How can you screen for abusers who fake kindness during the first few months or years?

[jennifer_bloom]

I heard multiple stories of abusive men who do not begin abusing their girlfriends until a year has passed in their relationship, or begin with very minor crimes like interrupting somebody while angry, and getting worse and worse until they are dangerous and threaten their lives, how do you catch the problem before it starts?

[Gent207]

They always leak their true selves out in times of stress. Note on how they handle situations involving stress, mercy, forgiveness and frustration.
These monsters are incapable of handling such situations effectively. They also don't respond well to constructive criticism.

[jennifer_bloom]

Very good response, wonder how you know this, if you’ve had female friends in that situation or read books about it

[Gent207]

@jennifer_bloom I have a background in psychology, and loads of female friends.

[CallmeTheKnight]

It all starts at your boundaries and their persistence to cross them. There's always gonna be red flags.

You can never hide who you truly are, because a mask only covers the face, but not the head.

[courtney06]

Well said

[HopefulGuy94]

Since , all of the people (only several exceptions per millions) fake kindness or anything good behaviour in relationships or communications not only in emotional relations but also any kind of relations in friendship , relativeship , familyship and so on -ship for people's relations everyone has started paying much more attention when compared to past. But , because everyone needs someone to trust the mistakes are made over and over again resulting in breaking down or out of service in terms of reliability , unfortunately. Hence , even the normal , in other words , non-emotional relationships are like these human beings are broken-hearted so cannot think of good interactions positively on relations as boyfriends/girlfriends. This is due for relationships are like baby toys nowadays even people reckon that they fall in love in their early 10's , you are a child in those ages what the hell. So every so-called loves By spreading these kind of things like a contagious disease even the people who have not had any emotional feelings against so far are also affected adversely , so what are their sins or guilt? Waiting for true love till the right time , right place , right person comes , huuh? Keeping all the feelings pure , not to harm it lol So then why people fake any behaviour , of course , because harming those clean feelings everytime and comsume it for those who cannot even deserve it , no no !!!

[globetrotter22]

Abusive guys are usually very controlling but too women initially mistake that dangerous behavior as strong masculine energy.

If they see or hear their girlfriend even having a polite (non flirty) conversation with another guy they quickly get pissed off. Women mistake that jealousy as “real love” when it’s really a very deep and dangerous insecurity.

These guys will always call the shots early which again for many woman comes off as confidence. Sure a man should take charge but not 100% of the time. This again is deep insecurity being masked as masculine energy.

Also men have been conditioned to be more mysterious and quiet about their flaws. Reason being is that women are so uptight and picky in the early stages that they often take minor and fickle issues a otherwise decent guy might have as a reason to quickly cut him off. So guys know they have to put on best behavior facade.

Now that’s not always bad. There are good yet flawed guys who know that once women start catching feelings they are more likely to tolerate our workable downsides. That can still be a healthy and loving relationship. But unfortunately abusive men know this as well and they are VERY good at putting on facades. Better than decent guys because they feel less guilt about being dishonest.

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

I really would like to know. I learned that women do this too. If I ever open my thick oaken gate again I would love to make sure that its not a Trojan bomb.

What i have done so far is look how they treat their family. But that has been across the board. So I honestly don't know and honestly would love an answer.

[hoqhuuep]

By not being gullible AF. Ask the guys he bullies. Women complain about toxic men then reliably steer for exactly those guys, swallow all their lies, ignore the loud AF red flags. If he looks like an ex-con, he's probably an ex-con. It isn't rocket science. Of course, this would require women to stop thinking with their privates.

[MikeInHawaii]

If you have a dog, trust your dog’s instincts more than you trust your own.

[MalaficentNew]

You can see his behavior day by day start from the beginning until the end with you either as boyfriend and girlfriend couple or husband and wife, and how he treat you during his bad day or when both of you have problem, you can see and feel it how his behavior, is it move forward to be better or otherwise getting worse, That's what you can do start from the beginning you started has relationship with a man, if he changed or not, only you know and judge his behavior and attitude during with you

[AnnieNonymus]

Don't allow someone to blur your boundaries. Small little episodes of bursts of anger are only the beginning. If something feels wrong, pay attention. Don't fall for promises of change. It won't happen as much as you want to believe it will.

[Arwen06]

You can't, it just seems like it's all part of the relationship. I'm still with my boyfriend

[Anonymous]

I wish I knew. There are some red flags that you could look out for tho like love bombing, getting too serious too soon, them being too perfect

[skeetskeetskeet]

They aren't lying in wait... for years just to punch you... more than likely you learned exactly how much shit you can talk

[Waldoe]

just because someone disagrees with you, does not mean he is abusive

[J_a_m_e_s_X_X]

Ask him what he thinks his character flaws and defects are.

[superdonkey]

Look for passive aggressive behavior

[Jamie05rhs]

Islam is a pretty good indicator.

[Jamie05rhs]

Though that's not the only one, unfortunately.

[anton_dee]

It is difficult to screen anyone

[Agape93]

You really can't

[Anonymous]

First few years?

[baserunner611]

Yes, to true