When to call it quits in your relationship?

[Gurdy2816]

I am in a two-year relationship with a wonderful guy. He is kind, caring, funny, smart, and everything I have ever wanted in a significant other. Unfortunately, there is one rather large problem in our relationship. I am not se*ually attracted to him. I don't think I ever have been, but it used to be easier to hide. I have no interest in engaging in those types of activities with him and often find myself cracking jokes whenever he tries to kiss me or make a move. I love him so much and he is my biggest supporter and rock, it just sucks we are lacking such a fundamental part of a romantic relationship. We have spoken about this problem multiple times and came to the agreement our relationship can't continue like this. It is not fair for either of us. I have tried and exhausted all forms of communication. We have tried different things to make our 'intimate' life better, but nothing can get me longing for him in that way. At this point, I feel as if I will never be se*ually attracted to him, for no fault of his own.

I guess my question is - have you guys ever experienced anything like this before? What did you and your partner do about it? I just want to hear other people's stories. It makes me physically sick to my stomach imagining our relationship ending, but I don't want to marry and have a life with someone I am not attracted to. It just sucks because I really do love him.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I have experienced something like this, kinda. I’ve had long term romantic relationships, yet we never had sex. I was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t get myself to open up to them sexually. I would kiss them, cuddle, and do things like that, but never sex. I guess it’s kinda different, but I think as the relationship matured, I realized that it probably wasn’t the best for either of us. I realized that if I couldn’t trust them or open up sexually, we wouldn’t be able to move forward.


I never was unattracted to them sexually, but I was open about telling them that I don’t want to have sex. They understood and respected that. I think that was one of the many factors as to why the relationships ended, but more of the insignificant factors. I remember telling them that I felt guilty I couldn’t do that for them, which made me want to break up, but I was emotionally attached to them so I didn’t want to break up.


I think it’s something you have to decide. You said you don’t want to be in a relationship or marry someone that you are not sexually attracted to… And marriage is so important to some people, as well as sexual attractions… So I think you need to decide if being in a sexless/sexually unattracted relationship is something you want, or if you want to start new with someone you are sexually attracted to.


But, I have to question…. Are you asexual? Or do you just not have any attraction to him specifically? Are you sexually attracted to other people?

[JoyGirl]

What about his looks bug you?
Relationships are not all about looks…

[Gurdy2816]

It's not his looks! He is exactly my type... tall, athletic, dark hair and dark features. In theory, I would be all over him. It's not his hygiene or anything like that either. I can't put a finger on why I am not feeling attracted to him. Maybe it's something about his mannerisms, but honestly I don't have a reason. If I had a known reason I would be able to fix it and we could continue to stay together. I can't fix a problem if I don't know what's causing it.

[JoyGirl]

So, when you break up with him, you are going to tell him no reason? 😂
Girlll…lmao

Either way, trust your gut. 💜

[Chris76859]

It sounds like you're better off as friends.
With my ex-wife we were very affectionate and always all over each other for years and years. our relationship was more physical than anything, we didn't communicate well and argued a lot. My last relationship was a better balance, but she was even more sexual and always instigating it.
There was one nice woman who I met online that was really nice to me, but I wasn't strongly attracted to her and had to ease away from that. I felt bad but if you're not attracted to each other than it's just a friendship.

[UniquelyBasic]

When its not mutually beneficial to either of you emotionally or physically.

[nachosaresexy]

Hi, I know this question is kinda old but have you figured out any sort of resolution yet?

Like others suggested, y'all sound like a better match as platonic friends because there's really no way for a relationship to thrive without intimacy (in a variety for forms, but physical is an important one). It'd be like trying to keep a plant alive without water, by spitting on it.

Let me know if there's anything new going on that I can offer advice from a male perspective!

[JuanVelasco2]

I end my relationship when the woman bores me, about 20 days after I started.

[JoyGirl]

Hmmm…spoken like a true child. 😂

[Anonymous]

You are shallow and entitled.
You are lucky someone wants you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a you problem not a him problem..