. Smh.

[Asker]

Does she works at least? I hate to inform you but cooking is an important, useful skill everyone should know nowadays, not just women. Only one income isn't good enough nowadays, esp to support a family. If she doesn't know any other skills besides just cooking and cleaning (being cute having sex isn't a skill) then I can see why you're frustrated.

Why extremes? Why can't it be a girl that's been in a long-term relationship (then they broke up) but isn't a slut? Not being a virgin doesn't mean slut?

[Asker]

If I may ask why are you so focus on a girl's virginity so much, esp at your age?

[Asker]

I think for anyone to be dateable they should do these things:
- Cook and clean
- Manage a house
- Live on their own
- Work hard

[bamesjond0069]

No she doesn't work. Forget damn work or education. Literally the least important things a girl could possibly have. Are you a virgin? Can you cook to a level i dont have to eat out all the time and you could feed a family? Literally two top 5 items a wife needs to be top level desirable woman. Sorry but society lies to you what makes a woman marriageable or minimum relationship material. I earn well over basic 6 figures. I could give a rats ass about her income.

What does my age have to do with it? Im highly highly desirable. Im hot, ripped abs and athletic, make a lot of money hardly working, and i make great conversation and love kids. So if im so desirable and had to work to be this way... why shouldn't i be able to set my requirements as i see fit? I don't know why id not want a virgin? Why would i want to marry forver ever some girl who fucked around?

[bamesjond0069]

And thats your list of things for men. Your opinion on what men look for is irrelevant since you aren't a man. Just like if i say i think women should value a man who plays video games... it doesn't matter now does it? 😁

[Asker]

If your income is very high and you can afford supporting her and a family with the money or you're super wealthy, good for you. My father was just an average worker and nope, his income wasn't enough so as a kid, I grew up with both of my parents working. My father would work the day shift and my mother the night. Whoever had a day off was the one in charge of the household that day.

Since a girl that had a long-term relationship is also considered a slut, what about a girl that actually got raped? I have a friend that got raped a couple years ago? It was an obsessive stalker that couldn't take no for an answer. It was one of those awkward guys she tried to politely reject. He raped her, taking her virginity... what she was saving it for. That's the only single time she had sex... through rape. Is that damaged goods too?

[Asker]

As for cooking... that's easy. There are already two easy teachers: google and youtube.

[bamesjond0069]

The more sexual experience the worse it is. So one ltr is not a slut but its not ideal and to be raped once is not a slut either... but it comes down to pros and cons. Ok so you had one ltr... bring your A game in the other aspects and maybe id personally overlook it some men would some would not. But see sex is the worst place for a girl to not come as a virgin... its basically the only unique barganing chip to get a ring y'all have. Why marry a girl when i can get every single thing she has to offer from someone else but with less commitment/"cost"? Instead i could just not marry her and get a girl thats just as good easily with no commitment and then if she ever starts to be a bitch or gets fat or just upsets me in any way i can just get another one just as good...

[bamesjond0069]

As for cooking I've heard that before... and trying to play catch up off you tube is not a substitute for learning a skill. Its like saying as for playing piano there is youtube... yeah no... you need to put time in to get it to a decent level.

[Monfrere]

I agree about choosing a virgin :) but education doesn't mean job and income, it means better mindset so it is important as well!

[bamesjond0069]

@Monfrere well if a girl is not going to be working making money or working much, she can't be racking up college loan debt. And whether there is benefits to her having a further education it is mainly irrelevant to getting a man. Having a hs diploma vs trade school vs associates vs bachelors vs masters vs phd... im still going to choose the most beautiful virgin that can cook and has a sweet personality. An education isn't more important than many other things such that its mainly irrelevant from a mans perspective. It is a big negative if she has debt and its a negative if it exposes her to bad ideas ie feminism transsexual stuff etc. Plus statistically there are like 1% of virgins graduating with a bachelors... so you would be living in dream land if your strategy is to find an educated virgin. Shit its hard enough to find a virgin in general.

[Monfrere]

As long as not being educated doesn't mean
-Being ignorant
-Being extremely submissive with no personality and isn't aware of her rights as a female in society
-Being dependant on the man and stuck with him against her will to feed her even if they start to hate each other

Then ok let her do what she wants, even though having a diploma brings some security and she can work in case of divorce

Also cooking can be learned so it is not a problem :)

[bamesjond0069]

@Monfrere that attitude is what men dont want. here's your chance to be truly empathetic and look at it from someone elses perspective... as a man, why do i care if you can support yourself if say you cheat on me for example? Thats truly your problem. So its not a benefit to me that if we broke up you can support yourself. It may be a benefit to you but what do i care? So im still going to compare a girl with a masters degree to a girl with a HS diploma. Are you as hot? Can you cook as good? Are you as sweet? Do you have no debt? Oh you have debt? Instantly the hs diploma girl is more attractive. The benefit of you being able to support yourself if you leave me is not a benefit to me and thus you get no credit for it.

