Am I being controlling not letting my boyfriend have Instagram?

[Anonymous]

When I was first pregnant (5 months ago) I found out my boyfriend was liking other girls naked or sexy pictures and following girls (liking their pics after they accept his request etc). I found out he did it after I lost the baby too. His reasoning is for being insecure from the start of our relationship where I was still talking to my ex (this was nearly 2 years ago). I don’t feel comfortable with him having Instagram and doesn’t have the app downloaded on his phone, he always calls me controlling or insecure for it. How can I stop being insecure and just be comfortable with him having Instagram?

[LinaDaGoddess]

Listen…. Don’t listen to any of these comments… yes it can be seen as controlling but LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP.. If you allowed him to get away with it, he’s just going to keep doing it and get better at hiding it… Men are wired a certain way, BUT there are guys who truly respect you and won’t do little things like this… I say run now girl while you still have your dignity.. But if you really must, you can stay and see if there’s change.. if there’s no change, then I’d leave. He’s already showed you he doesn’t respect you.. Someone who respects you isn’t going to do things that they know hurt you.. ask yourself this, if the tables were turned, do you think he’d react? That’s what should tell him not not to do something… But unfortunately some men don’t care about that. I’m so sorry… And congratulations on your new baby!!

[RandomDude21114165]

No there aren't guys who truly respect you. Only in fairy tales. How can someone better than you truly respect you

[LinaDaGoddess]

How are men better than us? Lmao

[Ryfyle]

@linadagoddess Not needing constant encouragement and adoration for simple shit. If Twitter or Facebook died, most modern women would leap off bridges.

[LinaDaGoddess]

Bullshit… men do need that… that’s why when you’re in relationships you’re constantly needing ego boosts… you guys always look for validation in other women. (Damaged ones)

[Ryfyle]

@linadagoddess Newsflash, Kid. Those are not men.

[LinaDaGoddess]

I could say the same thing, women don’t seek any of what you listed either… Immature females do.

[Ryfyle]

Well guess what makes a fuck load of money off them.

[SuerNamai]

The thing that bothers me more is the part where he said that he was doing it because of insecurity he chalked up to your talking to an ex 2 years ago, and he is now calling you 'insecure' for not trusting him on an application he admitted he using to step out on the edges of the relationship. These things are not equally proportionate and it seems like, at best, deflection. He seems to be blaming you, in both instances. He does not get a pass to behave badly due to your behaviour, and it is not 'insecure' to have concerns following a demonstration of lack of reason to trust.

[Asker]

Thank you for reading the whole description, you really understood what I was trying to ask thank you!!

[SuerNamai]

I'm glad to have heard you. I hope you often are.

First, an anecdote:

A few years ago a male friend of mine started talking about how 'insecure' his girlfriend was.

Then he made a pass at me.

This word, 'insecurity,' can often be a flaggy one. But, apart from that, his insecurity is an excuse. to have done something, 'yours' and accusation and a reason to stop. Controlling may be technically accurate, I'm choosing not to touch that, but insecure is him telling you how you feel.

Did it start when you were pregnant, or did it start earlier? If when pregnant, that can also be a giant red flag. Often the worst doesn't come out until there's a commitment, like, you won't leave now, so now 'it's on.' When that's the case, it does not bode well.

People might have an agreement in their relationship or a difference of opinion between people and relationships about whether using pornography, 'following' sexy people etc counts is out of bounds.

His response defines it as bad behaviour, and excuses it.

You can try having an explicit conversation with him that he is a part of about the relationship, maybe talk about the bounds and maybe about how trust can be rebuilt, using non-accusational language. If he deflects or disappears, can't or won't engage with equal discussion, that is very telling.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Yes, that is controlling.
To not be as insecure; it’s something YOU have to work on within yourself, and something your boyfriend has to consider. You can’t control what other people do, he. an go behind your back and do the same thing if he really wanted to. He shouldn’t be liking other girls or models posts if it makes you insecure or jealous, that’s on his part, where he has to take your feelings into consideration.

[Asker]

Thank you this really helps!

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

You’re very welcome. I think you should talk to him about not liking other posts because it makes you feel this way. Tell him that you can’t control him, but it hurts you when he does it. It good to communicate these feelings so he can understand. If he is talking to other girls, tell him that it’s disrespectful to you to be talking to other girls like that.

[My-lover]

So alternate for controlling is emotional manipulation?

