Guy/Gals: Do you want your SO to fix your problems or just listen to you vent?

[OddBeMe]

I’m for fixing my wife’s issues, especially the ones where she’s being illogical. But I’ve been beaten within an inch of my life a few times too many by her…

I just want to vent

I want you to help find a solution

50/50

70/30?

A total of 92 votes were cast: 41 girls and 51 guys. See detailed results

[spuitkaas]

Mostly vent tbh. Maybe somewhat come with a solution that makes me feel calm, however if I want advice I would've asked for advice.


I think there's a big gap between how men and women deal with their feelings. I read a book where they said that women are more socialized and prone to vent their emotions, meanwhile men only come to other men with their issues to find solutions. They resort to other tactics to deal with emotions, such as working out, videogaming or dealing it by themselves.
I think it would be great if we could close that gap by letting men vent their emotions more to others instead of giving them the burden to deal with it themselves.

[OddBeMe]

Hea (! We get shit done!

[spuitkaas]

But also commit suicide a lot more than women do. It's not a healthy way of dealing with emotions for every man and men deserve compassion and help.

[OddBeMe]

When the jobs done there’s not much more to do.

[spuitkaas]

No but we can prevent from men getting to that point by intervening beforehand by giving compassion.

[OddBeMe]

We don’t want compassion. We want tits.

I see why why we’re so suicidal…

[spuitkaas]

You must be a great partner

[OddBeMe]

I give out advice and analingas. And I’m all out of analingas.

Or just tired of analingas for the moment.

[Blackcupcake]

first and foremost, I want him to understand and not only listen. then some perspective is always helpful and appreciated

[OddBeMe]

Is there a time limit on listening and understanding? Until we can start mansplaining?

[Blackcupcake]

until I finish talking lol

[Leonharted]

I try not to "vent." If there's a problem that I can fix, I'll fix it. If I can't, and my wife can, then I will ask her to fix it for me. If it can't be fixed, then I carry on, hopefully without dwelling on it, as that will only take me out of the moment to focus on something unpleasant. Live is too short for that stuff.

[JCrockett]

This is Male/Female Relationship Stereotype #1.

Women just want you to listen, and for some reason find it annoying when you try to help. Guys want to help, and only voice things when they think it might help them find a solution.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Listen to me vent and offer a solution if I ask or seem to really need it.

[OddBeMe]

What are the signs you want it? A solution… :)

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Probably saying, “I don’t know what to do.”
I find myself saying that quite often under stress or sadness.

[OddBeMe]

I’ve never heard a woman say that.

[Desconhecida]

Women usually just want to be heard and have a shoulder to cry. The nature of a man is try to fix problems but if he does that instead of being supportive, women will get annoyed. Girls tend to think this is the guy telling she can't solve anything by herself, that she's stupid etc.

[OddBeMe]

Well…yeah. Or is it that men come up with solutions faster?

[Desconhecida]

Men and women are capable to solve their problems. They just function differently when they get upset.

[OddBeMe]

True. But we do have better solutions so you should listen to us.

[Desconhecida]

You must be a terrible listener hahahaha 💋

[Anonymous]

I usually just ask my boyfriend straight up... like, "what should I do?" Easy peasy, but I do understand that many people aren't that clear lol.

So... I say listen to her to try to understand where she's coming from. Once she's gotten it all out, say something like, "Sorry babe, that sounds stressful. Want my advice?" And let her tell you yes or no. If she says no, accept that at face value and just remind her that you're there if she wants to talk. If she says yes, then she's given you the green light to mansplain and really shouldn't get mad at you for it.

[OddBeMe]

Yeah when we ask why you’re upset, and you say “you know”…kinda makes us fearful.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah lol, I could see that. I don't get mad/upset often. Been with my boyfriend almost two years and have only really been upset with him once. He kind of jokingly said, "What's wrong with you, lady?" (Lady is his pet name for me). Then I just started rambling. He straight up laughed at me, threw his arms around me and wrapped me in a bear hug. I couldn't help but start laughing. For the record, I don't recommend this method, but it worked on me lol.

[OddBeMe]

Hard to bear hug a wife who wants to kill you.

[Opinion Owner]

She physically beats you? If so, why on earth would you stay with someone like that?

