Yes.
To have a long term, happy, connected, bonded, intimate relationship there are some things you need to do.
You need to avoid getting into ruts and routine. Don't just go to work and come home and watch TV. You'll grow apart... get bored. Keep going on dates, keep trying new things together, going to new places together, keep courting each other as if you are still dating. Do not fall into the lazy "I've won their heart and gotten an commitment so I no longer need to try anymore".
Also, you both need to keep looking nice for each other. Stay healthy and fit, he should exercise, both of you should dress nice for each other fairly regularly. Keep that sex appeal going. Don't get lazy and let yourself go. You'll grow bored of each other and others will star to look tempting to you.
Surprise each other from time to time. Plan dinners dates occasionally as a surprise for each other and such.
Keep the passion alive, stay hot for each other, keep dating and courting. Do not quit, get lazy, get fat and plain looking and come home every night and watch TV and grow apart.
You say your husband doesn't care. Don't make that assumption. Try to keep looking nice, sexy, in shape, do your hair and wear make up from time to time.
A lot of this we do for our own mental health and well being.
pretty much everyone feels good when they go out nicely dressed.
you get that little kick knowing you feel good, look good and smell good.
Also people in relationships including married tend to get comfortable and complacent.
If you just do something slightly different, making yourself look good (not two tons of make up etc) but subtly, then chances are he will take notice, it’s flirting without flirting, sparking that potential interest that originally attracted him to you.
@Subarugirl thank you for MHG most appreciated
Of course
He may say that, but I think he still wants you to every now and then. You have to never stop dating your partner. Never stop. You need to keep the spark going in your marriage.
I think that is a lot easier said than done. We weren’t really even dating even when we were haha
So after reading through the comments and replies I have some questions.
Do you even care about being married? Do you love your husband and want to stay married to him?
I've read several comments that clearly insinuate that you don't care about being married, or staying married. You seem very, very unhappy. I could be wrong but that's the impression you're giving.
If you need someone to talk to about it, feel free to DM me.
Yes I love my husband and no I don’t want to leave him.
Yes you should care. If he doesn’t care about your appearance then you’re either really happy in your relationship… or it’s going to end
Opinion
33Opinion
Yes you should. because if for nobody else in the world do it for yourself. To make yourself feel good. I know some days it's like fuck it. But we all are looking in that mirror.
Your husband may not appreciate what a lovely wife he has but you should always want feel good and part of feeling good is looking good.
Being married and married with kids especially we get caught up in everyday life.. but there should be no reason that a husband shouldn't let his wife know that she is just as lovely as the day you said I do.
I am a true believer that a woman no matter how much of a pain in the testicles they may be are a gift and should be treated as such when ever possible.
Trying to get fixed up doesn't make me feel good about myself, It almost always makes me feel worse.
About my self or about how I feel about the way I look?
I think it's good if a woman doesn't feel the need to be dressed sexy all the time. To me, it shows that she feels comfortable around me. I actually enjoy it when she wears her pajamas, comfortable clothes, simple cotton underwear, when she's not using makeup. I love her anyway, and I think she's beautiful no matter what, and I really like it when she feels all comfortable.
If she uses makeup, nailpolish, or dyes her hair, it's because she wants that and not to impress me.
Why do women want or need a mans appoval. can't they just do it for themselves. You dont need a man or anyone to tell you look good.
If you wanna to go though all the hassle more power to you.
When was the last time you heard a man say. Steve them jeans sure look stunning on you. I wish I had your butt to pull that off.
We would sounds like a bunch of fags
It can have a long term effect on your subconscious self-worth. I stopped working out for a while and even though my partner at the time didn’t care, I noticed that I felt more down on myself for not trying to put forth my best effort in presenting myself. It’s like wearing a power-suit.. they make you feel powerful. Just make sure you feel good about your efforts and who you strive to be. If you feel that you’re “bringing it” you’re more likely to aim higher in general.
I have always been "fit" but I don't ever in my life remember actually liking they way that I look. No one else seems to care either so I have a hard time seeing the point in even trying. Even if I work out and lose a bunch of weight it won't get rid of or change the things that I don't like about myself.
I’m really sorry you feel that way about yourself. I didn’t mean to diminish what you’re going through. I just always believe in putting one’s “best foot forward.”
For sure in certain situations yeah, but Im already married and I already have a good job. So what's the point in trying to look appealing for other people?
If it makes you feel less happy than when you do it, then maybe it isn’t for you.
That's kind of what I was thinking
You seem secure in your choice and I think that’s important.
Ask him what is it that HE would particularly go crazy about? You should not stop whatever makes YOU feel nice and atrractive etc. However it os very likely that there is something he likes that he never communicated to you or you never understood he cares for.
weather your married or not , its called self esteem. you have to care about you. get all dolled up , you might get more flies than honey. who knows you might find a better bed partner. you won`t know till you try. maybe you should go to bed with other men real men. its good for your self esteem.
