I (25 yo female) have been with my boyfriend (24 yo male) for about 6 months. Because of past insecurities and needing to know somebody very well emotionally before dating, he is my first proper boyfriend, I'm worried that my insecurities (and my boyfriend's personality which [not deliberately] feeds that) is damaging things.
In answer to the question of why I haven't spoken to him, 1) As with many other things, I catastrophise and overthink and don't even know if these are even genuine issues and 2) My self confidence is so low that I am too worried too, and just think he will leave me and find another less weird girlfriend.
From what I've gleaned from his friends and parents, he doesn't often have serious girlfriends, and I do sometimes wonder if he is (entirely unintentionally) immature on that part, and being entirely unaware that some behaviours upset/perturb me (although given that my self-confidence is so low, that doesn't take much!) This is the view of my friends, and surprisingly, my mother who described him as "a totally genuine and well-meaning yet emotionally immature dolt."
I would be very grateful to any responses to this post - this is *not* me wanting false validation/immediate commands to dump him and end things, but I feel that there are several problems (all intermingled) that are very much upsetting me.
Firstly, whereas I am the more "wear your heart on your sleeve person" he is I suppose the more silent type - I can tell he's so happy when we're together, as am I, and we share the same sense of humour, in-jokes, and date ideas, but I suppose as an old romantic, I would have liked... some sort of acknowledgement by now. I'm not expecting an "I love you" so soon, but I do worry that he doesn't even like me, and more just the idea of a girlfriend. I also worry that if something were to happen (e. g. a crisis where I needed his help) that he wouldn't think, or know how, to be there for me.
(CONTINUED BELOW IN COMMENTS)
In answer to the question of why I haven't spoken to him, 1) As with many other things, I catastrophise and overthink and don't even know if these are even genuine issues and 2) My self confidence is so low that I am too worried too, and just think he will leave me and find another less weird girlfriend.
From what I've gleaned from his friends and parents, he doesn't often have serious girlfriends, and I do sometimes wonder if he is (entirely unintentionally) immature on that part, and being entirely unaware that some behaviours upset/perturb me (although given that my self-confidence is so low, that doesn't take much!) This is the view of my friends, and surprisingly, my mother who described him as "a totally genuine and well-meaning yet emotionally immature dolt."
I would be very grateful to any responses to this post - this is *not* me wanting false validation/immediate commands to dump him and end things, but I feel that there are several problems (all intermingled) that are very much upsetting me.
Firstly, whereas I am the more "wear your heart on your sleeve person" he is I suppose the more silent type - I can tell he's so happy when we're together, as am I, and we share the same sense of humour, in-jokes, and date ideas, but I suppose as an old romantic, I would have liked... some sort of acknowledgement by now. I'm not expecting an "I love you" so soon, but I do worry that he doesn't even like me, and more just the idea of a girlfriend. I also worry that if something were to happen (e. g. a crisis where I needed his help) that he wouldn't think, or know how, to be there for me.
(CONTINUED BELOW IN COMMENTS)
Updates
+1 y
Also, the time we spend together. I have met his parents several times and he mine, and many friends etc, and happily just booked our first holiday (with a bit of nudging from me) but on a general week we usually only see each other on Friday evenings and Saturday daytimes, although we both both work and live maybe half an hour away on the London tube. Whereas he seems perfectly fine with this level of interaction, I had hoped that as we dated for longer that we would spend more time together.
Updates
+1 y
He seems fine with this level of interaction along with a few texts a day (we do occasionally meet for lunchtime dates, too) but (as a very insecure and needy person, I know) I see this as my not being important to him and it is really making me feel like an afterthought. However, I feel that if I bring it up, I'll look too needy and lonely. I would happily spend almost all our time together (a la romantic films, I suppose!) but I feel he definitely prefers his own space.
