Would you help your friend if they were in an abusive relationship?

Question

My friend just texted me after not hearing from her in about a month. She said that she got kicked out of her dads house and chose to stay with her boyfriend at his house (she had her boyfriend in her dads house and her dad kicked both of them out). While she’s been staying with her boyfriend he’s been abusing her, he broke her phone and she’s afraid of him. She hasn’t left and she doesn’t have a way to leave unless I picked her up. I want to help her. However, I don’t want to put myself in danger…

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have a friend that is dating a rapist, who routinely preys on younger girls who are more easily manipulated. My friend fits his type. I told her everything I knew about him when I found out they were dating. She didn't believe me. I'm pretty sure that she told him, because the next morning, this man who didn't know my name before had added me on every social media and began saying hello to me by name every time we crossed paths in the hallway. I think he was trying to intimidate me.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't help your friend. I'm not even saying that I regret telling my friend what I told her. Even now I make sure to always keep the door open to her. I'm just saying that you're not wrong to be worried for yourself.

If she's willing to go to the police, and she has enough proof to get something done about it, that's her best bet. If not, I'd say to get her situated somewhere that he can't reach her. If you feel confident that he could not get into where you're living - and that she wouldn't let him in - that's your prerogative. If not, there are other places to get her situated.

Don't pick her up at her house. Pick her up at a neutral location. Somewhere public. Her workplace, or a grocery store or something. And help her set up housing somewhere else. If you're in school campus housing is an option. Even in the summer, most schools have housing available. If she has a job, help her find a cheap apartment. If not, there are women and children's shelters. Or maybe she has family she can stay with. I don't know what happened with her dad, but what about her mom? Or a sibling, or an aunt.

LovingLoverReturned · Accepted Answer

Help your friend with knowledge. She must make an escape plan that her boyfriend does not know about. And flee. Where will she stay? I'm not sure but tell her to leave the house wearing makeup and try to change up her look... if possible tell her get recordings secretlyof her boyfriend threatening her. hopefully he isn't a possessive asshole.

Ans make a report... Your friend should at least be willing to take these precautions so to reduce endangering your life if you decide to leg her stay with you. She must be willing not to answer his calls or to try to make up with him or let him know her location.

Have a serious talk with her.

TwiNshichamp1 · Accepted Answer

Damn, So sorry for your friend that is life. She is lucky she got a Friend like you! now you should plan how to help her!! What I would suggest

1. Take him somewhere, maybe where you live without a knowledge of his boyfriend she should change her number and everything so that she has 0 connection with his boyfriend.

2. Try to help her finding a job. Or I would suggest she should start doing online businesses or starting learning how to trade Cryptocurrency or Forex. It's hard but it pays at the end of failures, heart broken and etc but it really pays off 🔥

3. Start her new life because she now makes money she will do better, also she will help you with some staying expenses like Rent, electric and water bills, food et

Life is too short to not showing kindness and helping somebody if you're capable of. Sit and think this 3 options you will get what to do. But remember don't let her boyfriend know where you guys are in any cost.

reelteen · Accepted Answer

Good lord, most of the men responding to this are dense...

Go and help her. Abuse victims often stay in a relationship due to fear of reprisal if they leave, so they don't risk it. The likelihood it will get worse anyways is very high, because the abuser KNOWS they can get away with it. Go with a group of friends if you have to, and get her out of there. Involve the police, and start filing for a restraining order. Your friend will certainly need therapy to learn to cope with the trauma, as well as understand it wasn't her fault. Let her crash at your place if you can, and make sure to know she can whenever she needs to. Abuse victims usually get told they are a burden, so make sure she knows it isn't a problem for her to stay there.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

Can you drop her off somewhere where he can’t find her such as a brother or cousins or grandmas house?

hafinjun · Answer

I'm guessing Mr. Wonderful doesn't work? Will the police get involved. or does he have to really hurt her. How would you contact her without a phone. your right to worry, I highly recommend caution, if your picking her up, make certain he doesn't know where she went. If he sees you or somehow knows it went with you to your house I would bet 99.9%, he will end up at your house creating a scene. If it's as bad as all that and I believe it is I'm not doubting you , when she is ready to leave don't screw around trying to pack all her clothes and get all her foods out take the important papers change the clothes and get the f*** out don't play games and it would be better if you have a women's shelter in the area that she could stay at for a while until he gets the message will protect her and you if you have any questions you want to ask anything in private or here feel free I'll do my best to answer good luck and I hope everything works out please keep us updated

Unknown_Swan_ · Answer

I'm not an expert on abusive relationships, but my best bet would be to go to the police maybe?

If she's got bruises, cuts, scars, marks on her body, or any video, photographic or written evidence of him abusing her, they've got to at least take that seriously.

