Should I abort?

[Anonymous]

So I am pregnant but my boyfriend doesn’t want the child and I want to keep it. I told him he’s not forced to stay or be in his child’s life if he doesn’t want to. But he’s made it very clear that’s he’s not leaving me. I’m confused.

Why stay and force me to abort?

[loveslongnails]

You have a more insidious problem than you know. What he's saying is "I'm not going to leave you even if you have the child, but I don't really want to have anything to do with it or being a father". So how is THAT going to work? Do you want to bring up a child in an environment where one genetic parent despises having the child around? Or won't help? Now you're hurting the child more than you know.

I think this should open your eyes about this man. Sounds like you've decided you want the child, AND the child is more important of the two of them. Now you need to choose and make it stick, because you're going to be swamped soon and he's going to be resentful when your whole life becomes dedicated to the baby.

If he's not all in, you should put him all out. Sadly, this is a discussion you SHOULD HAVE HAD before you started having sex -- the "what do we do IF I get pregnant " discussion. Now it's too late.

The one thing I would NOT do is have the abortion simply because he doesn't want the baby and you want to be with him. He's replaceable -- completely. I wish you the best.

[Asker]

I don’t think someone can despise its own child while being around, seeing him everyday. So you think I should leave him?

[loveslongnails]

Well it's nice to think that, but it happens every day and do you want take that chance based on something you don't know? I think you have to seriously examine the kind of man he is and decide for yourself if both you, and your child which he doesn't want, are better off with him, or without him.

[Asker]

Thank you I’ll think about that!

[loveslongnails]

It's really a no brainer. Shouldn't take you more than 2 seconds to think about it and know what you should do.

[SteveSmith1985]

hang on. I didn't quite follow all of that. But the important part is the last bit.

HE CANNOT FORCE YOU TO ABORT.

I mean what the actual fuck! Whether he stays or doesn't stay, he CANNOT FORCE YOU TO ABORT.

Jesus fucking Christ girl---no guy has the right to decide to stay and force you to abort. Morally AND legally (nearly everywhere).

It is suuuuper important that you understand this. If you want to keep the baby... you cannot be forced by your boyfriend to have an abortion.

by the way I am staunchly 100% pro-choice personally. Not a pro-lifer. But the key is CHOICE. If you choose to keep the baby, you don't need him to agree with that.

[Asker]

Exactly thanks, his Maine argument is that he also got a say but doesn’t understand that it’s not his choice

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok... Good. I am really relieved that you already seem to understand all of this. This question really freaked me out.

So, ideally, you (any woman) would take the father's views into account.

That's... Also usually gonna be a dude who wants to talk about keeping a baby the woman wants to abort.

The idea of a dude pressuring his girlfriend to abort a baby she wants to keep is... Messed up.

At the end of the day, if you disagree it's your choice as a woman. I'm... Really glad you already know that🙂

[KrisPW]

It's your decision. I agree with you that you should keep the child and go with your feelings. And even if you didn't think you could provide (which you said you can), you could choose adoption and make another couple extremely happy. He has no choice in the matter anymore, that choice ended when he came inside you.

I also think this raises some BIG red flags about him. Even if he sticks around, his attitude MUST change, and soon. Trying to convince you constantly to get rid of something you already love is horrific. Him being there and being a constant negative voice when the baby arrives will be emotionally draining for you and abusive to the child.

[Asker]

Thank u very much for your advice!

[MzAsh]

It’s your call. Don’t make any decision you’re not comfortable with or that is mostly influenced by someone else, including him. He’s either going to have to accept your decision or he’s free to walk away. Whatever you do, do NOT allow him to control this situation. This is your final call.

[Asker]

You’re right thank you

[integrale77]

The way I feel about this is go with what you want to do.
If he starts with the "I should have a sayso in what happens" remind him he has an opinion only this is your body and your choice in what you do with it.

And him saying he doesn't want to leave well he's going to have to get used to the idea of sharing the home with a child it's not going to be like taking a pet dog in and refusing to take it for walks.
It's going to be a matter of waiting to see if he accepts his role as a father when the time comes or decide you need to go because he won't.

[Asker]

Exactly thank you!

