So my wife of 6 years is talking to her ex I have let her know yeah I feel disrespected by it and why what should I do?

[Dgross5652420]

To go into detail about the question. She originally started messaging him supposedly he messaged her first and supposedly he's changed. She told me out of her own mouth as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to do I have nothing to worry about. I saw things texted back and forth that I did not agree with and made a comment to her saying that I felt that was disrespectful and they needed to stop. I was told that she's going to do what she wants to do and what makes her happy. Also said that she had not had closure on their relationship from several years ago but to the best of my remembrance and knowledge they had called it quits as a mutual thing. Now supposedly it was all broken apart by a roommate that currently lives with us because she had no place to go. Now the situation has progressed after her telling me she's pretty much going to do whatever she's wanting to do because she's not going to die unhappy because she has some health issues going on right now and is bound and determined she's not going to live for that much longer. Now he's changed it to that I need to straighten up and be a better husband and things like that or in two years if she lives that long she says she's going to leave me and go to him. She wrote out a stipulation list for me of what I had to do to keep her ie no drinking basically I felt it was a list of hurry wanting to control me saying basically that we were either going to be a power couple her way or no nothing at all. And she's constantly texting back and forth with him calling him love and baby and things like that but expecting me to act like everything's all happy wonderful and continue trying. She has even multiple times now complain about how much I make at my job as an officer but not letting me further my career because of her stipulations

[JamesDiaz11]

Clearly she doesn't respect you. I would say you need to lay the law down, but it seems you're so weak that: (1) she wouldn't be terrified to message her ex, and (2) you've complained in such an utterly lukewarm way (it makes you feel "disrespected").

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you- she's already made up her mind that you're a weak guy, she can manipulate and demand of you what she wants, and she can do whatever she wants.

Even if you managed to give her an ultimatum that she buys, she's just going to go back to doing this, as she in her soul DOES NOT RESPECT YOU as a strong man to follow.

The only long-term solution is to kick her out, file for divorce, and cut all contact. Make sure you cover your bases with your roommate too, as she's probably going to accuse you of abuse (maybe even rape)- to manipulate you into being with her again.

If you don't salvage your life by doing this I promise you will never be happy, nor have a wife who respects you and adds value to your life.

[Dgross5652420]

I don't get where you think I'm weak from that but that is your opinion I am by far not weak I just have to watch some of the things that he has threatened in my line of work that could destroy me and she knows it so that's why she's playing on it. As an officer I have to watch what people say about me and she has already made a tense to save things not just to me but to others that could not only be damaging to me but to my career. For instance she repeatedly accused me of sleeping with my female partner and the other day we had an argument and she spouts out with go off and f*** your partner and I yelled back and all the sudden she said that I frightened her that I was being too aggressive and unpredictable lately. Everything with her that she doesn't agree with his is an excuse so it turns into a vicious circle even when she is faced with proof that she's wrong she's right

[JamesDiaz11]

You don't get where? Really?
Case and point:
Exhibit 1: Your wife is talking to her ex
Exhibit 2: You found out about it, and only said it made you "feel disrespected"
Exhibit 3: She has continued to do it, and you've allowed it
Exhibit 4: She's now placing demands on you to stop her from all-out leaving you
Exhibit 5: You have done nothing except bend to her demands
I rest my case.

Listen dude, you can be physically strong, or a cop/ military, but still be weak in the eyes of women/ your woman.

What you're doing isn't "playing it safe," or "being cautious," you're letting her create an environment where she can do whatever she wants, and any response you make can and will be construed as aggressive, and potentially violent. She probably even has you second-guessing yourself like "maybe I did say this too aggressively" Gaslighting nonsense.

I'm not here to challenge your masculinity, because I don't give two shits about the situation, but it's clear to see that the only win you get out of this situation is to leave her. Be proactive and have both you and your "female partner" make a statement that nothings gone on between you to your department. Save any messages she's sent you, and prepare them for a lawyer. Be PROACTIVE.

PS: I can assure you that your wife is already sleeping with her ex.

[Dgross5652420]

Not accepting it or bending to her demands as of today no longer together tired of it

[Emerald55346]

Okay so if she is threatening to leave you for another man she has already left in a sense, that is her straight up saying I have feelings for him and he is an option. No one wants to leave someone in the hardest time of their life but as a women I would want to have closure yes but be in a happy relationship as well, it just comes off like she is using you knowing her position it’s manipulation bottom line and it’s not healthy or fair to you. She wants what she wants this is important to to her, I would just start protecting your self by pulling away and not forcing anything at this point, you have every right to have a boundary but in this situation of life and death it’s so complicated you just may have to get ready to love her from a distance

[SecretsofKB]

Are you sure you're actually married and she isn't just letting you stick around? Cuz it sounds like as soon as she has a better offer, she's kicking you to the curb.

I'm sorry to say this, but I think your marriage is over. If this is the way she treating you and she's doing these things because it "makes her happy", then you don't have a relationship with her.

You need to have a serious conversation with her, or you need to find someone that will respect you.

[Waldoe]

Leave her NOW, show some backbone...