[Little_Bumblebee]

That really depends on the situation. Often what I need at first is to vent and to feel heard and understood and then later to fix it.

What could be a good idea when a partner has a problem, you can start by asking f they need you to help fix it, or if they just need to vent about the problem.

[kyleelyn199723]

When I argue, it’s to solve problems in my relationship. Me and my boyfriend have went through it. He has started a business and I now feel like I’m close to last place in his life and my self esteem has gone down. I told him I need reassurance and to know that I definitely have a place in his future. It took us a couple times arguing for him to understand

[Anajuxr]

And how is he acting after understanding?

[kyleelyn199723]

@Anajuxr we are going on a date next week and he has been saying I love you to me a lot more, but I also know his point of view of things which helps a little.

[Anajuxr]

Didn't he get angry? I did the same to my boyfriend (almost same situation) but he got angry, said I was pressuring him, being needy etc.

[kyleelyn199723]

He did get angry and he said I was pressuring him, but I put into perspective that I don’t need a whole future laid out, I just want to know that I’m in his future.

[Anajuxr]

But he has you in his future, right? So it'll work out! In my case he left it clear I wasn't in his future. And he didn't changed, actually it got worst... But anyway thanks for sharing your experience, it was look-alike to mine and I feel better to know I'm not the only one passing through this.

[kyleelyn199723]

@Anajhuxr of course. He did mention he really doesn't feel like he is ready until he can be in a spot to purchase a house. And you definitely aren’t the only one! We met during Covid shut down, so it’s hard that we are both now in places where we are building our own life

[CuddlyCarla]

It's not your job to fix other people. There is great value in listening. Even therapy is built around the art of listening. What your partner likely wants from you is an ear. You can possibly ask open ended and guiding questions to get more information and help her discover her own answers. I wouldn't propose solutions unless they are specifically asked for.

[lilyanony1]

I like to talk to my partner hear what they think about the situation. And then I can't make a decision based upon the discussion.
I don't want my partner to get angry with me and call me an idiot if I don't do exactly what they say. He's s
Not my dad. But I know we're all human and at times it may seem annoying especially if the end result is me being more upset.
Support is being there through dark and light.

[Dinklex3]

Listen to me vent.
I already know the solutions, what i have to do, and i am doing.
It doesn't make the experience any less frustrating.

[OddBeMe]

But what if your solution isn’t as good as our solution?

[Dinklex3]

That can be pretty subjective.
& Again. The point of the conversation is to vent my frustrations, correct?
If i want your "advice" then I'll ask you.
When i vent it doesn't mean I'm at a loss of what to do. People need to stop assuming that.

[Anonymous]

both would be nice. but i don't expect him to fix it... especially on his own. it is my problem, support is needed

about your wife beating you, maybe you should start to realize your worth and file for a divorce...

[OddBeMe]

She doesn’t know…but i secretly like it.

[Opinion Owner]

then i don't feel sorry for you. get a grip honestly... some people are truly suffering in relationships like that.

[Anajuxr]

It depends on what it's about. I will make it clear I need some help, hoping my SO will help it out. Same thing for venting. Normally I hope my SO will do both, since it's what I always do, I always try to help and to listen.

[jshm2]

Wuh? It's your life, not theirs.

Your SO is not a licensed therapist either. Even if they are a medical professional, they have not married a project to come home to.

But if they are beating you, then it's time to leave the relationship.

[GhostMochi]

He can't really fix my problems. I have to fix those myself. I do appreciate him hearing me out and listening to me, though.

[nice-girl]

I want a solution. I don’t tell him something if I don’t think he has a solution because it makes me feel worse.

[dustybiker]

You mostly want someone to listen. Other times you are welcome to ideas for solutions, but not always. No harm in asking first.

[RedStiletto88]

Most of the time I just want him to listen but yes there are times I want him to take care of the issue.

[katiesmuff]

It's always best to try and work together solving our problems.

[Ninani]

Unless I specifically ask for advice, I just want to vent.

[Anonymous]

Never solve women's problems they will hate you and consider you beta/less manly. They will also put you in the friendzone and date guys who don't even listen.

[OddBeMe]

How do you get out of the beta prison?

