Where's the line between being co-dependant and showing love to your partner?

[Anonymous]

[sage2021]

Being codependent is not only in love relationships, but with friends and family as well.
Year's ago, in the late 80's and in the 90' they had 12 step programs for codependent people. It was called Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). I went to meetings for 2-1/2 years and it changed my whole life and changed they way I was doing my life. I dare say this, but I will. If you were raised by a family of Alcoholics and/or drug addicts, that is how codependency is made. And you will carry it into adulthood and those relationships. You really need to do research on the subject, or, if you can afford it, see a therapist. I was fortunate to have gone to a 12 step program for free all those years. Good luck with your research, I hope it gives you the answers your are looking for. And it does take work on your part to build a healthier you.☮️

[Asker]

Thanks. I'm happy to hear that. My parents are not alcoholics, their relationship is quite good and I think that I might be co-dependand because of some issues with schoolmates years ago...

[PositiveNote]

Codependency is based more on what someone else is doing to you. Of course it can be mutual codependency, but it really takes a pro counselor/psychologist to work with you on exactly what to do about it. It's defined as such:

Codependency has been defined as an unhealthy devotion to a relationship at the cost of one's personal and psychological needs. It describes one person's behaviors and attitudes rather than the relationship as a whole. Someone who is codependent often builds their identity around helping others. They may “depend” on others to validate their self-worth.
10 ways you can tell...

[Samoht_Sirrom1]

A man gets married has a wife and then has kids. Kids are dependent on Mother... Mother depends on her kids to grow up healthy and strong willing to work God awful hours and for longer per a day then is healthy to make sure they have food, clothes and housing. Unhealthy but considered perfectly normal

[Samoht_Sirrom1]

Love is only live when both people are equally codependent... Even in a Master Slave relationship, Matter is dependent on Slave as Slave is of Master (Talking BDSM) NOT Racial slavery (making sure to clarify as there is almost always that one person who loves to get attention by yelling "Racist"

[Samoht_Sirrom1]

Yep typos include love is only love. And Master is dependent on Slave (Again Talking about BDSM)

[s10sleeper]

It becomes codependency when you are at the point that you are only happy if they are happy, and that you will even start sacrificing your own well being to make them happy. Be careful, I’ve gotten in that situation before, and eventually you realize you are only telling yourself you are happy, and you start resenting your partner

[mobiusforniner]

I dunno, love naturally involves putting someone else's needs and happiness above one self. Sacrifice is a key part of that.

[s10sleeper]

@mobiusforniner I agree, however there is a limit. When you are at the point of ignoring your own needs and well being completely, it’s too far. Everyone has their own needs, and if they sacrifice them too long, they soon become resentful

[BarryLiverstone]

In all relationships you should love yourself first, have boundaries, and hold your partner accountable. Doing these things allows you to give love to them and meet their needs because you have the capacity to do so.

[BarryLiverstone]

Do you feel like your partner isn’t doing the same?

[Asker]

I'm actually trying to analyze my mistakes from my previous relationship... Because my ex lost interest and that was probably because I didn't set clear boundaries and was too co-dependant.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes those factors could lead to your ex pushing you away. But it could also be that they changed their needs or didn’t want a long term relationship. In what ways do you feel you could have improved?

[Asker]

I should stay true to myself so I wouldn't become so unsatisfied with everything. I should accept his flaws and not try to change him. I should make clear that I am not fine with him texting other girls. And I should probably break up with him when I realised he texted them while I was lonely (even though I love him).

[BarryLiverstone]

Certainly if he is texting girls and forming an emotional connection behind your back that is cheating. But was he just texting friends? And was he willing to show you the texts?

[Asker]

They were not his friends from childhood or something like that but girls from social media like Instagram. He did show me some of the texts and were not like cheating but... Why would someone who is in a happy relationship waste his time with texting strangers instead of talking to his girlfriend?

[BarryLiverstone]

One reason is guys enjoy novelty and mystery. So while he may not have been cheating he could have been bored and enjoying talking to someone new. I agree with you if these are random girls online it was his responsibility to inform them he’s in a relationship and set up that boundary. It’s also possible he lost interest in you sexually and was trying to meet others before breaking up. Did you and him talk about the relationship and all the needs frequently?

[Asker]

No, that was another problem.

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh, multilevel issues. Sounds like a toxic relationship. Guess I answered as much as I can unless you have more questions lol

[Asker]

Yeah we had many problems but I still loved him. I didn't value myself enough and that was also the problem.
Thank you for your time and help ☺️

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Feel free to follow me if you want to analyze more and glad you wanna love yourself more and hope you have a plan to reach that goal

[Asker]

Thanks:)

[Adam1978]

They are independent of each other. Love doesn't require dependants. Just because someone else is taking up a task or responsibility doesn't mean if shit hits the fan, you can't cover that too. Don't make convenience into dependencies.

[awkward_author]

If you depend on them too much to fill your emotional needs and feel you can't live without them, you might be codependent.

[sheikalana]

Co-dependancy is when you think your life will end without them.

[candyPineda]

Really that cat be

[donnny2367764]

The part where you are in charge/responsible of your own finances and contribution to the relationship as a whole...

[JasM0]

Codependency has constant negative consequences.


Best

[dustybiker]

Can you live without them for a week, two.. a month? It will show you where you are emotionally.

[malwins]

and if not then?

[dustybiker]

@malwins You might be a bit clingy.

[captain_voidwalker]

Its all co dependence, there is no such thing as love

[malwins]

this

[charlietom]

I believe you want interdependence to be in a committed relationship, not co-dependence. Subtle, but important, difference.

[mobiusforniner]

But that codependence is specific. Most people dont develop codependent relations with everyone

[CallmeTheKnight]

Reciprocation is a good start

[Anonymous]

No idea

[candyPineda]

What hate the name