I have to negotiate/dispute/argue a case at work and I don't want to come home to more of that. Also unfortunately there is a tendency on the feminist spectrum for girls to think because they don't know anything about -lets say car engines - therefore you don't either. Which is quite annoying and aggravating.
On the traditionalist side it can so submissive that you have to guess what they want rather than simply telling you their preference. Also a submissive girl can be manipulative in getting what she wants instead of saying what she wants. I know guys who have been ramped up into more and more debt by traditionals. I remember taking one such girl out to four places on a date because she didn't that happy with my choice and didn't care to venture an opinion on the options offered. Annoying.
Either extreme can be hard work.
So I would go for submissive enough not to be disputative but not so submissive as not to have an opinion and to not work out the plusses and minuses of some course of action with you.
If 4 is mildly disputative, 5 is neutral and 10 is a complete submissive, I would go for 6 with a range of 5-7.
"I remember taking one such girl out to four places on a date because she didn't that happy with my choice and didn't care to venture an opinion on the options offered. Annoying."
This is just her testing you to see if you're dominant enough to handle her. Which you failed. The proper response would have been to just go to the first restaurant and stay at the first restaurant. Whether she eats or not or enjoys it or not is irrelevant to both of you. You're there for dinner and she wants to know if you're the man she needs and could care less about the food. If you're ever unsure how to handle these situations just think "what would the king of the world do?" And just do that. The king would not drive to four restaurants.
@bamesjond0069 Who drives to restaurants? If you are in the burbs I guess you might but not in the city. I have a dozen or more within a block of my front door in a cafe precinct! In a street of cafe/restaurants, it is customary, HERE, to walk along and look at the menus listen to the buskers spiel and see what special offers they will make and you might negotiate a dish. It is part of the fun of going out to dinner and you expect companions to take part in that.
It is quite a downer when someone won't say whether they would like pasta or steak or seafood because that is taking the fun out of it and is much the same as looking at a menu and not ordering.
The days lady menus (without prices) and of ordering for a lady are long past. That is far too submissive for me.
No. She was doing exactly what I said. Why does it matter what she wants? You're the man taking her out. And I assure you ordering for your lady isn't over. I usually order for my lady. Maybe you just prefer a submissive role where what she wants for dinner is more important than what you want for dinner (yet i assume you still pay?) I think that sets a dangerous precedent in a normal relationship. But if thats what you prefer... it didn't seem like it but more confusion and aggravation at what was going on and I was just pointing it out. Women do this to try and make a man "man up" if you will.
Actually after time for reflection I was probably unfair in my judgement. I had a thing for outer burb girls back then. I appreciated that they appreciated being invited to my street and would pack an overnight bag without being asked to. On the stroke of midnight public transport stopped so, in general, they were fairly committed to overnight accommodation and therefore accommodating.
Perhaps not very nice of me but hey I'm a guy.
Whats made me think further is there was another girl I was really hot for and I decided she was the type of girl who would be susceptible to wooing. So I booked the famous bay window table which was as private as you could be in a restaurant with bay views and cut flowers. in tall vases.
The thing was everything on the menu was unfamiliar to her. The waiter was superb and he gently asked her if she liked this or that but it was clearly not within her comprehension "Do you have any burgers" she finally asked. The waiter didn't blink. "Not on the menu but let me ask the kitchen" and came back with we can do this and would like ,,, a whole series of options for her". He never at any point made her feel invalidated and anything other than her tastes were being totally accommodated.
I gave him a big tip for his help in getting my leg over the girl which was the whole point of the bay window.
So in terms of the first girl referenced she was probably intimidated by options not on the Mac Donalds menu. So I was unduly harsh in my judgement and I did get my leg over of course.
My current girlfriend was like that. I would just explain because half the time its easy to understand. Beef tenderloin with pomme frites is just a steak and french fries just prepared fancy most likely. I mean i know she likes steak and french fries so id just order that for example. Then she eats it or doesn't. she's an adult not 5 years old. Now that she knows what a lot of stuff is, she just tells me what she wants and then i order it although sometimes i decide for her if i think she orders too much or not enough or makes a poor choice based off me knowing her.
Uh, I’m far from submissive in a relationship. I hate submitting to anyone. I certainly do not want to be in a master/slave relationship.
It does not mean that I will be domineering or controlling either. A relationship should be balanced - both my SO and I will be PARTNERS. If we are married and his decisions will influence my life, he has to consult me, and I will do the same.
I am by no means overbearing, but I will speak up for myself and stand my ground. I am strong willed. If I am proven wrong, I will accept it and apologize.
Of course, this does not apply to everyone. People are free to have their own preferences.
He's a good leader. He recognizes that it's not always about him, and that he's capable of being wrong. Those are important things for a leader to understand, and make it easier for those who follow them.
and tbh, it DOES carry over into the bedroom. I am 9% submissive, and 10% dominate. But he makes sure i get plenty of attention in the romance department BECAUSE i do support his decisions and he says because i am so feminine and respect his masculinity, it makes he love and desire me more.
I take the lead in my relationships and I expect her to be submissive in that way, but being the leader isn't just about power or making the decisions, it's also about competence and responsibility. If I wasn't a good leader, I wouldn't expect anyone to follow me.
Having said that, submissive doesn't mean powerless or lacking confidence, and it certainly doesn't mean being a slave. I don't want a mindless slave, I want a partner, with her own opinions and personality. I don't think a lot of people understand that - it's not the image that the media tries to push of submission in a relationship.
I don't even want to think about it like that. I want her to trust me to make decisions but I want to be able to trust her to tell me what's on her mind so that we can put our heads together.
Plus there's gonna be some things she's good at and some things I'm good at. When it comes to money, maybe I'll be the one sho should be in charge of that, maybe she's gonna be better at planning out vacations, maybe I'll do the cooking, maybe she's gonna decide how we re-model the living room because she has a better eye than I do.
It's a balance. If she's so submissive that she has no mind of her own, that's boring and unstimulating, if she's overly domineering then it's going to get frustrating having to live my life as someone's accessory lol.
The magic is to ask and tell. When the playing field is level, and clear, a relationship is smoother sailing no matter what. People don’t always have the best days. Life gets to you from time to time. The weaker link on a bad day isn’t exactly submissive, just welcoming to more support. You have to open up to heal. It’s give, and take, and understand. Flexible.
I need and want balance, someone with a stronger personality and also someone assertive, and I don't mean someone that will boss me around nor confrontational
to illustrate a bit, I just prefer to have a lioness by my side, not a fawn following me around... lol
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
It's weird really. I'm normally not the least bit submissive, socially or sexually, and in my one long term relationship I wasn't at all. However, I was with a guy for a while and he kind of had me mesmerized. I would do anything for him, in or out of bed. It's totally out of character for me.
Honestly being submissive in a relationship is boring to me. I'd rather have someone who can challenge my opinions on equal standing and still be reasonable. (This is hard to find by the way)
With my partner and only my partner a 10. Its nice to have someone that I can let go with, and nit have to worry about taking care if everything and everyone all the time.
I'd say I'd want it about equal. Someone who can be either a little submissive or aggressive depending on the situation. But I certainly don't wan't someone who can't handle themself.
in my opinion.. maybe 6/10 to be submissive... I would like it to be to the point that if we are so deeply into it, that I can pin her hands down and have my way ( with her permission), and vice versa
Home > Relationships > Questions > Ladies, on a scale of 1-10, how submissive are you to your SO 🤔? Gentlemen, on a scale of 1-10, how submissive do you want your woman 🤔?
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