Should I stay in contact with my ex?

[Anonymous]

I know normally the automatic answer is NO if I want her back but I believe my situation is not like most.
We dated for over 2 years and I was her first relationship so she has very little experience. Our relationship was almost like friends anyway very little if any intimacy, a hug here and there or a quick kiss once in a while.
her reasons for ending things are still unknown to me. she said she doesn’t know what she wants in a relationship and she’s not happy with her life and is too stressed from work and wants to go back to school.
The main reason I’m asking this is because a few days after the break up I asked her if we could be friends to which she immediately replied yes and then I asked if i can text her now and then and she also said yes.
It’s worth noting that I know there is no one else she’s spending her time with. She has hardly any friends and the only 2 she has, one of them lives far away from her and the other is an older woman.
She does not receive much attention from men despite being pretty. I know this because her FB selfies have no comments or likes from guys and she is such an introverted and traditional girl that guys know better than to try anything.
So with my situation explained should I do the no contact (which doesn’t seem to bother her since she’s use to being alone) or just be friendly and check up on her regularly to try to remain in her life since she has no social life without me even if it means we only become friends and nothing else?

[BruceJender]

"I know normally the automatic answer is NO if I want her back but I believe my situation is not like most." - I doubt that.

"her reasons for ending things are still unknown to me. she said she doesn’t know what she wants in a relationship and she’s not happy with her life and is too stressed from work and wants to go back to school." - These are the excuses women give to avoid hurting your feelings. What she's really saying is 'I've lost attraction'

"The main reason I’m asking this is because a few days after the break up I asked her if we could be friends" - You want her back, so why are you asking to be 'just friends'? Tell her you've changed you're mind, that you want her and want to be exclusive, and to get in touch if she changes her mind. Never contact her again, unless she does.

"She does not receive much attention from men despite being pretty." - Trust me, she does.

"I know this because her FB selfies have no comments or likes from guys and she is such an introverted and traditional girl that guys know better than to try anything." - STOP stalking her. Have you any idea how bitter you sound?

You need to stop reaching out to her altogether. You sound like a fucking jerk right now the way you're talking about her being 'used to be alone', 'men not going for her'.

[Asker]

I can take an ass chewin but this is stuff I’ve heard from her parents. She doesn’t make friends well I know this after a 2.5 year relationship with her and no one else was in her life at the time with the exception of one friend.

[BruceJender]

You sound exceptionally attached to this girl. Just back off for now, see if she gets in touch. If she does, invite her out to drink or something.

[Asker]

I am but thanks for your advice

[coachTanthony]

----------------You are asking us to decide whether or not you should remain friends with her or go no contact? You need to answer this yourself. Clients of mine who are in love with their ex go no contact with them so they can get over that person and move on to somebody that does want the relationship that they want. I think you are just staying friends with her because it's easy and easy is much better then doing the work to move on. Could be wrong but again I don't know how you feel so if you are over her then be friends if you are not then stay the F away from her so you can one day be in a better place and move forward with someone who values what you want. Either way good luck man.

~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[annaphoo]

My take is " YES". Please stay in contact with her. There is no reason for you guys to be apart as strangers because there was no significant problems between you and her. I know what she is afraid of. She is still not sure about her feelings as it was her very first relationship. Of course she may be confused and listless. You can stay by her side and help her to be confident enough to be in a relationship with someone and who knows, one day she may become clear of what she wants and that could be you. Be her friend first because that's what she needs right now.

[Asker]

She did mention that during our break up talk saying that maybe if we had been friends first instead of jumping into dating right away things might have turned out better.

[annaphoo]

Yes that's the point. Girls like her always need time to build bond with someone else. She wants to make sure that she has feelings for you and also wants to confirm your feelings for her. Rushing is not working with people like her. It's still not too late. Start over again if you still love her.

[Asker]

Thank you any idea how i should proceed should I tell her this? Maybe ask her if we could hang out as friends after a while and try to start again or will that shut her down?

[annaphoo]

No don't tell her about the whole idea. Just tell her that you will be there as her friend whenever she needs someone. You have to make her open up to you more and feel comfortable with you. No pretending, no pushing and pulling. Just be there for each other. Just be someone who she is always looking for and everything will fall into the right place at the end.

[Asker]

Thank you for your insight.

[Hxxmx]

Going by all you said, i can say YES. however it is obvious you are really into her, so you should place your mental stability be into consideration too.

You say she is an introvert and doesn't have friends and all, which means you are the only person close to her and physically present.
I do not think you are ready to see another person come that close.

[Asker]

She is my dream girl and I can’t understand why she bailed we had a good relationship. No fighting or arguing and she said we could keep in touch but when I texted good morning she ignored it.

[Hxxmx]

Sorry about that. It may be that she agreed at first so she wouldn't hurt your feelings.

[TommyMountainFigure]

It strikes me as something you already know the answer to, but in case you have doubts. Of course you and her should keep in contact. I doubt your relationship will be that much different to what you already had, except for the label of boyfriend/ girlfriend will be different.

[Asker]

Yeah the only thing that gives me doubt is that even though she will reply immediately and is polite she ends the conversation fairly quickly and she also unfriended me on FB.

[TommyMountainFigure]

That sheds new light on your question that I didn't know before. I'd be careful. let me explain. If you still have feelings for her, the set up you asked about will really hurt you in the long term. See, she's accepted it's over and will gently wean herself off of you, but there is a danger that you will at the back of your mind think there is still a chance. That isn't healthy.

