Guys, do you feel okay with being vulnerable with your girlfriend?

Question

Be honest. Do you honestly feel okay with crying or being vulnerable with your girlfriend or wife? And for guys who've never dated, how do you feel about being vulnerable with a woman?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

When I was first trying to step into dating, I felt like it was an attractive quality to be vulnerable. It would have been if a girl was vulnerable with me, I figured it worked the other way around. Women certainly like to insist that it’s attractive.

But after early experiences, it seemed that wasn’t the case. I kept looking for more insight into women and with enough digging into their ideas eventually you find phrasings of the idea that reveal a little more of the truth. Things like “be vulnerable... but don’t be a baby”. In things like that we find that being vulnerable as a guy is loaded with caveats which undermine the “be vulnerable” message. “Feminine side”, etc etc.

Time and time again, I’ve seen women undermine that idea and continuously emphasize that they don’t like weakness. They might speak otherwise on the surface but these utterances appear to fall more inline with the sort of virtue signaling we see in a politicized culture. It’s one of those things people say to look good to their friends and neighbours without regard for the complete truth of the matter.

Without even trying, women place a lot of restrictions about how men can be vulnerable. You can probably only cry when a family member dies. Maybe a pet, or comparable event. But that permission doesn’t extend to say being vulnerable with say social anxiety or insecurity. Any vulnerability there must be mild and manageable and not something she has to put any effort into or care about or look at, depending on what it is. As a man you can’t have feels too intense about anything that does bother her — which she considers small, and you have to have more composure than she would with those same feelings.

Girls will insist they’re understanding and accepting, often rationalizing it in ways that still preserve men’s appearance of strength in the woman’s mind. And they romanticize it. But it doesn’t necessarily hold up on practice. The same girl can also be found tearing down men with accusations of insecurity, which completely discards any claim of understanding in that respect. Only to once again claim their virtue again later.

I’d like to think there’s an accepting girl out there. But that’s playing with fire. Why would I risk potential relationships on that? By gambling on vulnerability, I could be flushing a years long relationship down the toilet. Once a girl gets the impression of weakness in her mind, it’s extremely difficult to shake. Advice like “just wait for the right one who will accept you” — apart from being more feel good fluff — is bad advice anyway because even if there were a sizable minority of women like that there still wouldn’t be enough to go around. You could take a 1% chance at something perfect or you can make do and accept that they’re human animals and will have these kinds of instant nuts that just need to be dealt with.

So no, I don’t feel safe to share with a partner. You’re just asking for it all to go up in flames.

IMuser · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately, once you actually get vulnerable, you are kicked out of the relationship because women have hardly any idea (and the will) to deal with a troubled guy (at least this was the case with my girl)

Since childhood, you are raised in a way where you see guys getting punished/scolded for being vulnerable (crying). In your Teenage, when your own emotions and hormones are on a high, you are fixated on your issues and have an array of men who can calm you down (their motivation for doing so can range from having you as a good friend TO getting in your pants)

You are being taught to be attracted to a guy (taught either by the society or your own genetic tendencies) to be with a strong man, someone who has his life sorted and can offer you a safe place to express yourselves. But when this same man goes weak, do you have an idea of how to handle such a situation? Your family and girl friends will tell you to find someone who has their issues sorted, you will feel drained with handling their issues and eventually hop on to someone else simply because you can

Naturally there are exceptions and these exceptions are the marriage material girls, the wifes you would prioritise before everything else because they give a shit about you.

(This answer is inspired from personal experience so it cannot really be generalised)

TransAm85 · Accepted Answer

I guess my husband is vulnerable w/me after almost 12 years together b/c I'm the hard one? He says I don't know how to show feelings and asks sometimes if I even have feelings! When u grow up w/o a father and a mother who is always working, u learn to put ur feelings in a box. Then as an adult u kinda feel weird telling someone ur inner emotions cuz u never even said it 2 ur own parents! So I just show my feelings other ways. He's cried in front of me a few times. Of course he was drunk tho.

WhatTheHeckkkk · Accepted Answer

Vulnerable as is in, feeling comfortable enough to open up and express feelings and cry in front of us?
My boyfriend does. He’s not much of a cryer but he will be vulnerable with me when I am vulnerable with him.
There are days when we both just need to lay together, cuddle, and talk about our feelings, and we end up crying. It’s good for us, because we know we can open up and trust each other in the relationship.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Why yet another retarded ass question about men crying. Most men dont cry at all. In front of strangers, their girlfriend, by themselves, with their dog, never. I can't even remember ever crying once as an adult. I think when i was like 17 and i thought my girlfriend cheated on me and i was stupid asf since i realized after that it was a mistake to cry and never did it again. Why would i? It seems really weird to cry. This is not really a question as it is a promotion of cuckoldry. The more y'all keep asking and talking about it the more dumb simpleton men will think something is wrong with them if they dont cry and then y'all women use it as an excuse to move on to more alpha men who say "fuck that i dont cry" even though you say you dont.