[humpbackjack]

It seems like nowadays most guys aren’t sticking around when their girlfriend gets pregnant and has the kid but 9 times out of 10 that kinda guy isn’t gonna stick around anyways so I say it’s your choice because no matter what you’re in it for at least nine months he can always dip out. I mean it sucks for him as far as child support if the relationship doesn’t work out but guess what if he didn’t want a kid or child support he should of made sure he knew how this works if you have sex without birth control you’re likely to get a kid hell I say she should be on something and he should use condoms if you don’t want kids but definitely feel the woman has the final say and I’m against abortion

[Asker]

Exactly ! I think I don’t want to hurt him too that I’m acting like I can make compromise when really I can’t

[humpbackjack]

Yeah this is going to be a rough conversation that’s probably going to end the relationship but definitely use protection not just because of the baby factor but because an abortion isn’t an easy thing to experience mentally and physically so be smarter for now on and I’m not trying to jump your shit I’m telling you what I would say to one of my own daughters

[Anonymous]

You can say he doesn't have to stay or be in the childs life, but he knows that legally he has to (HAS TO) pay you every month until that child is 18. You can say he's not, but that doesn't change the law. He's on the hook if you have that child, and he knows it, and he doesn't want to be, probably because he can't afford it.

If you can't provide for your child, from birth to 18, then you shouldn't have the child in the first place. It will just grow up poor in a single parent home, with a young mother who was dumb enough to think "love will be enough" and a father who is never there and resents it. What kind of life is that?

[Asker]

Thanks for the insight. If I want to keep it it’s because I can raise him, I’m 27 I have my own place, own car, saving, a good job, don’t assume things. Just speak on the facts I gave you.
I dobt even want to put him on child support, I am very aware of consequences. Love is indeed enough, I was raised by parents who had the minimum and a lot of people grow up like that, if yours were billionaire then fine. Have a good day

[Opinion Owner]

You asked "Why stay and force me to abort?" so I was giving you potential reasons why he would.

Dislike them all you want, they are still valid reasons why a guy would want the girl to abort and yet not want to leave her.

[readyplayer001]

he cannot force you to do anything, i think its time to get your parents involved and down below you replied back to a comment more or less a baby is not his choice? anytime you put your penis in someones vagina you take that chance and make that choice. he's an idiot -kick his ass to the curb, get your parents, friends for support and have the baby if you want the baby.

[Asker]

I think I’ll end the relationship yes

[readyplayer001]

smart girl- you will make it, i have total faith in you

[loves2learn]

Good choice!

[loves2learn]

You should never feel forced to make such a decision. Insisting that he stay and you abort sounds abusive. Think long and hard before you make this decision as it may haunt you for the rest of your life. If you want this baby, keep it. Fuck him he can be there or not. Right now it is you and the baby that matter. And any man that would force you to abort is not a man worth staying with.

[Asker]

Thank you ☺️ you’re so right

[Anonymous]

It’s up to you but if he says he didn’t want one that’s it means he isn’t ready for it.
Imagine if you didn’t want it but he wanted the baby how would you feel? Same goes for man too.
Anyways nowadays no one is supposed to get pregnant like magic so many protection out there.

[Asker]

I know. It was planned nor I tried to tricked him but I just don’t believe in abortion. My problem is why won’t he leave? He’s continually applying pressure but I want to keep it. I know if roles were reversed I wouldn’t feel the same but thing is the choice is woman’s

[DonRollins]

this is a tough decision. May have it and put it up for adoption? You can be in it's life later on. I dont know.

Unplanned pregnancy doesn't really exist in East Europe.

[Asker]

I don’t want to put it into adoption I can raise him. I work I have my own house, car, savings.

[Vikkrram]

But why he is not forced to be in his child's life? May i know this? If he is equally responsible in it.

[Asker]

He says he’s not ready to be a father that he doesn’t want to. So I said well you can still walk out, even though I don’t want him to be out of our lives. But considering the situation I don’t know what else I could say to him

[Vikkrram]

I am so sorry but your guy is acting totally messed up. Then why he had sex wid u before marriage or even if he had where the hell was protection? I am so sorry to say this it's ur fault too.

Now look he is Just backing off and u giving him a smoother way to moove from all this.

