Anybody else have retroactive jealousy?

[blissinanarchy1]

Okay, so I got this OCD issue. Retroactive jealousy. Most people don't care about the fact you slept with others in the past (Except for total amount of people, whether it's right or wrong). They put it out of their head because the past is in the past. But with this OCD issue, you constantly obsess over the fact that other people had that experience and pleased the person you like and you can't stop thinking about it, and it torments you. It's not an easy thing to talk about. Most people misunderstand it as slut shaming, or point out you've slept with others too (Which is true, so if she'd have the same issue I'd understand, I'm not a hypocrite). A lot of people who don't understand say "If you truly like her you wouldn't care". But the thing is, that's why it hurts. It doesn't matter if she has one other person she slept with, or a 1000, or if they performed well or were terrible, the fact they even had that experience kills me. It keeps me out of relationships. Talking to a girl about if often leads her to thinking she's being slut shamed, and even if she knows she isn't, she can't unsleep with them. So what now?

Updates

+1 y

Pretty funny that the guy that said don't post on a public forum if you can't handle it blocked me.

[Anonymous]

I had a weird situation where I dated a virgin and she would get extremely jealous that I had been married and had years of regular sex with my ex.
In my mind I couldn't see the big deal because that relationship was over, and when I'm with somebody I don't think about my ex, I focus on the new person. In fact I wanted to be with someone new so I could finally forget my ex.
I wasn't addicted to casual hook ups or anything so I didn't understand her jealousy or concern.
I have a track record of loyalty and long relationships.
For you I don't think your jealousy is necessary if she has a track record of maintaining relationships. If she legitimately is a slut that is something to take into consideration when choosing a partner.

[blissinanarchy1]

See, I can't be a hypocrite with bodycount. I'm 21 and slept with 30 something women, it wouldn't be right to judge her by that. My problem isn't judging, but an insecure jealousy type situation. She could've slept with only one dude before, who had a tiny meat, etc, and I'd be hurt he even had that experience.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow, that is odd.
It sounds like you may have a possessive, controlling nature that you need to fix.
Something happened to you where you feel EXTREMELY competitive with guys about girls.
Maybe a traumatic experience of being cheated on or rejected for another guy?
Considering you're kind of a man slut yourself, there's really no need to feel as you do.
You should understand the slut life. It is unhealthy for you to obsess over a woman having been fucked.
Sometimes you need to take her down off of the pedestal and see her for what she really is.
Women are interesting, but they're not all as special and innocent as we are taught on television.
They're very impulsive, sexual, and ruled by their urges in reality.
She's isn't yours, it's just your turn, so don't spend your time with her worrying about the guy who had her before. Just enjoy her, before your turn is up.

[blissinanarchy1]

I see where you're coming from. The usual things people get jealous of, texting other guys, laughing at another guy's jokes, etc, I don't get jealous of strangely enough. Just the past sex life.

[Opinion Owner]

I think that's a typical mindset with a lot of guys. Women usually get more jealous of a guy texting other women or laughing and bonding with them "Emotional cheating" they call it. Guys don't seem as threatened by that stuff because we feel more judged by women based on our sexual abilities and our dicks. Plus, to be honest a big part of what we value women for is sex as well.
She can laugh at some other guy's jokes or think he's a great guy, but who really gives a shit? As long as she's not sucking his cock, kissing him, or giving her body to him, we don't care because her body is the incredibly valuable part, not her personality (Sorry ladies).
That's why it's funny to me when some sluts want an open relationship and they're like "I love my boyfriend and our relationship is fantastic, but he lets me fuck other guys because I need that."
I'm like "What's so great about a relationship with you if you're giving the sex away to other guys for nothing?" The sex is the best part, the relationship is difficult! She must've found the most lonely guy in the world or something. LoL!
Anyway, the way you feel threatened about the past sex life of your girlfriends, but not her texting and joking with other guys is kinda natural, but you seem to do it to the absolute extreme.
You have to be realistic and see sex as more of a bodily function than some unbeatable, unforgettable experience that she had.
Sex can be great, but you're almost giving it too much power in your mind.

[Miristheiss]

My wife was a virgin.

I never would have dated anyone who had slept around a lot or had one night stands, was ever a sex worker or participated in threesomes and that kind of stuff.

I would have just moved on so it was an easy decision and it isn't anything I would have stuck around for so I never would have had to be "ok with it".

[blissinanarchy1]

Yeah dude I see these girls doing onlyfans and I'm like how in the hell can you go out with someone when their body is all over the internet? My generation seems real accepting of it

[InYourHead]

Sounds like your best bet is to only date virgins... touch situation

[blissinanarchy1]

It'd be ideal but I try to work on it. Not too many virgins around, and it'd be real corny of me to not be with someone because of something they did in the past I've also done. I try to figure out how to make it stop hurting because a limitation like that isn't just real for me.

[In_Trance]

This is the dumbest question I've read this week.

[blissinanarchy1]

So instead of spending your time productively you're on girls ask guys running your mouth. You don't like it, don't post.

[In_Trance]

If you can't handle all opinions, publice forums are not the place for you, snowflake.