Its been going on for a while now, and we always correct the behavior by having him return the little things that he takes to the teacher and have him apologize. He keeps doing it though. The other day he came home with his pockets full of little toy cars. When confronted he confessed that he took them with out asking, so at least he isn't lying about it.
How do I correct this kind of behavior? I have tried lectures, grounding him, time outs, losing privileges, but ever week or so it happens again. Any ideas?
How should I discipline my 4 year old who keeps stealing toys from day care?
How does he react if you don't pay attention to him? Some parents disagree on physically busting his butt. They try and tell you it's illegal or is some kind of either physical or mental abuse. So long as you don't leave any marks behind, then it's perfectly fine. The thing to keep in mind is never under any circumstances reward bad behavior. Also no means no period. Even if they ask a million times or wait to ask again later. One other point make discipline decisions together and stick to them. This negates them from playing one vs the other. Okay more points. Never discipline when angry and never yell no matter what. Last but not least try not to argue in front of ever. Disagree is one thing but arguing is entirely different and causes emotional problems with they're subjected to it.
What... you have a four year old? Ummm... I would start by not letting him do the things he likes doing when he takes them, and reward him when he doesn't take them. To me it seems like he wants to play more so he's taking them home so he can do so. So by allow ing him to play more when he is good and not allowing him to play when he is bad will help trigger his mind that what he's doing is bad. I also kind of think at that age they don't process what they are doing as wrong. They just know they want to take that toy home and play with it.
I think its more of like little treasures they he collects and less so for toys to play with. I am really consciences about positive and negative reinforcement. You are correct in the fact that I don't think he is being malicious or sneaky about it because he is honest when I ask him about it. I have considered every time he takes those little toy cars home with him that I will make they return them along with one of his little toy cars he has to give to the school, but Im not sure if that would be age appropriate for a kid at that age.
Yeah, that might backfire on you. Let me think on this one. You might take away one of his treasures and put it in your closet temp than give it back after he's been good for a bit.
At this point its really kind of trial and error trying to figure out what kind of correction would work well. It's never a one size fits all so I am trying to figure out what works for him.
Steal (take away) all his toys at home and see how he feels. Then explain why it's bad to steal toys and wait a few days to give them back. Kids usually don't realize what they are doing unless it's done to them. With my kids they know if they do something bad I'm gonna do it right back to them. This method works almost every time for us.
I do believe that the punishment should fit the crime. While I am not totally against spanking I do not think that this kind of punishment would be appropriate for that type of behavior and seems extreme for a 4 year old who isn't trying to be sneaky or malicious.
my brother used to do something similar, and for him it was a game, he was also 4 years old... and for him to figure out how take and bring things home was a fun challenge... and what I suggested to my parents is that they asked the school, have the teacher check his pockets and his backpack... lmao
and to just explain to him that "no, don't that, it's wrong to take things without permission" the teachers just did that, and eventually my brother just stopped because he ran out of ideas
by the way, I used to hide stuff inside the school but not take it home, my tricks were simple... I would just use that Play-Doh and stick stuff under the tables that were less used, or not moved at all
Of course. Your child needs discipline to understand that stealing (toys) is not acceptable. What you're doing now isn't working because there's no real consequence for him. Your discipline can take several possibilities. Probably the most useful is to take away something he really likes and let him know he only gets that back when he stops stealing toys.
This is parenting 101. If you're really confused about it, there are several books on the sbject, most available at your local library.
He's four, thats what they do. Just give toys back. Now 6 or 7 they should know better by then.
See at 3 to 5 its just implause and everything is ”mine“ stage.
Trust me, I raised 9 kids and now have grandkids. So I know a thing or two about little kids
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Anonymous
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Take something of his that he likes and when he can't find it and asks you about it tell him you took it like he takes the cars and tell him you'll give it back when he learns to stop stealing. Then ask him how does it feel having something he liked stolen. And when he responds by saying not good tell him we'll don't you think that's how the other children must feel when their toy cars get stolen by you. And teach him the valuable lessons on building trust with others that if he continues to steal people later in life won't trust him not to steal their stuff then he'll have a hard time making and keeping friends
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Opinion Owner
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At 4 those life lessons are important to be stilled upon a child for better cognitive developmental growth
Try to figure out the root cause. There's a reason for the behavior.
You say daycare. He may be acting out for attention. Even if it's negative attention. He's getting attention from the most important person in the world to a child that age. His mother.
Well day care but it’s also preschool. I think it’s more of a consent that he is going through this stage of collecting, a box of cars or rocks etc. It’s not malicious behavior, I think it’s more a lack of impulse control which is normal at this age
Man when I was a kid I would have been spanked.. No I am definitely not suggesting that.. But it did stope from ever doing it again..
The other option he might be too young for. A friend of mine is close friends with several police officers, she staged to have him arrested and kept over night to teach him a lesson.. He started acting better after.
Again not suggesting that either.. I really don't know how to advise.
The problem is, grounding, time outs, conversations, aren't real consequences.. Until he sees real consequences for his behavior, he will keep doing it..
You might try taking things away from him. But I don't know for sure if that will work.
Firm talk and tell them not to do it again. If he does it again you will have to spank him hard on his butt or slap his hand hard and tell him to get on his knees and face the wall.
He will associate stealing with pain and he will quit stealing.
I do believe that the punishment should fit the crime. While I am not totally against spanking I do not think that this kind of punishment would be appropriate for that type of behavior and seems extreme for a 4 year old who isn't trying to be sneaky or malicious.
As someone who was physically and emotionally abused by my parents in the name of "discipline and spanking", hitting my kid is a last resort. As I said I am not totally against a swat on the butt but the punishment should fit the crime. I would rather take this opportunity to help my child develop good communication skills, work on impulse control rather than beat my 4 year old into submission.
and I said I would rather take this opportunity to teach and help my child develop good communication skills, work on impulse control rather than beat my 4 year old into submission.
It's not unusual at his age just keep returning them and making him apologise that will drum it into him that he can't do it and there is no benefit to him doing it in all honesty he will grow out of it soon.
I didn't find a way to correct it, but I patted my son down every day when picking him up from preschool to make sure he wasn't absconding with any toys
Neither my husband or I steal. I think it's just that age development. 4 years old at this point start to develop possessiveness and begin to recognize ownership.
No I’m not a feminist, he’s in an advanced preschool class, so he’s basically in school. My husband and I both work so support our family and to give him everything we can to set him up for success.