My self esteem is fine, I just have no intention or desire (generally) to draw attention to my self in public. I don't want "flies".
You should care for yourself. If you stop trying in that area, you'll likely stop trying in other areas, too.
Then blue should try too right?
@Subarugirl. Is he not building a business so you can have a job (a cake job working for your husband), and you are still dissatisfied with him?
@KrakenAttackin no actually, he is building a business to further his career and pay of his student debt. I have great job that I love but once we move, if he needs my help I would support him, how ever I could until he didn’t need me than I would go back into my own field.
The point is you should want to give him your best self. If you love him why would you want to give him not the best? And aren't you growing as a person? Don't go backward. He may not care but I assure you he notices the difference.
in a way yes in a way no. dress up just to make yourself feel good from time to time or just for your husband
You should keep yourself maintained for yourself, its not a good thing to say that i dont care about your looks to woman and that too his wife, when you are putting so much effort least he could do is praise about it and make you feel special
Why should I do it for myself? Often times I feel worse about myself after I try to "maintain" myself
Does he compliment the way you look regardless or doesn't he appreciate your appearance at all?
It doesn't hurt me
Don't neglect yourself.
Live for yourself as well.
If you feel better looking better then you should still care. Taking care of your appearance is proven to make you feel better mentally. If not for him do it for you
That's up to you. Dress as sexily or as comfy or any combination of the two you like.
You should for yourself if you care, but not for him
I guess I do but I am never happy with how I look, so I just over trying
I take care of my self. Im hygienic and I wear cloths that fit properly and are appropriate for the situation, and minimal make up do to social expectations. I just have a hard time seeing the point beyond that.
Yes you should.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/mZbusN-n8rEHow, exactly, did he express that to you?
That would change everything.
Probably through the lack of expressing anything
Mostly he just complains about how he looks
We both have though I would let say that either of us are technically over weight. I still shower and put my hair back, make sure that my cloths are clean and fit properly. I just have a hard time seeing the point beyond that
um yeah I think so
Aren't you getting good feedback in here about how beautiful you are?
Guys can see ur married. They're not asking personal information (from what I've seen),
You're a beautiful girl, all 205lbs of Greek goddess.
Pick up your chin and walk proudly.
You're not arrogant but it's ok to be confident.
Oh I get lots of positive feed back, but at the end of the day I am the one living in this body, if that makes sense. I wouldn't say that I am insecure, but Im definitely not confident
Lol that's the thing, I don't want to light up a room, largely I just want to go unnoticed the majority of the time.
Yeah more or less
Yeah, it's not like you really need to put any effort into a marriage, all a woman has to do is show up.
Seriously, you need to get divorced.
Why should I get a divorce? Did yours make you feel better about yourself?
@Subarugirl. My divorce was a fucking liberation, like when Paris was liberated from the Nazis. I have learned how many women are regularly torturing their husbands, almost as a sport.
No man in the west should ever get married, no matter how good the pussy is.
ah I see, so you have a bad experience with your ex-wife so logically that means that all women are evil and out to get you, that makes perfect sense.
@Subarugirl. MOST men in the west have awful experiences with being married. With 60%+ of marriages failing and women filing for divorce 80% of the time, do you really think the remaining marriages are unicorns and rainbows? No, most marriages just limp along for the kids or because divorce is too hard. I would guess that fewer than 10% of marriages are actually "happy" long term.
with that logic I would stand to believe that MOST women in the west also have awful experiences with being married too, according to what you said. It's understandable that you are angry and bitter because you were hurt, or felt used or abused, which ever. But with such a negative out look on life and relationships you are going to end up bitter and alone, which I think scares you at the end of the day. It makes sense to lash out when you're hurt and/or feel betrayed, which makes sense in this context. I would assume that you use this plat form and probably other to lash out at women, especially those who remind you of your ex-wife. It might make you feel better in the short term, like you are standing up for your self or getting back at women like your ex because makes you feel like more of a man. But... and the end of the day it doesn't really help, does it?
@Subarugirl What "helps" is to warn younger men about the horrific dangers of marriage on the western world.
Just like the 40 hour OSHA course for tradesman there should be a required 40 hour course for young men about the dangers and liabilities of marriage.
You can't/won't/don't take it seriously as you hold all of the cards. You talking about "not caring about your appearance" is the first serious sign of cancer in your marriage.
He married you largely because he was physically/sexually attracted to you and now you are going to show your true colors.
Sorry lol the "horrific danger of marriage" lol anyways, if you really were trying to help people I highly doubt that this is the way you would do it. But lets just get this straight... as long as I am healthy, hygienic, and dress neatly, not caring about superficial thinks like lots of make up, fancy cloths and spending hundreds on hair and nails is cancerous to a marriage? Apart from having shorter hair, and gaining 20 lbs since I was 17, the way I look hasn't really changed.