[ohshee]

Well I hate to burst your bubble but this relationship is not going to last very long and I hate saying that but it's true you should let him have his Instagram because see that's what's going to prove to you how much he loves you you can't tell a guy new Instagram you're going to love me and me only you want him to have the Instagram so he can prove to you how much did he cares how much did he loves you because if he does everything that you think he's going to do then he doesn't really love you why not get that part done and over with right now why dragon on why should there be more arguments you have a kid you pregnant you don't need to be stressed out the best person that you could ever be in a relationship is to treat him the same way that you want to be treated if you want to be treated with trust and respect then give that to him because if he fucks it up epoxy up now and you deal with it now you don't let him be sneaky about it and him lie to you each and every single day because every time that he lies to you once means he's going to lie to you two more times in relationships if you do not trust the person 100% then you should not be in it it's that simple you cannot make somebody love you by controlling them or telling them what to do that's going to make them hate you in the the long run if your pregnant and he wants to go out boys night out and if he fucks around on you then he's telling you that he does not love you he does not respect you he does not believe in you he's being selfish and will do whatever he wants to do well you want that to happen right now you don't want it to happen five years as five years of big lies happen let him prove it to you either he loves you or he doesn't stop controlling start living your life you don't need to be worried about what he's doing each and every day if you are then you don't trust him and there's a reason for it and then that way you should not be with him

[Asker]

Thank you 🙏🙏

[ohshee]

You're very welcome I hope you can understand what I was trying to say

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like this is just not going to work. You’ve both done things which weren’t necessarily cheating but which did make each other insecure.

A lot of people say the word insecure as if it’s always a bad thing for the person who feels insecure, as if it’s always unjustified, which it isn’t.

People have taken this to an extreme where unless you actually catch them in the act, anything before that point you’re supposed to allow. Today that’s supposedly the mature, “grown up” thing to do.

The basic assumption being that most people are perfectly reasonable, honest, not selfish or impulsive. It’s stupid.

Some will say that you should be able to speak to your ex and stay friends, and nothing will happen. But that’s not what happens a lot of the time, and it naturally makes people think that something’s going on which there often is.

So no I wouldn’t say that you’re wrong for that. He shouldn’t be on there liking other girl’s pictures just like you shouldn’t have been talking to your ex. The relationship doesn’t sound good.

[TheorionMage]

In ANY relationship there are the roles of the 'Beloved' and that of the 'Lover'.
They whom are the LEAST emotionally attached, steer that relationship---

Perhaps its time you invested in a visit to a 'Glamour Shots' portrait studio?
SOMEONE needs reminded VISUALLY to allow to RE-DEFINE whose roles are whom's!
An old Appalachian proverb is: "A Well-fed dog stays on YOUR porch and doesn't chase wild game"

Else, said dog may limp home and find ANOTHER dog who'd not been as fortunate, has taken HIS warm privileged place. "Don't it ALWAYS seem to go... dat you don know what you got, TIL ITS GONE!"

[malwins]

this

[Ndyaaum]

In my opinion no it’s not wrong and if a guy argues you down over having an social media account let him go and co-parent in a healthy way.. what is he missing exactly? Social media isn’t all that great (ONLY IF HE IS USING IT FOR IMPORTANT INFORMATION) if he isn’t then there shouldn’t be a problem? The bodies he looking can be fake bodies (but some guys don’t care because they think with their penis) but when something pops from their bodies they will be disgusted 🤣 but in all seriousness he not missing out on anything he should be getting touchy with you and looking at your body

[Adam1978]

Well aslong as you don't have Instagram either. But you know there is plenty of social media so that behavior will just move platform. And it shouldn't really be about him liking others pictures, it should be about him simping to other girls. Was this how you got in contact?

[Asker]

No he was my ex’s friend

[Asker]

I had known him a little from school before tho

[Kween1]

My boyfriend did that when I was pregnant too. Sorry but from my own opinion you're not being controlling, you're just stating what you want. If he loves you he'll do that. I actually talked to my boyfriend about it and we currently both don't have social media, only got WhatsApp call me controlling but I'm not. It's simply what I want. I don't like feeling insecure. Own your crown girl and tell that man what you want! Or else he'll still end up liking their pictures and you'll continue to feel shitty.

[Asker]

Really needed this, it means so much the fact you experienced this too, thank you!

[Shy80sgirl]

Relationships aren’t based on what everyone else thinks of your situation. If you are uncomfortable with some of his actions, let him know. He should be able to request the same of you if this relationship is going to continue. Explain your side, then determine if you want to continue after his response ( and vice versa ).

[HighValue]

Under normal circumstances I would say that if one partner doesn't want the other to have a specific social media that would be fine as long as both partners didn't have it then to be fair, but since you have broken the trust in your relationship in the past by talking to your ex, it doesn't matter how much time has past, the trust will be forever broken. Trust can never be fully restored. There will always be trust issues in your relationship after that.

