How should I discipline my 4 year old who keeps stealing toys from day care?

Question

Its been going on for a while now, and we always correct the behavior by having him return the little things that he takes to the teacher and have him apologize. He keeps doing it though. The other day he came home with his pockets full of little toy cars. When confronted he confessed that he took them with out asking, so at least he isn't lying about it.

How do I correct this kind of behavior? I have tried lectures, grounding him, time outs, losing privileges, but ever week or so it happens again. Any ideas?

How should I discipline my 4 year old who keeps stealing toys from day care?

raven6933 · Accepted Answer

How does he react if you don't pay attention to him? Some parents disagree on physically busting his butt. They try and tell you it's illegal or is some kind of either physical or mental abuse. So long as you don't leave any marks behind, then it's perfectly fine. The thing to keep in mind is never under any circumstances reward bad behavior. Also no means no period. Even if they ask a million times or wait to ask again later. One other point make discipline decisions together and stick to them. This negates them from playing one vs the other. Okay more points. Never discipline when angry and never yell no matter what. Last but not least try not to argue in front of ever. Disagree is one thing but arguing is entirely different and causes emotional problems with they're subjected to it.

Neilbud · Accepted Answer

What... you have a four year old? Ummm... I would start by not letting him do the things he likes doing when he takes them, and reward him when he doesn't take them. To me it seems like he wants to play more so he's taking them home so he can do so. So by allow ing him to play more when he is good and not allowing him to play when he is bad will help trigger his mind that what he's doing is bad. I also kind of think at that age they don't process what they are doing as wrong. They just know they want to take that toy home and play with it.

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

Steal (take away) all his toys at home and see how he feels. Then explain why it's bad to steal toys and wait a few days to give them back. Kids usually don't realize what they are doing unless it's done to them. With my kids they know if they do something bad I'm gonna do it right back to them. This method works almost every time for us.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

In Chinese culture you beat their bum or the palm of their hands.

NathanDavis · Answer

my brother used to do something similar, and for him it was a game, he was also 4 years old... and for him to figure out how take and bring things home was a fun challenge... and what I suggested to my parents is that they asked the school, have the teacher check his pockets and his backpack... lmao

and to just explain to him that "no, don't that, it's wrong to take things without permission" the teachers just did that, and eventually my brother just stopped because he ran out of ideas

by the way, I used to hide stuff inside the school but not take it home, my tricks were simple... I would just use that Play-Doh and stick stuff under the tables that were less used, or not moved at all

AviatorTom · Answer

Of course. Your child needs discipline to understand that stealing (toys) is not acceptable. What you're doing now isn't working because there's no real consequence for him. Your discipline can take several possibilities. Probably the most useful is to take away something he really likes and let him know he only gets that back when he stops stealing toys.

This is parenting 101. If you're really confused about it, there are several books on the sbject, most available at your local library.

humanearth · Answer

He's four, thats what they do. Just give toys back. Now 6 or 7 they should know better by then.

See at 3 to 5 its just implause and everything is ”mine“ stage.

Trust me, I raised 9 kids and now have grandkids. So I know a thing or two about little kids

Anonymous · Answer

Take something of his that he likes and when he can't find it and asks you about it tell him you took it like he takes the cars and tell him you'll give it back when he learns to stop stealing. Then ask him how does it feel having something he liked stolen. And when he responds by saying not good tell him we'll don't you think that's how the other children must feel when their toy cars get stolen by you. And teach him the valuable lessons on building trust with others that if he continues to steal people later in life won't trust him not to steal their stuff then he'll have a hard time making and keeping friends

Anonymous · Answer

Try to figure out the root cause. There's a reason for the behavior.

You say daycare. He may be acting out for attention. Even if it's negative attention. He's getting attention from the most important person in the world to a child that age. His mother.

worldscolide · Answer

Man when I was a kid I would have been spanked.. No I am definitely not suggesting that.. But it did stope from ever doing it again..

The other option he might be too young for. A friend of mine is close friends with several police officers, she staged to have him arrested and kept over night to teach him a lesson.. He started acting better after.

Again not suggesting that either.. I really don't know how to advise.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Firm talk and tell them not to do it again. If he does it again you will have to spank him hard on his butt or slap his hand hard and tell him to get on his knees and face the wall.

He will associate stealing with pain and he will quit stealing.

IronsKev · Answer

It's not unusual at his age just keep returning them and making him apologise that will drum it into him that he can't do it and there is no benefit to him doing it in all honesty he will grow out of it soon.

AydenHazor · Answer

I didn't find a way to correct it, but I patted my son down every day when picking him up from preschool to make sure he wasn't absconding with any toys

Surely · Answer

Make him empty his pockets at the day care when you pick him up. Maybe he will learn not to put them in his pockets. Probably just a phase.

Wiredone · Answer

Maybe your punishments are not long enough. Try rewarding him when he comes home without stealing.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Like @Apple1996 said.  Or try see if he has kleptomania but I think that's unnecessary, considering his age.  What does child psychologist usually say about these stuff?

Andres77 · Answer

Tell him a monster goes around town hunting all the stolen toys from each day...🙄

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

Keep having him return those toys and send him to timeout for a couple hours until he realized stealing is not cool.

LegendaryIcon · Answer

Your kids in that "everything is mine" and "no" phase. We all go through it. You have to teach him that it's not right

MattSherman · Answer

I’m trying to remember at what age my dad start using his leather belt but I don’t remember so it must have been somewhat young.

TheFlak38 · Answer

he follows the mother's example.

Manchild2018 · Answer

Give him the covid shot that'll teach him.

Anonymous · Answer

you have your 4 yr old in daycare? Why? Oh yeah you're a feminist

Jouth · Answer

have you tried abandoning him?

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