[Asker]

I know it’s my fault, I won’t deny it. Thanks for your insight

[Vikkrram]

I am so sorry if any words of mine was Harsh to you. It never ment for you i appologize , i am so sorry 🙌 .

But look now where u have kept urself.

[Asker]

No don’t worry you did not hurt me you were just honest. I’m not easily offended! I know I’m not in a great situation right now

[Lukimo]

No abortion he can grow fond of your baby even though he isn't sure if he wants to take on the responsibility of a father give him time

[Jamie05rhs]

If you want to keep the baby, you can keep it. Don't let him blackmail you into doing anything you don't want to do.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome.

[Ms_Vanderquack]

Yes, but you should probably leave your boyfriend too.

[Asker]

Exactly what I was thinking, I called him to see him and discuss all of that thanks

[boggboss]

Do what u feel is right as it will effect u the most

[Asker]

I think leaving him is what’s right but at the same time I don’t want to look selfish even though people will still say that cause I kept the baby

[boggboss]

Stop doing what u want because others think it's best again this is your choice not there's understand the implications of both options

[Asker]

Right

[Anonymous]

Nobody is forcing you to do anything he isn’t dragging you by your hair or by your arm to the abortion clinic is he People seriously need to look up the definition off what forced really means because again he isn’t forcing you to do anything he is giving you a choice what you decide is on you

I look at abortion as murder especially in cases like this again he isn’t forcing you to do anything

[Asker]

I know he’s not forcing me. Maybe i didn’t not choose the best words but what I meant is he’s applying a lot of pressure and for him that’s the only way, this child can’t come to light. We separated for a week because of that but he came back and I like him I don’t know how to deal with him
And I won’t abort because of the same reason you stated

[PuNishant]

Ah this is why I'm against pregnancy before marriage.
He should purpose you for marriage.
No more kids without a family please 😓

[Asker]

Yeah you’re totally right it was a mistake but even in marriages disagreement like these can happen. My aunt got pregnant and his husband didn’t want another kid…
The question was what do I do 🥲

[PuNishant]

You talk to him tell him why you want the baby and you could him why he don't want baby. Is he afraid of responsibility? Or he don't think he can survive this relationship.
Don't get angry while talking lol ik you want the solution and fighting won't give you that.

[Asker]

Thank you but I don’t think he needs much reason cause if he doesn’t want a child then that’s it. And if I want one then my choice. At this point we’re done talking he’s waiting on me to abort and obviously I won’t. I think I’ll just leave him

[PuNishant]

Old enough to pregnant a lady and Not mature enough to talk. Man are jerks
I don't know what to say now.
I just wish for you and your child safety.
You will be a good mom ☺️

[Asker]

Thanks for the kind words ☺️

[PuNishant]

You are welcome.

[Anonymous]

He's not ready to be a father. It's not a good situation to bring a child into. Abort.

[Asker]

It’s too easy. So whenever someone isn’t ready we just give up?

[Opinion Owner]

It's not about giving up. You're justifying what you want. You'd be bringing a child into the world without a tight family unit. Things may go south between you and this guy and you'll be ok with that but it's not fair to the child.

[Anonymous]

Did you have a conversation about this situation before having sex?

[Asker]

I told him I was not using any contraception pill and that he can use a condom. That’s what I always tell first thing in a relationship. I’m 27 I’ve never use pills so I managed pretty well but this time I don’t know I was following an app that badly predicted my ovulation.

[Agape93]

If you want it, keep it.

[Asker]

I know right

[Browneye57]

He wants you to kill your baby? Dear god...

[REDHOTLINE]

How many weeks you were pregnant?

[Asker]

I am 11 weeks now

[REDHOTLINE]

Why did you wait until now? 11 weeks too much.

[Asker]

I wanted to think about the whole situation, the pros and cons of having a baby, to show him also that I’m not stucked on my opinion and that I take his also. But really I want to keep it but the pressure makes me hesitate so I try to gain time

[Anonymous]

So why don't you leave?

[Asker]

Because I like him and he already think I tricked him and that I want to have this baby all by myself which is not true

[loves2learn]

All the more reason to leave him my dear. He is bad news. Those are red flags.

[Anonymous]

Nope.