What do I do, help?

[Anonymous]

I'm attracted and have feelings for my coworker however I'm married and I love my wife and stepdaughter. I told my coworker how I felt thinking it would scare her away with her knowing I'm married and she having a boyfriend. Turned out it had an opposite effect and she holds the same feelings I do. I hate that I feel torn in two like this. FYI. My coworker and I made plans multiple times to just go out on a date but she either cancelled or made up an excuse for not being able to go. It's probably for the best. But what do I do to stop wanting another woman. And yes I am very in love, sexually attracted and involved with my wife.

[bucketofsmile]

If I can give some advice, keep dating your wife, each week for example. Not just to heal your issue but to keep building and nurturing your marriage. Although temptations are normal part of life, they are however more likely to occur when your marriage needs more care. I don't mean that you don't care it or neglect, but sometimes doing better than good is a goal to set. Keep connecting with your wife, talk and listen to her. Share passions, hobbies, set goals with your wife (it can be something fun like learning a new language or skill, visit a place, make genealogy, etc).

Also when you go to work, just come here for work and only for work. Its okay and fair to put distances with coworkers sometimes (yet still being positive and cooperative). When you're back home, turn off business phone and emails.

Maybe you already do some or all of this. But these can make a real difference.

You may also want to read "the seven principles for making marriage work" by John Gottman PhD, or "8 dates" from the same author.

Also please consider consulting a marriage counselor/therapist and talk openly to the professional. This resource is by many people and couples too often underestimated or used in "most severe" challenges.

Hope that helps.