I feel for your friend, and I feel for you too being stuck in a powerless situation. The best thing you can do is be there for her as much as you can, and take note if she goes MIA again with contact for too long.

I'm not too sure how to handle this situation and feel my advice may be invalid, but it's the best I can come up with unfortunately. Either way she needs to get away from him in some way as soon as possible.

Alex8736 · Answer

That is a very grey area where there is a cycle like a clock where when someone who is a real friend tries to help then the abuser gets all nice to the victim making you look bad and when that happens the victim is even more in a confused state due to the abuser playing mind games

kylee2437 · Answer

Depends. If my friend ever felt unsafe, I would help her BUT it’s very hard to help people out of abusive relationships because unfortunately there’s a thing called trauma bonding. Trauma bonding is where an abuser bread crumbs their victims with good times so they will stay for through the abusive times. Chances of them getting out of the relationship because you spoke up about it is slim to none.

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

🤣😂 I should not be laughing. But naw don't save her.

Here's why:
After you save they ass a week later they be back with the ex and then you won't hear from her again. That's the shit they do then they pop right back up after they get they head knocked off again. I been there to help a friend only for a week later her man pop up at the mall parking lot to kick her car in while we were in it, twist her arm and throw her phone. Next day she was back with him. I let her go never again will I allow someone to put me in danger.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Definitely, but she, unlike male victims, has no shortage of resources to help her get away from her abuser and move on with her life. There are over 1500 emergency shelters available for women and children in the US, and half again more available with some notice. There are dozens of phone numbers and websites available with resources for women as well. She’s fortunate to have found the courage to ask for help. Too few do.

melanieeeB · Answer

I would go there, but I wouldn't go alone! I would take another man with me, I would ask my brother to come with me 🙄

... but then again, you're living in America right? There honestly I would be so scared of getting shot, by all the bullshit you hear online. Can you call the police? Could they get her out?

NathanDavis · Answer

I would be the one needing help... from lawyers

as they would probably not believe me that as just as I knocked at their house´s door, the guy broke all those ribs, one knee and both wrists while falling down the stairs, so I had to break into the house to check on him and I called 911

and he also fell down face first, that's why and how he got all those facial fractures

MrButty88 · Answer

@pink2000 I respect your honesty, I can tell you never been in a abusive relationship.  But if you want to be friends with her. Stay there. If you want to be "GOOD" friends with her. Help her. Also, this is not about getting "put in danger", this is ultimately what separates the girls from the women. Since you are 22. I don't expect you to understand what being a woman is.  But dont let your friend suffer. That is if any of this stuff you are saying is true. @pink2000

EtherealGuy · Answer

Don't get involved directly because you might inflame the situation. Ring the police non emergency line and see what they can do about this. They have a whole playbook on how to approach domestic violence cases so they don't escalate in a way which can make things worse.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Call the police to file a restraining order and a report on the guy and make sure your friend learns her lesson in choosing good men. I don't blame her father for kicking her boyfriend out of his house, there is more than likely a great reason why.

20yearsolder · Answer

I sure would and I've done it. I think if she had stayed much longer he would have killed her. She's now married and has a child and happy and that's all that mattered to me

worldscolide · Answer

I tried. My sister in law got beaten up repeatedly by her husband. He broke her arm. We had her in our home. We tried to assist with getting her away permanently. She went right back to him. That was the first and last time I will ever help her.

affectioncrave · Answer

If I heard someone is treating my friend less than they deserve, I'd be infuriated and feel like tearing the bastard in half! That would result me doing some reckless and impulsive choices though...

It's very good you're thinking of your safety as well in this. It's easy to let your feelings in control and forget the more rational side for a while.

Could you inform the police? I think the broken phone can serve as a proof if that's what the police need to get in action.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I've advised DOZENS of them!! And I doubt more than 2 or 3 actually heeded my advice!! Nearly EVERY ONE OF THEM is STILL with their abusive guy asking what she can do to get away from him or stop him! At this point, all I can say is, "Okay, suffer!"

Gloree · Answer

She should not have left her father's house to live with a man who has not married her. That's not how it is done. But if she wants to leave she should not tell the guy. Just disappear when he is out or something. Then report him to the police.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I would if she really wants to leave. Don't call me if they still want to stay call me when you need solutions

Anonymous · Answer

I definitely would help her. I would feel worse if my friend appears on tomorrow’s news as a domestic violence victim who has been murdered. If that flunked tries to hurt me or my friend, I got guns mf! I got friends bitch! Even if I don’t 😳…anyway, what matters is keeping your friend safe

AdmiralSirJohn · Answer

Call a guy friend. If I knew a woman who was in that sort of relationship, I'd call a few friends, we'd arm ourselves (no guns, but definitely potentially lethal implements) and tell the bully to stand aside or be pummeled to within an inch of his life.

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