How to make it clear to men I don't want to date (be a girlfriend) for too long without sounding desperate?

[Anonymous]

I'm 22, single (just finished college), haven't been in a relationship yet and honestly time is precious to me. I'm not religious nor care about it. I just don't want to waste my time.

I don't want to give myself, invest too much time (4-6 years) with someone I'm going to break-up and then have to start all over. It's going to be harder by then. This might sound silly but I would like 3 children and my first one between ages 24-26, not in my 30's.

I know very well men don't like being pressured into commitment but here is the deal... if I let him take all his sweet time and wait for him to be ready then that'll be within 5-10 years and I can't wait that long nor want to. How do I make this clear to men without sounding desperate? What should a woman do if she wants kids when she's still in her good years?

Updates

+1 y

I know how lovebombers and PUA sound like. I actually don't understand how a woman isn't already bored after 2 years of ''one day we'll have a family, I love you till the moon and the stars''. I'm getting out if I don't see anything happening soon.

[Rosexøxø]

I mean.. it doesn’t have to be desperation, it can very well just be your preference. You’re the conceiver of the child. Be honest in any relationship you enter into and you, yourself, communicate your preference, or just keep aware of the time while seeing if he’s compatible for you and checking first, if he’s into marriage and likes kids. Some guys are more ready to be dads than others. I know some young, but mostly older guys who are ready to be dads, so check some respectable older ones in your social groups. They’ll also be more likely to settle down, than fool around. Hope this helps

-xoxo

[QuietVerbena]

Most men aren’t ready for marriage at 22. Sorry.

[Asker]

But I want to start a family. I love kids. That's my goal. I have the rights to want what I want and find a like-minded man. I don't want to have my first child when I'm in my 30's. I want my first at earliest when I'm 24 and at latest at age 26.

[QuietVerbena]

A guy shouldn’t lie to you and lead you on but a lot of men (and women) really aren’t ready at your age. Maybe try a religious organization. They tend to marry and have kids younger.

[QuietVerbena]

Of course you do. But a lot of men don’t want that. You need to find one who is. Try a religious guy.

[Asker]

I'm atheist but ok I don't mind if he's religious. The thing is I've seen religious men are trying to convert you. If he doesn't respect my lack of believe in church and god, then that'll be a hard relationship.

[QuietVerbena]

I get it. But very few atheist or agnostic men wanna get married at 22, let alone start a family. It’s just not important to them.

[Losalt]

What does marriage have to do with any of this?
She wants a child only.
Over here marriage isn't seen as a prerequisite for having children at all.
That said, you're right about that age being on the early side for most people these days...

[QuietVerbena]

@Losalt she makes it clear she wants him to commit to raising a family. That means either marriage or marriage without the papers.

[Asker]

@Losalt
Go back and just read my question on my post, right after I don't want to date, it's followed by a parentheses. I included an important phrase on the parentheses. It's I don't want to date (be a girlfriend) for too long. I consider being a live-in girlfriend for 4-5 years too much, why would I be good enough just to be someone's girlfriend where he can claim to love me so much but not his wife.

[Asker]

yes you better believe... I do want kids in a marriage... with a husband, not with a boyfriend.

[HaveNoName]

I think you just need to focus on your life and career and let it be knowm that that you will only date for if the decision to tie the knot comes quick. There. Is no sich thing as dating for months and years to decide of that person is the one. Things change as soon as you get married. So whats the point of creating those false expectations.

[HaveNoName]

Wow !! MHO with all those typos 😫.. (I must have been typing in bright sunlight or i was not wearing my reading glasses).

[SiberFox]

Simple, no sex before marriage and establish the amount of children to be had during the dating phase. Simple.
The hard part is finding the guy that will acquiesce to these rules. Especially if you aren't a virgin, because he'll know that another guy got "it" for a lot less work.

[Asker]

Actually I'm a non-religous (atheist) virgin. I dedicated my time on school and my first 4 years of college. I'm done and want to form a family.

[SiberFox]

Then stay strong and be straight forward with what you want, don't falter.
I'm sure a good man will come along and sweep you off your feet. Good luck.

[BarryLiverstone]

If you haven’t been in a relationship with the best thing you can do is date and enter one asap. Likely the first guy you date things will fall apart so better to recover and learn so you can be more successful next time. If you want to be married sooner then by the numbers go for a guy in his 30s

[IMuser]

Date someone 30+. They are likely ready to settle soon

[Anonymous]

It really comes down to you being the kind of woman a good man wants to marry, and you attracting a good man.

[EaterPeter]

I like the way you have wrote it here. I am sure you can convey that in person too.

[Lollipop1123]

My problem is my penis to lo lol Ng so a lot of girls don't like blowing me