Do abusers actively try to change their behavior?

[Sabrina224]

So, I have a few tendencies when I’m angry to blame my boyfriend or yell, and The other day he broke up with me, as his therapist called me emotionally abusive. The kicker is, in November I told him I knew I could no longer have outbursts; and signed up for therapy. Due to my therapist and I both being out of town in Nov-Dec, I’ve only had 16 sessions that last a half our each (so eight hours total) and my progress has not been linear. I have always been clear with him that these outbursts are not meant towards him but stress or anger towards myself. He is on the spectrum, so it’s very difficult for him to process that (according to him), but he is aware. I just think that it’s unfair to label me, as I am actively working to rectify these issues. Do you label those who are actively trying to change abusers? Both my ex and my father are emotionally abusive, and neither is cognizant or their actions, but I have always been of mine.

Yes

No

[Girlygovroom]

Just Iike your therapist will with you, his therapist has only heard his side of the story, so I wouldn’t take the abuser label to heart. But I do think it’s possible you have abusive tendencies, like most people. When you say “try to change it”, do you mean as in improve or switch up the technique of abuse? Either way, both of them are true. And it’s unreasonable to think you can improve on such a short amount of time, it might take years, if not decades. It is also unreasonable to expect him to stay if he’s being verbally abused, as no one deserves that no matter how much love is behind it. Understand that he has to take care of himself first, and you should continue going to a therapist. Don’t give up, if you’re willing to improve, you can!

[Sabrina224]

Totally mean to improve, not switch tactics! I’m certain I do, as I’ve been in an abusive relationship and that’s what I was taught: but I’m going to give him space and continue to do work so only time will tell how he feels

[Wise4myage]

They do if they are sincere about changing their evil ways. But actions speak louder than words.