[Opinion Owner]

By focusing on my career and myself physically, I was in a bad mental place then otherwise I would never have let anyone take advantage of me.

[Anonymous]

First listen.. and if he thinks he can actually help then he may offer it, and not give his solutions unless I say I am open to his help.

[Babybebe15]

I just want to vent and then be given some advice. I don’t expect him to fix everything.

[Seinna]

First listen and give me his opinion, and then help to fix

[TwinkleLily5]

To listen to me vent. He can’t really fix my problem for me but his advice is helpful.

[melanieeeB]

First of all I just want to vent but when I need advice, I will ask for it

[DWornock]

The problem men have is they are problem solvers. Therefore, when women complains, they look for a solution. However, when women complain, they don't want a solution. Instead, they want sympathy.

[Aethereal]

I want to vent. But in the course of venting, I want her to help me find a solution to the problem. If I didn't want a solution, I wouldn't vent. I'd go somewhere quiet and seethe.

[Aethereal]

It doesn't make sense to me that someone would tell you about their problems and then get upset if you try to help solve it. A problem by definition, requires a solution. Ideally, your partner will empathize with your situation to better help you find a good solution.

[spuitkaas]

Know that you can also use talking about problems as a form of emotional regulation instead of going somewhere quiet. It can help you get out of your head and rationalize the problem more. You don't have to do everything by yourself and be strong all the time ❤️.

[spartan55]

Married guys need to memorize this comment: (while slowly nodding) "I understand how that must make you feel".
This saved my ass more than a few times.

[Anajuxr]

Now women know your secrets. :p

[spartan55]

Yeah that's okay. It took me a long time to learn that.

[spuitkaas]

Tbh it's not the greatest phrase because sometimes you can't understand and it's kinda invalidating in that way.
You should instead say "that must be so hard for you. I could only imagine". It's more empathetic for the other party.

[spartan55]

I picked my spots carefully, but thanks for the feedback.

[Sevenpointfive]

if i have to vent i will. i don't have an SO, so i turn on the AC

[Naxwi]

It's emotional empathy first then cognitive empathy. Let them vent, comfort them and only after, ask if you can help them fix it.

[Jamie05rhs]

No; I don't want her to fix my problems. I just want her to stand by my side.

[Jamie05rhs]

I mean, she can help if she wants, if that's something she's good at. But I don't want her to feel obligated.

[Browneye57]

Yeah, you're still fucking clueless on this. It's called 'emoting'. They want you to HEAR them, not try to fix anything. Just nod assuringly and tell them it's gonna be okay. Trust me when I tell ya.

[Smegskull]

If I don't want to solve it then by definition it isn't a problem.

[DJB72]

I'm a big believer in developing an internal locus of control. I'll offer assistance if she asks for it but I'd rather let her vent and vice versa.

[Daphne00]

Just to vent when need to let some steam out. Also give an hour cool down afterwards I’m fine.

[Luopio27]

Whats the point of talking about problems if there won't be anything done to fix it, together that is?


Just talking is boring.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If something serious then I would like for her to help me fix it, otherwise I don't bother people with my problems.

[McKellar]

I had done much of this & the cost was too high. Unfortunately after many years, I still live with this.

[AddictofLove]

Females are very egotistical. Dont offer them solutions to their problems. Half the time their problems aren't even real anyway, they're imagined.

[AddictofLove]

It's like when a child is playing a game and starts screaming at the game. He's frustrated and maybe angry, but he wants to be the one to beat the game.

[OddBeMe]

Funny I see the same kind of bitching on incel websites. Whenever I need a laugh….

[AddictofLove]

You act like I talked bad about your god

[OddBeMe]

No…your post just makes women seem like hysterical bitches who can’t be controlled.

[msc545]

Help with a solution if you have one, otherwise, just STFU.

[whosnumber1]

I want them to hold my like my mommy while I suck my thumb and tell me mommy will make it all better

[Grasshopper6412]

No do not help me fix it but help me find the solution to fix problem so that I may learn from it

[KatherineJ]

I usually just want him to listen.

[emperor90]

Take turns speaking and listening with each other

[najekim]

Some venting sometimes.

[expert_advice]

Do you have a cuck fetish?

[Snakeyes7]

Either works.

[Slim57]

50/50