Your question makes about as much sense as men asking "why do girls cry so much? Men dont cry unless they have their arm cut off or their child dies unless they are mentally disturbed, so why do women say its ok it be mentally disturbed instead of supporting mental health and seeking help?"

Anonymous · Answer

I do to a degree in my current relationship, but within certain bounds. I feel comfortable talking with her about most things and would feel okay crying if it was something significant like the death of a loved one or something like that.

But it took me a long time to get there because crying in front of a past girlfriend essentially destroyed the relationship. I think I speak for most guys when I say we are aware that we can't be completely vulnerable in some situations without risking negative consequences. Most guys will never feel comfortable crying in any and all situations women feel comfortable doing it.

Men receive very mixed signals about this issue. We are told by well-meaning women that we should feel completely comfortable being vulnerable and showing our emotions, but at the same time we often get very strong indirect feedback to the contrary. We realize there is always going to be a higher acceptable threshold for vulnerability for men than for women. That's just a fact of human nature, and anyone who argues otherwise is being naïve and/or dishonest about it.

Oigit · Answer

C: I might but it is going to take some time. In general I'm guarded due to life experience. Screwed up life experiences and bad experiences with people you let get close can cause people to put up walls. This goes for both sexes. Men are no exception to this. Though some women seem to act as if we are and have issues with guys who have walls up. Not really understanding that a lot of men's response to that is to retreat further into ourselves and put up more walls. So they end up creating a self destructive prophecy.

Кураж · Answer

I don't cry or make myself vulnerable in general.
I look at a problem and then I look for practical, pragmatic solutions.
Crying and "talking" are not productive things in my mind, so I don't engage in them regardless of who it is I'm with because I simply don't see the point in doing so.

In a relationship, I wish for that to be respected and for them to never bother me about it again.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Yeah I do. Not that it's ever helped. Girls I've dated anyway apart from 2, mostly are pretty bad at actually understanding that guys have emotions too. I wish I was joking. And not to go into a rant here but it's more when they need comforting they expect you to do something (As you should), but when you need comforting and you expect them to do something (As they should) they don't.

Which has left uneven relationships which are mostly why them ones ended.

blackgaletiger · Answer

No, there are somethings you just have to keep to yourself. There is always that fear of you never knowing when your emotions and thoughts will be used against you. Trust is built in a life time but lost in a moment and that stuff sticks with you mentally until the end

Anonymous · Answer

It has to be done sparingly and there has to be a resolution in our moment of fear. Men don’t get leeway to just admit they are upset and/or in fear and don’t know what to do.

Men have the same amount of doubts, insecurities and fears that women do. But we lose face if we show it publicly. We are supposed to be tough and women subconsciously expect that in a “strong” mate.

Personally i am in a financial crisis right and it’s made my loneliness 10x worse. I’m not a young man anymore. I want to cry at times. But I can’t.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

I have never dated.

But, unless and until I am sure, I will never ever open up to anyone.
Words, enotions, actions can be used against me. So never ever go down that path.

Good interaction, smiling, physical things and everything normal is always there. But when it comes to real things, a big NO.

Anonymous · Answer

Studies have shown that men showing too much vulnerability and emotions is unattractive to females. For some women it’s a relationship killer. Some women love a man who has a sad story due to their nurturing nature. Some men have used knowledge as a dating strategy. I personally think it’s never ok to show vulnerability to women except under extreme circumstances like death in the family. Women want to be protected and comforted knowing they are safe and have someone they can rely on and turn to, which should be the man of the house. If you show weakness, it will cause her to lose respect or faith in your ability to provide those things. Obviously that’s a generalization and not the case for all women, but I believe for the most part it’s true.

Lionman95 · Answer

I´m not dating or have a girlfriend but I would probably not be vulnerable right from the beginning because I had bad experiences opening up with feelings in front of women. So I would wait some time to get to know because I need to know if I could trust her.

FriendlyDrugDealer · Answer

I think you can open up about what you’re thinking or experiencing without crying or showing emotional responses.

It’s not easy and everyone is different but I don’t think it’s wrong to discuss things when the time and place is established. Would I open about my deepest darkest moments in my life in 3 months of a relationship? Probably not. After 6 months? More likely.

Every guy has their own pace which is understandable so it depends on the timing.

Heartache0405 · Answer

Don’t have a girlfriend. When I did I was vulnerable with each one and I was cheated on by each of them. Maybe being vulnerable around women you’re with isn’t a good idea unless you wanna be cheated on 🤷🏻‍♂️

Tjw78 · Answer

If you are wanting something permanent it should be with someone that you are comfortable expressing your feelings with. Put into relationships what you want to get out of them and you will learn fast if it is really someone you can build a meaningful future with. You will be a lot happier if you can express yourself freely and have someone that cares about you enough to help you through it.

jamesgoldman · Answer

It's situational like if one of my parents dies then sure but I don't want that as a default option
Only time I really showed vulnerability was dealing with my slight solvent issues with my second girlfriend (I've been solvent free close to 7.5 years now)

Subarugirl · Answer

I make sure that there is enough trust and support in my relationship so that my husband and can be vulnerable with each other. Emotional intimacy and vulnerability is just as important if not more important than sexual intimacy with in a romantic relationship.