[Asker]

Our relationship wasn’t that close anyway I know it’s stupid that it meant a lot to me but we only saw each other about once a month and didn’t even talk everyday. I just thought she was independent and that was ok which she is and it was but I did not expect her to end it I thought she enjoyed our time together when we had it.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm really sorry because I can see you are hurting over this. When relationships end out of the blue and you aren't prepared for them they really can knock the stuffing out of you.

Knowing what I know now, I really don't think contact with her will be good for you. The real danger is if talking to her becomes a drug and you get addicted. I think that might already be the case..

[Asker]

Well yeah I’m attached that’s for sure but it’s the fact that I know she has no one else in her life except family and a cat lol

[TommyMountainFigure]

She has nobody else in her life out of choice. She had someone who cares for her a lot... YOU, but she ended it.

[Asker]

That is true and I can’t understand why.
Thank you for your insight.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm just sorry I can't offer you the advice you want to hear, not with what I know now because you seem like a nice fella and didn't deserve that.

[Hxxmx]

My thoughts too, but it seems he is not over her/ ready to get over her and that is worrisome.

[MotorcycleMan]

I am still friends with every woman I ever dated. Some of us stay in touch and talk from time to time and catch up on each other's lives. Some of us have gone on double dates with our new dates (after a significant time apart). I talk to one of them almost daily. It's only awkward if one of you wants to get back together, or a new girlfriend/boyfriend is jealous.

[MotorcycleMan]

I always think that true friendship is the most important thing. Use caution though. If she broke up with you, let her reach out to you. Saying they want to remain friends doesn't always mean they do. I assume they don't, but I'm here if they want to talk.

[JoeyRock]

Why would the automatic answer be no? Do you want to stay in contact with her or not? Ignore the fact that she's your ex. Would you still be friends with her regardless?
The better question is: can you stay friends with her and nothing else more?

I think it's important for people who went trough a relationship together and broke off in good terms to still maintain a level of contact. Don't immediately close her off just because you two used to be together.

[CanadianGirlx23]

If it was an amicable breakup, I don't know why not. If you're on good terms with her, I don't see a problem contacting her

[Asker]

It was for the most part I pushed back some but not much. However I did say good morning to her and she ignored me.

[rienna888]

Yeah depends if you still have feelings for her or not. If you do, you really shouldn’t. But if you feel for her as a friend, then just keep her as a friend and ignore her

[Asker]

I follows some of this advice and reached out in a friendly way and got ignored. She’d never down that before. So now I have no choice but to forget her.

[rienna888]

Yeah you really don’t need that. Just ignore her until she reaches out

[sensible27]

If you like them as a person why would you want to get rid of them? The no contact thing just seems to be a general rule to avoid desperate moves

[Asker]

She told me we could keep in touch but then ignored me when I said asked how she was doing a few days later.

[dudeinohio]

Well, I never have ever communicated with exes... except my ex wife who I have kids with. When the relationship is over, that's it. It helps you move on to someone else and doesn't cause drama if you meet someone new... best to leave her alone.

[NightHawk99]

If she isn't happy in her life despite dating you, she ain't worth it. At least in my opinion

[Asker]

Yeah that’s the conclusion I’m coming to. All she does is work, nap, Netflix, and repeat I’ve never met a girl like her that just wants no social life.

[In_Trance]

Your situation is exactly like most

[Anonymous]

She was in her 20s and never had a boyfriend until you?

[Asker]

That’s correct met at 27 I’m her first boyfriend and first kiss. She just walked away with out much explaining.

[Opinion Owner]

First ever boyfriend and first kiss at 27? I've always found it a little bit more shocking to hear of a woman being single longer than normal than for a guy since women don't have to do the pursuing

[Asker]

Yes I thought it was very weird I even asked the friend who introduced us why is she single? But I chalked it up to her being a traditional girl who would not get physical before marriage which in today’s world is enough to make most guys lose interest quick but there more to it than that I think.

[Asker]

Another point that is weird is that even though she is attractive she seems to have very little attention from guys I noticed this the first few months I knew her before we dated. No dudes commenting on her selfies and no likes or even much of a social life at all. But I’m starting to think she likes it that way.

[Poppykate]

it’s always worth a try being friends.

[YOLOIFIC]

Short answer: No
Long answer: Fuck no!

[YOLOIFIC]

Before everyone thinks I’m an asshole obviously his life his choice. In my experience even an “amicable breakup” which is a myth in my opinion doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

You always want what was but it didn’t work for a reason and it’s not like anything has significantly changed in reality. Did I kiss my exes? Absolutely, if they expressed interest in rekindling the relationship within a few years of the breakup I might of considered it but more likely than not regretted it.

Granted there are some that try again and it works which is why only you can decide what’s going to work for you. But to me it’s better to move on and live your life than flirting with chasing the past and standing in one place.

[_bunny_]

No don't it's always a bad idea

[HairyPoppins]

Unless you have kids hell no dude. move on.

[EstevanMadrid898]

It depends how much you care for her

[Asker]

I care for her a great deal and told her that.
Saying I’d like to be friends and she agreed and said we can keep in touch but when I messaged to ask how she’s doing a few days later she ignored me.

[EaterPeter]

No, if you don't have kid with her, no.

[Scottty2hottty]

Totally up to you dude. I personally would not.