I was abusive toward my girlfriend, she left for a month and forgave me, but she sent me these messages recently, will she ever trust me again?

[Anonymous]

[WonderBell99]

OP, do you know what abuse does to people? Do you understand the gravity of the situation? You abused her. . . She’d be highly traumatized right now. Anyone who abuses their partner in a relationship is letting their emotions get the best of them. Or maybe you just didn’t love her. Maybe you like the idea of being in control. This is a classic trait of most abusers.

Nobody should hurt anybody. You hurt her deliberately. She has absolutely zero reasons to trust you. Once the trust is broken, it’s broken forever. She won’t be able to trust you again. There’s a difference between living someone and not being able to live with them. If you truly love her, you would LEAVE HER alone and go to a therapist to work on yourself.

[Danielle93]

Why aren't you in jail right now? That's where you belong (hence the statement where she said the last time she was fighting for her life).

[Honesttguy]

Well are u a changed men now? Should she trust u again? What did u do to to earn her forgivness? Trust is built slowly but destroyed in seconds. You have to put in so much effort just to get closer where it used to be, so yea its possible but u pretty much have to change so much in short time and its really up to you if u czn or can't do it, she? She will feel those mixed feelings, yes she will think about it often, cus its not her fault. You have to make 10x new positive expierences for the bad ones to become smaller, it also depends on how strong emotion is envolved in negative xp, means u also have to match positive emotion on same level intensity, so just flowers is not close enough thats just 1/10

[Leonharted]

Let me give you an idea of what you've done, in a way you can understand. Lets say you're in a car accident and can't move. At all. You don't have the ability to protect yourself, or even leave a bad situation. Then your girlfriend, who supposedly loves you, starts putting out cigarettes on your body. You can feel it, but you can't stop her. Then she starts hitting you when she's angry. Again, you can't stop her. You can't leave.

Once someone showed up and you were able to escape, and she said she was sorry, would you be ready to go back to her, where she could do it all again?

[Ginchygoo]

You probably don't deserve her and you're definitely a total ass to ever put your hands on a woman to harm her. You should GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. She should demand that you get help and keep away from you until she is sure the help you get works, if then. Really dude, you're a sick f#*k and should seek help.

[dankstranger]

no you won't. I personally think she is going to be better off away from you permanently.

i think you know that. and she does too.

[whosnumber1]

leave her alone. do her a favour and leave the poor girl alone. nobody needs a bully in their life especially someone who is supposed to love them. I suggest you get some counseling to figure out why your a women beater... woman beater.

[sasha670]

She needs your reassurance that you won't be abisive to her again

[Anonymous]

I really hope she doesn't. She has zero reason to trust you, and if you cared about her at all, you'd let her go before you hurt her again.

[Danielle93]

This is what I've noticed about abusers. They don't understand the magnitude of the fear and hurt the abused partner was put through, something they will never forget. The OP forever traumatized his ex girlfriend and wants for her to trust him again, for it go back to normal as if nothing ever happened, without either staying single and getting professional help or reporting himself to the cops.

[Danielle93]

If he did either or those 2 at least he would be showing some consideration for her and her safety, even if that means protecting her from himself. But nope... it's all about just him and when she'll come back and trust him again... me... me... me.

[Opinion Owner]

@Danielle93 Yes, exactly. And had this ever been reported to the authorities, there would likely be a mandatory protective order. Abuse escalates, and because of that, the state does not allow the victim to choose whether or not to press charges. There have been way too many cases of victims going back to their abusers, and eventually being killed. If this guy was truly remorseful for what he did, he would leave her alone and never go near her again.

[Danielle93]

I really fear for that girl. He is probably going to beg and beg until she caves in, he'll do it again and she won't be getting out alive next time. I seriously she never changes the locks, blocks him, changes her number and files a restraining order.

[Danielle93]

"I seriously hope"

[Opinion Owner]

@Danielle93 I really hope that too, but most victims of domestic violence don't leave. When I was in college, my college boyfriend became physically abusive. Grabbing my wrists, shoving me into dressers. I left before it got too bad, but he showed up at my apartment one night, chased me down the pathway, and slammed me into the front door. Luckily, there were lots of witnesses who called the cops. He was arrested, and even though I KNEW he was in the wrong, I tried to get them not to press charges. Despite it all, I loved him and I remembered the good times. The District Attorney's office told me, "In domestic violence cases, the victim is not the one who presses charges, so you're not able to drop them either. The state presses charges because abuse is a vicious cycle, and if the state didn't pursue it, more and more people would return to their abusers and end up beaten or killed. A protective order is non-negotiable. It will be enforced by the state for your protection." I was heartbroken because I still wanted to see him. The thought of never being able to see him again was devastating to me at the time, but in hindsight, now that I'm older and wiser, I know how lucky I was to have the choice taken away from me.

[Royyal]

From reading the messages, what pains me for her is the fact she genuinely seems to love him with all her heart but she has told herself she has to let him go to heal because other wise she never will heal if she stays or keeps going back because deep down no matter what he says, what he does, how he sometimes makes her feel when he isn’t abusing her, she knows it will happen again. It’s probably eating her up more because the same person she would probably do or already has did anything for is the same one hurting her, damaging and destroying her. The fact that he isn’t locked up proves she cares about him a lot but is tired of his ways. I have a friend who went through the same thing.

[Twalli]

I think k you two need to meet with a therapist. Even if you never hurt her again, she needs help to heal and a therapist can help her heal and help you to help her.

[JohnK123]

Why are they blue? Shouldn’t they be grey because she sent them?

[Asker]

She screenshot and sent the messages to me because lately everyone who has been texting me has been telling me the messages they have been sending to me have been sending as SMS messages instead of iMessage. Some messages people have said they sent me but I haven't/didn’t receive them on my end. She wanted to make sure she got this message across to me I suppose.

[JohnK123]

Oh ok weird but ok 😂

[boobliker]

you a little shit mate do something to make it better quick.. if you live together then move house

[JesseJayNeak]

Can you blame her? Cause I wouldn't