Am I the A-Hole for cancelling my partners birthday party, I planned for him?

[Anonymous]

My partner and i have been together for 2 years, his birthday is coming up. I planned a cake (got it on reservation), placed a reservation at the pub for dinner. I had no idea that he made plans with others to go to another place, i found out by someone else that he won't be attending what I've planned for him, as he will be with others that night. I cancelled all the reservations i made and obviously i wasn't invited, cause no one actually in formed me. Im the kind of person that “if you're not invited, you dont go”. So i won't be going, I’ve actually texted my manager and asked for work that night and he said that it is fine. So ill miss the whole thing. Am i the A-Hole for doing this? I feel kinda guilty, but i wasn't invited to the dinner to begin with

[Gent207]

Did you talk to your partner about the party you planned and get him to change his mind?
If you didn't it sounds like you shot yourself in the foot in an attempt to punish him by volunteering to work on those days.
You can't punish yourself and expect it to not hurt those that love you.

[Asker]

He knew i was planning it, i showed him some photos of cakes that the cake shop has (i picked out one that looked so nice), asked him about what hed like, he himself even said that the pub was where he might have it.

I reached out to a friend and asked them about the pub and they said “he didn't tell you? He isn't having it there, we are going somewhere else. We have organised and reserved it at this other bar across town”. I was shocked, that i had no idea and the way the friend sent the message, it was definitely worded, to me not being invited.

I messaged my partner, while he was at work and questioned him about it and he said “oh, i forgot i made them plans”. When he came home, he mentioned it to me and i said “you could of told me before I reserved everything or at least invited me. Yous didn't even let me help out nor even invited me, so i won't be going, im going to work instead”. Then we didn't talk to each other for a few hours, i didn't bother try to change his mind, since i was overruled by his friends, i didn't see the point of trying to, im just going to have a night at work and when i finish going home to watch movies

[Gent207]

That breaks my heart not to get all white knight but I would've appreciated the fuck out of a night at a nice pub (or bar here in the US). Hell buy me some cpt Morgan rum and I'm happy asf.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope he has a good fucking reason for doing that to to you.
No I don't accept the BS execuse WeLl mY fRiEnDs PlAnNeD iT".

[Asker]

It was the excuse he used, I reserved this cake i was going to pick up the day before (this was supposed to all happen next week), it was a tallish round cake, with melted chocolate in the middle and some fancy chocolate stuff on top, all up it would of costed me $99.50, that included number candles for the cake. Which i was going to buy from there too.

Then i was going to buy him from this shoe and hat shop, he wanted some stuff from there and i was going to do a big present, (kind of had a set price for everything, around $150 or $200 or maybe a few little things from there and a gift card too). Then dinner at a table i reserved, for us 2, friends and his family (my mum couldnt make it, she's really the only one im close with). But it all came crashing down

So that day, i might do a walk-in for a small tattoo, get myself some lunch, go to work until 9pm and then come home and order something for my dinner and watch movies. Im not angry with him, just disappointed.

My mum suggested that, next time his birthday comes around, that they should plan for that too, she even said that they could of ran it through with me or even mentioned it or maybe even invited me. I told her that i felt like a total looser

[Gent207]

Wow
You are not a loser, your boyfriend is a Grade 3 Ungrateful Asshole on my assholery scale he ranks 6 out of 10.
The chart topper belongs to the guy that broke up with his girlfriend at her HS graduation party

[Asker]

I told my grandma and she said “you should do what Mr Bean (she loves Mr bean) does, place the reservation, take the cake and buy yourself a birthday card and pretend its your birthday instead”, she also said “dont forget your steak tartare and to put it in the sugar bowl”. It did definitely cheered me up

When its my birthday, my S/O parties with his friends, although my birthday falls on a public holiday and a day everyone celebrates. It would be still nice to do something special, my birthday won't be for another 5/6 months and id probably forget all this by that time, to do the same to him.

I even brought him tickets to a festival held in the town over and they have a ice skating rink, I literally have no friends, so i can't invite anyone on that ticket

[Gent207]

Wow your grandma sounds awesome
Why are you still with this guy?
Your birthday should be celebrated

[Gent207]

Feel free to message me if you want to vent. I would like to stay in touch with your story.

[Gent207]

So when was the party?

[OlderAndWiser]

You've been together for two years and he didn't invite you to a birthday celebration that he planned for himself. I would say that he is the asshole.

[Floopa_mouse]

What an asshole (not you, him). You should break up with him for that. The fact he didn't invite his own partner to his bday party is crazy.

[Asker]

I placed a reservation at the pub and placed a reservation for a cake, that costed me $100 (it was a large cake, to do the ones he was going to invite), thankfully i got the money back on the cake and it wasn't short notice for the cake store, as they didn't make the cake.

I told him when he got home, about these plans he made with other people, that i didn't know, i sarcastically said “thanks for telling me about your other plans”, cancelled everything and got a work shift that night. He said “are you serious? Do you think you werent invited?” I said “clearly, when you dont get invited, you dont ask…” he walked off angry

[kxkckcco]

No you are not in the wrong, he made plans with out you so why would you do with him?

[Asker]

I made me annoyed, when i found out through someone else (after i paid/reserved) about everything, no one told me that they had planned this restaurant/bar for him, they never told me what day, they never said anything. But only did when i mentioned the reservations i made, which lead me to cancelling everything. He called me a asshole, but i dont see how i am, considering that i wasn't invited to this other place (no one, not even him invited me), i never got told and probably wouldn't of either (probably, not until the day of) and he even called me a asshole, for asking my manager for a shift that night they planned his party. I got to do something, since i wasn't invited and currently, its to be away from him as much as i can right now

[Anonymous]

Nice that you planned something for him. He naively made his open preparations. Maybe assuming you'd go, maybe not.
It would be natural to ask him about it, having found this problem. But having cancelled everything it would still have been wise to leave the time open just in case you were needed.
You get not to be the a-hole if you accommodate him on his birthday and don't hold it against him. Even if he didn't think of you.

[Drumlin2001]

Sounds like communication is a problem for you both. Have a conversation with him, maybe explain what you were doing and how not knowing his plans affected you

[CallmeTheKnight]

What makes this worse is that you didn't bother asking him yourself.
You acted without thinking, which is bad in itself.
He could've told you his plans for hos birthday but oh well

[slatyb]

He didn't invite you? It doesn't sound like much of a partnership.

[Jouth]

well some might argue that women belong in the kitchen if he's your boyfriend and all

[Anonymous]

i dont think you're an ahole tbh. if i were youu i'd definitely feel so upset

[Onceuponoflove]

No you're a sweet little thing. He's a jerk.

[FilmGuy93]

That doesn't sound like you're being an A-hole.

[Anonymous]

Kick that motherfucker’s ass to the planet Uranus

[RuthlessAggression]

Yes, you are

[bridgethagap69]

Complete shit go