How do I communicate to my partner that I have anxiety?

[Anonymous]

We recently had a disagreement. He told me something and I made a big deal about it and now i don't know how to solve the problem because he's not talking to me anymore. I sent him a text where i explained that i have anxiety that makes me overthing and overreact on things but he ignored me. I also apologized but nothing changed. It has been a week since the argument happened and he hasn't talked to me yet. I tried to text him but his answers were cold and distant.

What to do?

[Massageman]

I usually don't answer "anons", but I will this time.

Try to use "I statements".

"I feel neglected and unloved when you (for example) put drinking with your buddies before having a date night with me once a week".

Yes, putting this info right up front WILL make you vulnerable, so be prepared for any, all, or no responses. If he can't respond after your apologies and candidness about your feelings, it's time to find someone who DOES care about your relationship.

[TommyMountainFigure]

That's confusing.

"I sent him a text where i explained that i have anxiety that makes me overthink and overreact on things but he ignored me."

"I tried to text him but his answers were cold and distant."

Which one is it?

[Asker]

He ignored my explanation and apology
But when I texted him "casually" later he would answer but in a really cold manner

[TommyMountainFigure]

Ok now I understand. Let's break this down then.
He is annoyed with you, so the last thing he wants is for you to behave rationally and apologise. Hence the ignoring that. Because then he would have to reply calmly too.

The fact he responded to you over something trivial (even though he did it in a cold reply) suggests to me, he wants you to leave him alone to calm down and he will get back to you when he's ready.

Bottom line is, you have nothing to worry about providing you give him a week or so to return to normality.. (I reckon perhaps less but a week should cover it)

[LaNc3L0TT]

It's hard to speak with someone or to explain yourself to someone who didn't experienced that. That person should have big amount of understanding and if they don't like your boyfriend that is an issue. I don't know how long are you together etc, but I could suggest that you try to fix that but don't over commit if he doesn't respond on your reaching out. Remember that he will always have that "wild card" that you are having anxiety...

[Shamalien]

Well, you could stop making excuses and try to improve yourself. As a man I notice that women never want to take responsibility, for example:

”it’s not my fault, I have anxiety, why won’t you understand that?” See now you’ve made it his fault for not understanding your “anxiety”. That is some fucking bullshit. Take responsibility, apologize, say that it won’t happen again and make an effort. Then he will respond. Basically be an adult not a child and he will respond

[20yearsolder]

At this point in time you've done all that you can do, he's the one that has to come to the realization that you've apologized and explained yourself now it's time for him to go up and be a big boy and either accept your apology or not

[Mofunfour20]

If that's your excuse for poor commication skills then why would anyone bother. If you have anxiety when communicating then you're not going to have healthy relationships.

[mb120101]

Well it sounds like some harsh words were said. My ex had anxiety and I still didn’t take it as an excuse to be a b*tch

[mb120101]

I’m not calling you a b*tch

[mb120101]

I have anxiety too and it makes me paranoid too but I calm my nerves and I just put my trust into the situation. I’m 20 and only been in 3 relationships and 2 of them crumbled from paranoia and trust issues

[Asker]

I'm not saying that since i have anxiety then i have an excuse to act like a bitch. I told him that, that even if i have anxiety it's still my responsablity to fix the mess i've made. All I was really asking for was some kind of unrestanding. Of course it's my anxiety and it's to me to deal with it, not to him.
But it seems like he doesn't give a fuck

[mb120101]

Do something romantic haha I remember making a big mistake and i left flowers on my exes car late at night so she’d see it on the way to work. Worked

[mb120101]

^In the morning

[Asker]

I thought about it, doing something that hell like

[Juxtapose]

If I shut down like that it's because you hurt me badly.

[Iron_Man]

Just tell him the truth

[Asker]

I already did but he ignored it. I sent him a big text and he just left it on read. I explained that i have anxiety and that recently life has been quite stressful. I didn't make it look like i'm blaming it on anxiety or on him, but i wanted to make it clear that i do f*ck up from time to time and that's why

He didn't say anything and this made me feel like an idiot

[Iron_Man]

I’m so sorry to hear about that you deserve better girl find yourself a good boyfriend