Is it okay to stay in touch with your ex while you’re in a relationship?

[Shellyworld]

Some people do this by the way that’s why I’m asking..

[Apope16]

Hell No.

A girl on bumble asked me this the other day. She said she thought it was okay. I said no way. Then she unmatched me.

I have a female best friend. I spent years in the friend zone and women told me all of their stories and secrets. I am an alpha now but still have my female best friend. She has an ex boyfriend that she still talks to who lives 4 hours away. At night he will message her begging her for sex. Whenever she feels like it she will tell him that she wants to fuck and she's horny. This dude will drive 4 hours to see her and fuck her. Then drive home the next day. She has sex on demand with her ex boyfriend even when she is dating other guys.

Let me make this very clear... The only reason why a woman continues talking to her ex boyfriend is for the purpose of romantic intent or sex in the future. Us men call this a male orbiter. This is absolutely not okay at all. A man will have sex with a fat whale just to cum deep inside it. So of course he is going to swing by and have sex with his ex girlfriend if she gives it up for free.

I would be very suspicious of the "he's just a friend" BS. Ask yourself ladies. Why is it that you need to talk to your ex boyfriend? Emotional validation? Attention? Why can't you get that from a new guy or a guy that you are dating? No no no. Basically when a woman still talks to her ex is because she is emotionally cheating. A woman spends a lot of time priming up their sexual encounters. They pour out their attention and emotion in making these connections and getting attached before having sex with a guy. She is texting him. flirting with him. having deep conversation with you. So this woman in a relationship basically starts to see her current boyfriend as a placeholder. Before she dumps current boyfriend or cheats on him she has already been emotionally invested in the ex boyfriend for days or weeks or months.

This is why when a woman cheats it is WORSE. When a woman has sex with a man it is an emotional investment and attachment. Guy's are different. When a guy has sex it is just pleasure. It is a physical dopamine high like taking a shot of addictive heroin. But for a woman she spends weeks building up emotional connectors of love and attachment before inviting the ex over.

The only way talking to an ex is okay is if it is some guy who has been friendzoned for months or years. Most likely she has been open about who she is dating and is transparent about their conversations. Also she maybe invites her current boyfriend to be with her when he meets her. But it is a slippery slope. I am telling you. Women have personally told me their stories about how they have hooked up with and fucked ex boyfriends.

Women should not let guys do this. If a guy still talks to his ex it is most likely setting up sex.

[NathanDavis]

don't smear all this bullshit on "us men" make it your own and that's it, if you call yourself a man that is.

[Apope16]

@NathanDavis I have no idea what you are saying. But there is no reason why anyone should be still in contact with their ex. Plain and simple.

[ChrisMaster69]

@Apope16 lol bollox

I am still good friends with my ex wife we have a daughter, so basically your the guy that disowns his family.

I am equally in touch with a couple of ex girl friends, we even have drinks now and then.
Funny old thing in the real world, you can be friends and remain in contact with ex’s and have a happy fuck filled life with other women.

[NathanDavis]

Sure, pretend that I just didn't call you out directly and straight on the bitter-nonsense-braindiarrhea that comes out of you quite often, that's what I usually expect from so-called "alpha men"

[Apope16]

@ChrisMaster69 Wait. What? No no no. If you have a kid with someone that is completely different. SOrry about the mis understanding bro!

[ChrisMaster69]

@NathanDavis I love the bollox about Alpha men.

Quick example

A guy on my team, in a pub was talking to these girls, telling them how he was The Alpha blah blah, so for shits and giggles I asked his manager (works for me) to tell him to go buy the team drinks like a good boy.
So his manager a younger and smaller woman, wanders over and tells him to get drinks in, when he tried to get out of it she reminded him he was not in charge.
Pretty much our entire table pissed themselves laughing.

Unless you are the CEO of a company, you are someone’s bitch.

[NathanDavis]

@ChrisMaster69 lmao... and some never learn, or they just wait for their next act, because that's all they really have, so.. . a new audience.

[CallMeDave]

I think it's fine as long as it's a completely platonic relationship. I have stayed in contact with all of my exes for at least a while after the breakup. One I stayed friends with for more than 10 years. We weren't close friends but we kept in touch and would occasionally do things together like go for a hike. She even attended my wedding (with the approval of the bride with full knowledge of the prior relationship).

I'm connected on social media with two of my exes now and my partner is connected with some of hers. One that she has children with she talks with frequently and sees at least once a week (mostly related to the children). We've gone to dinner with another one a couple times (once with his wife and once with just him). That doesn't bother us because we know that those relationships are over and we're committed to each other now and not interested in those people romantically/sexually any more.

If there's any kind of flirting or discussions about missing each other or sexual things then that would be a problem because it's threatening to the current relationship, but as long as it stays platonic I think it's fine. We stay in contact with former classmates or coworkers that we didn't even know very well, so why not stay in contact with people that were once important parts of our lives?

[btbc92]

No-NO-NO! Why?

No: You are in a RELATIONSHIP. You shouldn't be contacting exes unless your partner or who your with have no qualms about it and the ex is not interested in getting with you romantically. It is still a big no, because even if you are not interested, THEY may be interested in sabotaging it. For the sake of your relationship, DON'T. Any conversations should be greatly limited due to any sexual past or intent. Would you like it if he has done this to YOU with somebody else he had a past with? Unless it is strictly platonic and there was no sexual history, again would like it if your boyfriend or husband did this?

No: Because did I just mentioned that you are IN a RELATIONSHIP?

No: Especially because other people do this. It's your life, your relationship that is on the line. Your the one who has to deal with the consequences, and your boyfriend will be the victim of your negligence.