@Subarugirl. Yes, horrific dangers of marriage. The moment a man says "I do", his odds of suicide more than TRIPLE. When you decide you are bored with your husband YOU get to walk away with the kids, cash, and prizes.
Divorce destroys men and enriches women.
Yet men still want to get married.. last I checked, generally men propose to women
Marriage rates are at 109 year lows.
@Subarugirl The men who still propose haven't realized the danger modern women pose. These men (I was one of them once) think they can best the odds of marrying a horrible woman. The problem is women change radically once they are married. Once women become dissatisfied with their husbands and go back to chasing Chad Thundercock, they divorce their husband, and take the house, car, more than half of his money, get paid alimony, and steal his children.
There is absolutely no advantage l, whatsoever, for a man in marriage. None. Zero. This needs to change.
Why don’t you loby for new legislation? Write a book? I don’t think being a keyboard warrior about the woes of marriage and how all women are out to get you helps anyone but you honestly.
@Subarugirl. Movements take time. There are far more active and influential men than me who are doing these things. Sorry of you don't like hearing the truth from me.
ehh, I believe that you believe that is the truth, but just because you believe it doesn't make it true.
Hell yes you should your appearance is an extension of you
That seems so shallow, no ones else cares and I don't like the way I look regardless so I have no desire in even trying anymore
I guarantee you if you go get your nails done do your hair it's all about feeling more like a woman doesn't matter what anybody else thinks you're a woman and you should be praised as that you should care about your appearance all the time not to please anybody but to please you if I were your man I take you out on the town and get your hair done get your nails done get your facial get all that and then have you look at yourself after we do all that just so you can see how pretty you actually are
Just kind of seems like a waste of money
I have had my hair and nails done and it doesn’t help, it has never made me feel like a million bucks lol
lol um no I don't
Feel free to go through my question history I have some photos in there
It's really up to you and how you feel. Some women might do it just to feel better about themselves, but if you're fine with it, then so is he.
If that is you in the picture, I don't know what you have to work on. You look amazing and he is right about not worrying about your appearance. I'm sure he cares but really does not have any issues!
Well not sure if you should do it for him. But there is something about the idea in looking good feeling good.
Well I don't really like how I look regardless, if anything tryin to fix myself up and dress up is always more discouraging than anything else.
Yes you should, because caring about your looks can boost your self confidence.
Trust me he cares and yes you should you don't want him to look else where
Then with that logic he should try too right?
Yes is he not trying
Its up to you and what makes you feel good about yourself
You've found in the comfort of marriage, you don't have to work as hard and he'll love you anyway.
Yes you should dress as sexy as possible and hair cut and nails done red! New red lipstick 💄!!
I would rather not
Well you should try it and get a new summer dress
I don't like dresses. I feel like men like dress a lot more than a lot of women do
You seem extremely frustrated from lack of attention an lack of sex. It’s very normal to get frustrated and angry, just don’t let it go on to long.
On the contrary. Im not frustrated, Im just done trying.
you do it for you. granted it would be nice if every now and then he would notice.
What if I don’t care and that trying to spend time on make up and what I will wear just stresses me out more than I usually am
I assume your husband was the one who pursued you or hit on you
Actually I initiated and was the first to show interest.
If it makes you feel good, just go for it, married or not you choose for what makes you happy
yes cause no one else will
I mean I don't really care either, doing my hair and putting on make up, shaving all seems so incredibly pointless at this point in my life. It's not like I have anyone to impress and trying to get fixed up is more stressful and disappointing more than anything else.
im really surprised with this most husband want there wives to look good
Right?
You should. Obsession is not good though.
Why should I?
We try to look good for ourselves.
I don't like the way I look regardless
Yet another reason for you to care about your appearance.
Please learn to like your self, do small things. Like kind loving meditation. What is that you don't like most about your looks?
Guys say that but we do.
Wel then he should say something. Becase I’m not going to spend hours on my appearance when in the end I’m still not happy and he shows no interest
Well good you are comfortable in your own shoes
Lol I’m most definitely not
Really why not
Never really have been, I don’t like the way I look, never have. Don’t mistake that for being insecure, I wouldn’t say that I am. I just don’t like the way I look anymore after trying “improve” my appearance than I do when I do nothing at all
I'm sure you like nice when you try.
Why does that even matter?
You shouldn’t change for anyone
Dress and pamper yourself as you feel comfortable.
If you're happy with what he cares about no
Yes you should
Why?
I have never been impressed by myself, it certainly isn't going to start now lol after ill its been through.
I’m in great health.
Though I don’t understand how getting make up done, getting waxed, plucked and hair done does anything for my health?
I get enough physical activity, I don’t need to go to a gym. I’m not trying to lose weight or anything
Nope
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