[Monfrere]

It is the first time I hear a guy talk like that honeslty in this 21st century, and yes you should care about her education if you love her so that when you die she can still live strong.. The important is that she is not a submissive toy and at the same time should respect you and you respect her..

[bamesjond0069]

@Monfrere there is a million ways to take care of a family upon head of households death. Her having a degree is probably the least useful one in all honesty. If she had a degree she got in her early 20s... will it even still be relevant and helpful in 15 or 20 or more years? Not really.

"The important is that she is not a submissive toy and at the same time should respect you and you respect her.." im not sure what any of this means. Sounds like mumbo jumbo. What does a degree have to do with submission and relationship dynamics? Plenty of women with phds and high paying careers are submissive to their husbands. Plenty of stay at home moms with no education past HS are the head of households. Not sure how its related to the conversation.

[bamesjond0069]

@Monfrere "It is the first time I hear a guy talk like that honeslty in this 21st century, " because its not popular to say or considered PC. doesn't mean this isn't how men think, they just dont want to share because usually it means screaming nasty women. So instead you get behaviors like ghosting or withdrawl to video games to avoid confrontation on the issue. Men do not like screaming crying angry emotional women. Surprise lol.

[Anonymous]

15. I remember on a long car journey my cousin had to sit on my lap. I was wearing track suit bottoms she was wearing a very short skirt. She could feel my hardness the whole three hour journey.
Our parents left unsupervised alone in the cabin while they went to a party and that night when I thought my cousin was asleep I crept into her parents room as I had spotted a porn dvd. I was getting into and looked over to see my cousin had walked in and was coyly smiling. She asked to see me finish and took off her top and I just came. She lay on the bed beside me and watched the porn with me, she got turned and rubbed herself to orgasm I got hard again and she sucked me off. It was my first blowjob. We started a sexual relationship after that

[Asker]

What does your sexual adventure with your cousin has to do with my general question about relationships not working out anymore?

[OlderAndWiser]

Depends on how carefully you choose your partner.

[hannahjo022]

Dating has changed over the years as I got older. All these new terms of dating is overwhelming such as ghosting, haunting when a ghoster comes back in someones life they ghosted, zombieing when someone who ghosted you and comes back into your life years later after they ghosted you, breadcrumming, and orbiting is the new ghosting. I had these situations before and it sucks when you meet someone thinking everything is doing good and they're interested in you then poof theyre gone. Social media and how you communicate has made dating harder.

[jerdanro]

Well said.

[averageguy4]

I've never had a break up over a small argument before, but then again i wouldn't date someone who would end things over just 1 argument. A relationship is amazing. The problem is a lot of people don't look at relationships as a team effort. A lot of guys just want something to put their penis in that will cook and raise kids. Some women just want somebody to pay for all their things. If your motivations are all about you then the relationship will suck. You need to make it about 'us' and find someone with the same mindset that you have a lot in common with. Only by doing this do you end up with a fulfilling relationship that isn't pointless.

[Anonymous]

The more I read posts like this the more I roll my eyeballs.

It's called standards sweetie. When someone attempts to get to know someone before engaging in sexual relations, etc. there's less chance of making a mistake and breaking up.

Today's generation was raised, in every way, that things are disposable. Broken car, get a new one. Dog is old, get a new one. Don't like your partner, get a new one. There is little commitment in any part of their life. If they'd standards, or more importantly morals, they'd have few issues.

[jerdanro]

I agree, but don't think that is everyone. At least I hope not.

[rosemilk]

You seem depressed... if you think it's all for nothing, then what else do you think is all for nothing? A job? Money? A place to live? Why bother with things that can make you happy? Just going to die someday anyways so why bother doing anything is what you're sounding like. I'm sorry you haven't found anyone that will last a lifetime yet. But hopefully you will one day and you will stop thinking so negatively while you're here on this earth for a limited amount of time 🌸

[CrotchRot]

I voted yes, but only because I choose to remain without a significant other. But, I don't think they are pathetic or ridiculous, as you have suggested.

It sounds like you are just irritated by bad experiences and that's fine, but it will likely pass.

[MotorcycleMan]

It seems that way to me sometimes, but I'm older.
It feels like relationships are more disposable now. Since a lot of people's lives is spent on social media, you can just block them or ghost them and they are gone. I think it's one of the rudest behaviors ever, but hey, I'm older. lol (why, back in my day... hey, get off my lawn!)
I certainly don't think they are pointless, but maybe it will take a little extra time to find the right match.

[jerdanro]

I couldn't have said it better!