It is disrespectful. Either respect your partner or have none at all.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I stay in touch with 2 of my exes and my boyfriend knows about it, we've even all hung out a couple times. I think it's easier when its people who you were starting to date, but not fully committed to in a long relationship. A lot of those "2/3- month" relationships, aren't really relationships. It's when you figure out, oh hey, neither of us are really into each other as much as we think we are. But you're still a cool person and you live close.

I like bike rides, you have friends that like bike rides. Let's go biking on a Sunday morning because why not. As long as you aren't sneaking off to hang out with your ex at odd night hours, or texting them everyday, or complaining about your current relationship, it's fine to stay in touch. I think it means that both parties were mature enough to not sabotage everything.

[ragequeen]

Stay in touch? Nah. Only if they have children together. Otherwise, I see absolutely no point. I delete absolutely all my exes and people I don't have in my life anymore. Even if we quit on good terms. It's mainly for me so it's easier to move ahead, and it's also out of respect for my future partner.

[TruthBringer]

"Even if we quit on good terms. It's mainly for me so it's easier to move ahead, and it's also out of respect for my future partner."

That's what I call having a good head on two shoulders. Very well said!

[Cynicaldreamer]

Unless you and your ex have kids together and you're discussing your kids with them? Absolutely not!!!

Why would you stay in contact with your ex when you have another partner that cares and wants you? I don't know; it seems a bit disrespectful to your current partner.
If I did break up with my ex on good terms, and I was in a relationship, I might occasionally say hello to said ex if I see him. But will I actively reach out to spend time with him? NO.

[Inexpensivefurniture]

Sure. There are absolutely NO romantic or sexual feelings between me and the girl I dated in highschool, and we still text constantly and hang out every few months. She's a good friend who I've known since I was 15, I'm not gonna cut her out of my life because she might make my partner uncomfortable.

My last ex still saw his ex boyfriend often because they ran in the same friend circles. A few times he even gave my boyfriend a ride to work. I never once worried anything was going on because I trust the people I date and I expect the same from them.

[ChrisMaster69]

I’ve stayed in touch with my ex wife throughout various relationships.

A lot comes down to trust.

it’s always humorous when ex wife meets current girlfriend etc lol.

so depends on how they are with ex, worth having an open discussion with him

[TruthBringer]

That's an absolute no no from me. Never have I witnessed a self-respecting person accept such behavior. An ex is an ex. Meaning someone in the past. Staying in touch with an ex means you've never truly moved on. Which is disrespectful towards the person you're dating now.

[MsTaniaUncensored]

Yes as long as you are open with your partner and are not lying about it. Be honest with your new partners that some of your exes are an important part of your life and you are friends. Do this when things start getting remotely serious and do not wait. You want to make sure they know right away. Any delay may make it seem like you are hiding something and makes you look guilty of something even when you are not.

[D4nielv]

In this thread: people that are either overly jealous or sexist. Newsflash, an ex that you're still in touch with is called a friend. If you're deciding with friends your partner gets to keep, because you can't deal with your own paranoia, then you're toxic.

[Paolaa988]

I don’t see the point because an ex is an ex for a reason. We broke up for a reason, it didn’t work out for a reason, being friends and staying in touch sounds toxic and strange if you ask me. If you have kids together that’s a different story. Honestly I don’t know why some people do, I find it pointless.

[Siren777]

No. I've made peace with all exes and they have my number but they're all blocked. After all I don't want to hear, see or engage in anything with them again. I believe the past should remain in the past. I don't bring old baggage into new relationships. I highly advise against this. It can cause so many problems in a relationship. Unless you have a kid with someone and have to stay in contact for obvious reasons but other than that no.

[ohshee]

If you have a child together or if there's a reason that you need to be in touch with each other I don't see why there should be a problem I'm not in touch with any of my ex's but we have remain friends but I wouldn't go out of my way to talk with any of them or anything like that love this is very important

[red324]

When it comes to ex's the only thing I ask for is a non bs reason for why she doesn't want to be with me. If she wants to keep in touch occassionally and be mature I guess that's fine. The girl i'm dating doesn't need to know she's an ex. It's none of her business.

[RingOfFire]

I would say that unless you had children with them and need to for their sake the answer is no. There should be no reason to do that and it might hurt your SO even if they say it doesn't. If you are in another relationship its best to make it a clean break.

[JBR1957]

Do you really need to ask this question? Let me queasy this is one of those girls asking girls questions lol. I remember when guys would toss out how nasty some hoe was I’d make a note and shag her later.

[CurlyGirl42]

Yes, it can still be a friend. Shows they probably had a good, respectable relationship till the end and can handle break ups well. Super qualities in my book.

[iseekpinetrees]

It's okay if you both moved on. I'll have exs who contact me like once a yr or so and we just update on what's going on in life etc n that's pretty much it.

[Anonymous]

why bother? what is the point? unless you have a child with them, don't even bother. you have to give me a damn good reason why you're still in touch with your ex while you're in a new relationship. bet you can't think of one...

[Midnight_Kiss]

Why would you want to stay I contact with you ex (unless children are involved) an ex is an ex for a reason.

[The_Maphio]

If anything, it's a tad disrespectful.
But depending on why you're keeping contact, it could be tolerable.

[HawkPerception]

I keep in touch with my ex. We ended on good terms. As long as you understand ans respect boundaries and it's not 24/7, then yes it's fine. It requires a certain level of maturity though.

[jasmine_0603]

It depends what your current partner thinks about it, what type of a person your ex is and your feelings for them. Personally, I wouldn't do it.