Can you love your next more than your "perfect" ex?

[Anonymous]

Well I have been questioning this for the past 1 year.. My relationship ended like 13 months ago, and I am still feeling the pain deeply.. We did not end on a bad note. We are still friends and loving/caring each other. She was the first for many things. I loved her so much, with deep feelings and emotions. Can I love my "next" more than her? Part of me thinks it is not possible.. For this reason I do not want any more relationship..

[HollyK21]

You definitely can, I just don’t think you’ve met the right person yet. Do you feel like having your ex around still hinders you at all? I mean it’s good that you ended on a good note to where you can still be friends, but if you didn’t give yourself the space to heal first then you only make it harder to not only move on, but truly receive someone new into your life.

[Asker]

Well, no one is perfect, but I loved and accepted her the way she was. Of course there could be more "suitable" partners, but our mutual emotions were different. We really loved each other. Like we both had relationships before, but we have come to the conclusion that we loved each other more than our ex'es. Of course I still love her, it does make me sad to see her as a friend because she is not my "girlfriend". But I am still open to new relationships, so is she. But part of me thinks I have MAXED out my love feelings with her. Like I cannot love someone more. Maybe I can love as much, but not more. I dont know why I think like this.

[HollyK21]

I hear you, but trust me, you may think something is impossible until it happens, then everything changes. Your capacity to give and receive love does not have the boundary you are creating and believing in your mind, but you won’t realize that until the right person comes along. You’ll think you can’t love or care about someone more than an ex, until you do.

[Asker]

Thanks Holly.. let's hope you are right and I can love someone more and feel even more than this.. I have to beat my prejudgemental thoughts though.. At this stage I am afraid of falling in love.. Also potentially seeing her with someone else will make me very sad..

[HollyK21]

That’s one of the big downsides in agreeing to friendship before you’ve fully closed that door and allowed yourself to heal and move on. In theory yeah, some people want to remain close to their ex’s and don’t see an issue with it on a surface level. However in reality, you haven’t been able to properly do the work it takes to move on and be in a position where you can watch her move on without an issue, or to be able to be a shoulder for her to cry on when a dating stage fails, or an ear to listen when her and another man are going through something. What’s worse is on top of that, she may not even be able to keep you in her life when she finds that new guy, making all of this suffering truly pointless. My point with saying all of this is — give yourself the space from her to heal if you still need it. Because otherwise you will still fear opening up to someone new, since you’ve yet to truly heal from your past, and are making it harder for yourself to do so.

[Anonymous]

Does she have kids? You could be just getting through this phase of a heartbreak. It’s okay to date when you are ready to date. You will find yourself a new light in life. I was saying the same thing before I got married.

[boggboss]

Yes as nobody is actually perfect lol they are perfect in the moment

[Felinegirl]

Not sure if you can love them more, but you can definitely love them just as much!

[Asker]

I hope so lol

[In_Trance]

Of course