[Tiptoetamm]

I've been married 8 years together 11. I don't do short relationship I'm a long term relationship kinda girl. We have been through a lot but it's made us stronger as individuals and as a couple

[exitseven]

Like anything else in life, you get out of it what you put into it. If you do not want to do the work to get to know another person and try to make the relationship work than you are wasting your time.

[Dude_777]

Relationships these days are nothing more than just showing off at social media.

Most people think that just because they have a good time together means they can have successful long term relationship. Totally wrong approach to relationships.

[Anonymous]

or when they cheat on you. or when you propose to that person first and they don't give you an answer if they want to marry you or not after 3 years of being with that person and months later that person get asked by someone else only to give them an answer after knowing that other person for a few months. or the many many other times they cheated prior while you're with them

[lovedejj_xo]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we have our ups and downs but we work it out. We live together.

[Asker]

Ok hope it last and it's for real commiment. People are nowadays different than in the past. More true love stories in the past.

[lovedejj_xo]

Yea it’s real we work through our issues perks of being able to regulate emotions.

[InferiorElegy]

I've never even been on a date but even I see this as pointless and no I'm not just being some pathetic, ugly, unwanted bitter loser, I mean I know I am that but it's not why I view relationships as being pointless.

[fred_durst]

yes
people expect relationships to be always happy , always fun , they can not tolerate any sign of weakness of their significant others
porn , vibrators , etc also play the role

[Asker]

exactly... they expect relationships to be my magical fairytales where no one ever disagrees at all and both are always happy

[Dchrls78104]

Today's relationships remind me of the roads of my country at times: unsafe because the wrong people have money to buy vehicles and get driver's licenses.

[Shihab91]

I've noticed something, that there are many people not ready to accept their partners' flaws and immediately label the relationship as toxic and start convincing themselves it's better to be single.

[johnsmithjs]

Some one that understands how much the 30 and younger crowd have fucked everything up, LMAO

[vald9inches]

Just marriage is pointless it actually ruins relationships in my opinion

[Asker]

That's because of the stupid court systems and institution changing the meaning of marriage. If it were beneficial to both parties then it wouldn't be pointless.

[Asker]

It used to be meaningful many years ago.

[Romeocuck]

The relationship situation nowadays is bad but that doesn't mean we should give up.. on the contrary we should work harder to make the relationship work

[Anonymous]

Reminder of how I resent and envy young couples, such as teens and early 20s

[Waldoe]

Humans need each other... being alone Sucks, I know... 71 and I'm going to die alone

[Asker]

yes but if it doesn't progress anymore and years are wasted for nothing... that's a big disadvantage for me too... that means I have less years to bear children, to form a family

[Asker]

Just think about it... if I were get involved in two of those long-term relationship where we move in together and it gets too comfortable.
Example: 6 years spent and it goes nowhere... you break-up
Then 4 more years in another relationship and it ends

That would be 10 years of my life wasted... that means the chances of forming a family deminishes

[Anonymous]

If positive/happy moments and periods of your life are pointless, then sure. To me they are not.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Almost maybe, you’re probably better off dating your cat.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Yeah, thanks to women, doing friends with benefits, ONS, and sugar daddies

[BUNroaster]

In I'd say most cases now yeah

[2021biguy]

I know how you feel, it seems that way.

[Anonymous]

Yeah seems like it, relationships are hard

[Asker]

They have become a joke nowadays. It got to the point I feel they're not even real relationships anymore. What's the point of living together when you're gonna break up? lol

[Opinion Owner]

That’s definitely a good test to find out if it will last

[Asker]

So if you live together with someone for lets say 6 years, only for it to end... that's 6 years of your life you've wasted you'll never get back.

[Asker]

Seems like the great option nowadays is just to be single and enjoying your life, not worrying about whether your relationship will last or not.

[Opinion Owner]

I suppose but everyone has to take that risk if they want a companion and even a family

[Asker]

Ok so if I were to take the risk of 6 years, then get into another relationship... live with yet another guy for 4 years... only to be wasted
Guess what? That's 10 years of my life wasted in total. By then, my chances of becoming a mother starts declining greatly.

[Opinion Owner]

There’s no way of knowing that ahead of time unfortunately, it’s all gained life experience

[Asker]

Then I think that's the reason there needs to be a timeframe. After the 2nd year, I think people should know by then where they are, what they want and if it's going to sooner progress to forming a family. 4-6 years (unless they just got out of HS) I think it's too long to be stuck on the same position, whether in a relationship, job, or elsewhere.

[Asker]

time is unforgiving afterall

[Anonymous]

They are non-beneficial for most men

[Kas19]

Totally.

[Sam_The_Savage]

You hurt?

[Asker]

Perhaps. I've also seen too many people wasting years of their lives, only for it to be over... not progressing further. That means years wasted someone can't never get back.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Girl I feel you really get hurt in relationship.

[eyekneepain]

I meant to click yes