How would you heal your relationship if you cheated?

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy and I was casually using a dating app where I met this girl. We used to talk for hours, went for dates, let her meet my family, went to feed stray dogs, cooked together and much more.. only to find out I kinda like her.

Before I met her, i used to sext with a girl and a little bit flirting with another one (Yeah i know you'd call me a male hoe). This was during my "exploration" phase where I set no boundaries to myself and just wanted to try everything. After meeting this girl I got interested in, I started to feel love again. I was happy that I can FEEL something now, but at the same time I lost control to that "sexting girl" and we continued to sext even I was in relationship.

I knew if i want to take my relationship to next level, I'd have to block all these girls, matches etc. but I wasn't quite sure how do i re-program myself. Well I guess god gave me the quickest way to do so. My girl checked my phone and she knows everything about me now. She calls me a cheater.

I never made it physical, it was only texts, and i didn't start chats with anyone after meeting her. It was only with girls i knew before meeting her (this still doesn't justify my sexting, I'm aware of it). What I mean to say is, I never had this intention of particularly cheating on her or something. It was something I was doing before meeting her and it continued even after we got in a relationship. I know this is wrong, I wanted to end that stuff too but i didn't know how to change myself and rectify myself.

Please don't come to me with all the hate for cheaters. I know what I did is very wrong and I'm very much guilty about my actions too. I have even acknowledged this thing to my closest of friends so that they see my dirty side too.

After this, she has given me a chance, we went on a few dates, had sex etc, but she still hasn't recovered from it. She has trust issues and other problems. Please help me guys.

[Honesttguy]

Trust is simple, all you have to do is be honest and trust just happens on its own with time.

Problem is tho to build trust takes time to deatroy trust takes seconds. So if you dont know how to build trust then you will again and again destroy what you build thus never truly building trust between you two.

I have never had problems building trust, never its just how i am. For you however it might be different story. So far you built trust then destroyed it, so i expect you will do something similar in future, cus you still didn't learn to take responsibility for your own actions. Desiring to fix, trust is not to be fixed, it will build on ita own, instead you habe to accept what comes from your bs actions, thats all and sometimes you will have to accept people leaving you for bs actions, nothing to fix there.

[ShadowMonarch]

Communication
Communicate with her... because if you feel that she hasn't recovered then its safe to assume that she hasn't recovered... go to a place where you can be comfortable talking with her.
Because these kind of situations shake the very foundations of a pure relationship. Maybe she has the idea that you will cheat again

[Asker]

I agree with you totally. I'm trying my best to change myself. I'm meditating, maintaining a gratitude journal, less social media, no fap etc. and i report this to her on a daily basis and she'd still bring all the past to me which i can't change unfortunately. I tell her that I'm changing whatever is in my hand and in my control right now but i can't change what i've already done. I can see she is expecting something, but I'm not sure what is it.
Also, whenever she brings this stuff up, I just can't utter a single word in my defence because i get in so much guilt. This in return triggers more anger in her. Please guide me.

[itsmeirene]

If she had sexting another boy, would you say it was only text? She hasn't broken up with you but will constantly suffocate you because of trust issues. Also, how do you know you won't do it again? My opinion is to break up with your girlfriend. Your relationship goes to a toxic way.

[SamA_nold]

I would do her a favor and leave. Let her find someone who will treat her with respect and not cheat like you did.

[Brokenh3art3d]

This is similar to sitting in my relationship. I keep trying to tell my boyfriend of he just come clean and give full access without any defensiveness to go through his phone anytime I ask until I'm able to see and feel secure and see that there isn't anything there which takes time. I try telling him be patient and answer any questions I have 100% honesty no matter what. Also, I've told him to just tell me anytime he talked to female even if ran into old friends in store. It would help show he not hiding anything. I also told him I would do the same. Building trust after something takes time and patience and communication is main thing to work.

[ChrisMike1919]

Unfortunately damage was done. Even if you block all the other girls and heal this relationship, it won't be like first time. Even in an online relationship (as I did).

[Asker]

Every relationship has their ups and downs and it's never like the first time. She says she loves me but she is sad that she can't trust me. Even now when I discuss my future with her, she gets happy. I just need to make her get over the trust issue thing.

[ChrisMike1919]

And you think it's gonna be easy?

[Asker]

Ofcourse it is not going to be. It would take double or maybe triple amount of efforts, care and love. I know that well. I'm not sure how to win her trust, maybe I won't. She secretly wishes I win her trust but I dont know how to.

[ChrisMike1919]

Well then, good luck in regaining her trust.

[Asker]

Thank you sir!

[jahaims]

You don't. You pass the price for being trash and move on

[Twalli]

You violated her trust. It's going to take time for her to trust you again. You can't fix it quickly. The trust has to come from her when she's ready.

[In_Trance]

you don't. go your separate ways