I think it would be best for you two to move on and find new partners and try to not make the same mistakes with a new partner that happened in this relationship and damaged it.

[Teresa811]

The decision to let him or not is your call, but you have to remember that he's a man, and he will want to look at naked girls whether he sees them on insta or pornhub.

Just remember that it's not personal, and he doesn't "like" those girls in the way that you and I might like a guy that we're crushing on. Just turn your eye and let him get his rocks off

[Guy13]

Firstly, what are your Objectives in this Relationship please?

-He is your Boyfriend, therefore, you have No Controlling Interest.
-And, there is no difference with him looking at unknown women than you looking and talking (mind ya) at a piece of ass that had you before him.
-Baby or without baby Momma does not get you special privilege.
-The more you press, the more likely he is to exit Relationship or at least have Something on the side.

[Gwenhwyfar]

He’s using it as free live porn (though I think it’d be less hurtful if he watched actual porky since they’re not “real” girls that he actually has a chance of sexting or meeting up with). This is sort of a grey area. I don’t think you have the right to tell him he can’t do that (it’s not actually cheating) but if it’s a deal breaker you can always break up with him. I don’t buy his excuse either.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Actual porn lol

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're controlling but you should be. If you don't want him to get distracted to another girl, you need to do this. If he really loves and wants to be with you, he need to accept your controlling nature. Because you're more insecure than them. He needs to understand you. If he can't accept your controlling nature and if he won't understand your insecurity, ask him to leave you. But if you both already have a baby, turn leaving is not a good choice. You both need to try adjusting to each other's needs.

[Opinion Owner]

*then leaving is not a good choice.

[sheikalana]

Yes, you are being a bit too controlling is just Instagram is normal is not like he's on tinder swiping left and right to go on dates. If you don't want to feel insecure about it don't follow him on social media and don't check what type of content he likes if that makes you feel insecure and upset at him. I think you guys are still a bit immature or don't have much experience in relationships and probably should improve your communication skills.

[AdithyaR]

You might be better off running from this relationship. Instagram has a lot of good uses like staying in touch with friends and he's not using it for that. It seems he lacks respect for you and the relationship. You can't ask him to stop using Instagram as a whole but you shouldn't have to ask for basic decency. You're better off finding someone who actually respects you.

[pleasestopthis]

Yes, you are controlling, and you're both incredibly childish. For your information, men cheated way before instagram came by, so if you're worried about that, that's not a solution. Relationships are built on trust and respect and if you can't keep him unleashed without freaking out, you got no business being with him.

[Dchrls78104]

Yes, controlling. Two wrongs don't make it right. You wouldn't want him to physically restrain you from talking to your ex, would you? Now, he's watching girls on Instagram and you're not over the ex. He's jealous and you're insecure. Neither one of you is in the right here. Either talk it over and settle your issues like two adults in a relationship (yes, he's an adult, just like you, and not a child, or a dog to be kept on a leash) lor break it off.

[Jamie05rhs]

No; he IS a child. He has proven himself to be so. Real men don't go after other women when they're in a relationship.

[Dchrls78104]

@Jamie05rhs true; but she also is a child for hanging on to the ex which she says seems to have started the whole issue. At any rate, both need to put away their childish behaviour and tackle their issues---or break up if they can't--- like adults.

[jshm2]

The two have nothing to do with each other.

He can't have Instagram... but he can watch all the porn and listen to all the sex lines he wants, right?

You need to get your head straight and be a proper fucking adult. You're neither a good control freak, nor a good partner and he's looking for some escape.

Either you both get your adult pants on and set proper boundaries, and explain yourselves. Or split up and go your separate ways to not meet again.

[rabbitzzz]

If he is not on instagram to become famous than I don't know its a waste of time. He could actually talk to girls on instagram. Sure. Do you know if he is doing that. Even than for what purpose?

[Asker]

He says it’s because he wants to know what all his friends are doing :// but when I ask it’s always different things

[rabbitzzz]

People put their best moments on instagram. Of he is unable to beat his friends lifestyle he is gonna be mighty depressed and unfulfilled. Due to comparison. Even if his life was good in its own way.

[uwu_princess]

You should talk with him that you feel bad coz of it. Also you shouldn't control him, coz it's a toxic relationship. If he doesn't understand it, you should just leave him or accept the fact that he will like/follow other girls.

[Sadgurl1]

Please please don’t do this. I’ve been here before and it doesn’t end well, if you don’t leave he will. And he will look at you in a negative light. Either look past this and push yourself to let him do as he wishes or leave. Trying to control what he does in anyway is only pushing him away and breaking your bond. If he loves you and is trustworthy he will show it. LET HIM SHOW HIS TRUE COLOURS, DONT STOP HIM