Djaay · Answer

Vulnerable? Sharing emotional feelings with another human is'nt vulnerbility. Its just plain human interactions with one another. But using that terminology to men even as a question , reeks of a person who takes kindness for weakness. That there says you instead are vulnerable yourself.

Anonymous · Answer

This is one truth I've learned in life. NEVER let a woman know your true feelings. Yes there are some out there that won't react differently to you but the number is miniscule. And a great many will just use it as fuel to manipulate you. It's just how women are wired. They say they want honesty but they really don't. Women want a fantasy from guys ALWAYS.

Phoenix98 · Answer

I didn’t use to but now I am ok with being vulnerable now as soon as I trust them.

as for crying I’m not really a cryer to be honest. But if or when I do the rare time it does happen I’d be ok with showing it.

Joesmemenievan · Answer

Its okay to feel that way the more closer you feel she may be happy that you would share to her how you feel. If you trust her and share she will think she’s trusted and be happy can’t hide your feelings but don’t be vulnerable on the wrong person or they will only hurt you

Anonymous · Answer

There is no need for that but I don't date, and don't do relationships anyway so...

To all you guys in the comments that think being vulnerable with your partner is a good thing, you will learn at some point. You will learn...

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

She's never done anything to make me feel this way but I don't feel comfortable crying or being vulnerable in front of her.

Slartybartfast · Answer

Guys that show vulnerability don't usually have girlfriends..  It's extremely unattractive for men to act that way.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

It depends. Early in a relationship I've found it really hard to open up emotionally, but once I pass that initial threshold then being vulnerable feels more natural and easy.

mb120101 · Answer

I’m only comfortable Physically crying when I’m alone but expressing emotional feelings I don’t feel uncomfortable

Preston_Tatum · Answer

Yes I do. If I love and trust her why wouldn’t I? If you’re not vulnerable in a relationship, don’t be in a relationship

RHK36 · Answer

Of course. If we're dating or married, that's one of a few people I should be allowed to feel a certain way.

Hairylegs222 · Answer

Yes I do. The only thing that would worry me is getting divorced and she ruins my life getting half my stuff.

Shiningtempest · Answer

@tinylove360 Not being vulnerable with a girlfriend is important because I don't know if she will use it against me or not.

Just_call_me_Levi · Answer

Had no problem with that whatsoever. Though I kept a lot of worries from her, because she was very easily stressed.  9/10 I said it, but downplayed it for her sake.

Andres77 · Answer

If she's someone I could not be vulnerable with... I wouldn't date her.

Juxtapose · Answer

I don't really feel comfortable being that way in front of anyone but sometimes I am with close friends out of human necessity ya know?

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

Why. As soon as I do you're going to call me weak and run off with someone with a bigger dick and treats you like shit.

Anonymous · Answer

Nah women leave if you show much emotion, most women want strong, suck it up like males as they are already an emotional mess.

Jltakk · Answer

Due to my mental affliction, I over share details with loved ones. Never had a partner but of I had one, I would be ok with being vulnerable, but I would have to immediately recharge

Massageman · Answer

Yes - Just lost our dog to Cushing's Disease and we both cried.

This_Is_My_Opinion8 · Answer

What kind of shitty girlfriends are you all getting?

AndrésC64 · Answer

I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable with anyone.😬

CloudMassacre · Answer

It’s really hard sometimes, but it’s worth it to open up to people

crmoore · Answer

Sometimes I do, sometimes I think she'll think less of me.

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

I would be okay with it. I'm not much of a crying but I definitely would be okay with it

driven159 · Answer

It depends on what is going on sometimes you need to strong for your kids

OddBeMe · Answer

Ok but I feel that way toward everyone. Male and female.

Bogoboj · Answer

I have no problem with showing my vulnerable side to my SO.

Vivaldi · Answer

I don't have a girlfriend so I chosed the other option.

Anonymous · Answer

No, everybody knows that's the easiest way to get dumped or never lose your virginity

Iron_Man · Answer

No.,,,

Prg11 · Answer

Would, but, there isn't one

Anonymous · Answer

Not unless you want her to lose respect for you.

TheAfrikan · Answer

I think I would feel okay with it.

jshm2 · Answer

Why though?

Fukaroo · Answer

Yes.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't have a girlfriend

AlwaysBelieving · Answer

I'm fine with it.

jahaims · Answer

Yeah

dudeinohio · Answer

Yeah, sure

CubaPirate · Answer

Sounds kinky

SignedAutographs · Answer

No not really

JesseJayNeak · Answer

No, too dangerous

Xtendable · Answer

I trust her enough

Abdulwahh · Answer

If we trust her only

Guys, do you feel okay with being vulnerable with your girlfriend?

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Guys, do you feel okay with being vulnerable with your girlfriend?

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