The way you worded this is so open-ended and abstract, reading it I'm still puzzled as to how to answer it. But going back to our previous discussion...
People will connect, and form bonds, and over time trust is developed and strengthened. Just as new mothers are flooded with oxytocin, the bonding hormone, when breastfeeding etc., we all have this capacity, and chemical, in us to some degree. But there seems to be all these divides now - gender, sexual orientation, political affiliations, ageism, religions - and there always have been, right, but the internet seems to be enabling rampant, hugely destructive, tribalism. The algorithms serve up what people want, and believe already, not a truly random sampling of news, world events, facts. One might have thought, as I did, that the abundant communication platforms online would bridge the world, person by person (or at least increase the odds of happy, serendipitous interactions, which would/could broaden minds, and knowledge.) I owe my marriage today, to the internet. I didn't meet him on it, but indirectly it is responsible. (A story for another time.) Yet, what I now conclude is that people are people, and just because there are opportunities, does not mean most will reach out and take them. It requires not only motivation, but curiosity, and some of the perhaps more subtle soft skills of listening, patience, and open-mindedness. And, of course, it takes two to tango. If you get dead air on the other side, it's not your fault. Some other have so little interest in others, or are so self-involved, or so distracted.
What I see online is people addicted to catnip. We're not looking much more evolved past pigeons now (or rats or mice; you know the studies), to be honest. And how pathetic is that. It doesn't matter whether it's a dating app, a place to game with others, or a texting platform. People want the pellet, and they binge on quantity, over and over, to try to get their fill. You have to make the time, focus, be emotionally present not just physically, and actually give a shit about others (and to not overindulge.) And many just don't. Why are them on them? What is their driver and motivation? It seems, all too often, about self-expression, about casting a vote, about beating someone's ass, proving a point, and trying to shove 'truth' down someone's throat. Meanwhile, when people are out, around other people, what do they do? Go on their phones, do it some more. So happenstance just doesn't happen like it used to. There's no eyes to connect with. They're cast downward.
Okay, maybe that's a little too dark. But my point is that because of the nature, and quality, perhaps tone and timbre, of online communication, it seems to be bleeding over into in-person interactions as well. Within structure, there is a certain level of civility (whew.) At work, at class, at the store, maybe at the gym before or after work, society seems relatively stable, ordered. But allow more freedom, take away the structure, and sometimes you wonder if we're in a mosh pit or mud wrestling ring. Why are people so quick to go to their respective corners, and fling insults, and jabs, from afar (and sometimes get up in someone's face or assault them, just for existing in their space)?
Speaking of, my sweet and departed grandmother once said something to me. It was one and only time, after she met my husband for the first time. (She was unable to attend my wedding, and he did not make that trip to her town, until this day, years later.) She was a very shy and withdrawing woman (suffered with agoraphobia much of her later life), but wanted nothing more than to be visited, and feed you something comforting. Her capacity for love was never-ending. She was speaking, answering my questions about how she had been and whatnot, but we both noticed how much she averted her gaze. Yet my husband, who's a calm and quiet man himself, did not look bored, did not get out his phone, and sat patiently in her small kitchen, listening to whatever had to say, which honestly wasn't much of any significance (pretty much a run-down of who visited, and called, and when.) After a while she looks at me and says simply, "He has good contact." I smiled, chuckled a bit, even. I think so did he. I opted not to ask her to try to explain exactly what she meant by that. English was not her first language, and she always felt sheepish talking. But my husband and I have somewhat jokingly (but not mockingly) used that phrase a few times since. We might see two people talking on the TV (like in a dating situation, or an interviewer and interviewee) and we say, "[He/she] has good contact." She wouldn't have any idea her statement because a part of our marriage. Too bad I couldn't tell her now.
I am geared toward... contact. Even watching two people listening intently to one another, sometimes makes me feel good, calm, like 'Yes, this is how it's meant to be', in the most abstract or humanistic terms. I have no problem whatsoever finding, or feeling, connection with others. (My problem is not dropping the ball, not leaving people all around me feeling slighted for me not getting back to them. I'm overwhelmed with this, honestly. Maybe I have 'too good contact', lol.) For many, I think especially young and inexperienced-in-relationships, like the males who are now so far down that tunnel, or in a well, they see females as almost an alien species; or the young females who are turning lesbian, perhaps as a way to avoid the alien species they feel so disconnected from as well. It is true to some extent, if you keep reminding (training) your brain of differences, or frictions/problems, and you feed your fear and paranoia instead of engendering trust through slow exposure and interaction, soon enough the brain loses the more positive neural connections. They retract and cease to exist, from disuse.
Another issue is this all too common justification which I see from others, about having had one bad relationship experience, one person who broke their heart or obliterated their trust, and they have now vowed never to trust in another again. This is a self-fulfilling promise leading to intense loneliness. I think it also creates intense feelings of contempt for their fellow mankind. (Victim mentality, etc etc.)
Connections are not something we can manifest. They happen organically, most often. But making the choice to try is where it really begins. With every person we meet, we ask ourselves, "Is this person trustworthy? Will this person become a detriment or a benefit to my life? Will they betray me? Will they shatter my heart into a million or more pieces?" And on, and on... We should, we must, protect ourselves. And if a pattern of being abused, or unappreciated, or not respect, or neglected, appears over and over, then that is something to question, to investigate (and to stop from having again.) But sometimes it is of no fault of the person. I think we are all experiencing feelings of this, more and more. Fairweather friends are another pitfall. They appear fine enough, someone who's there when you are feeling good, someone to go do some activities with, have some fun with, but when the shit really hits the fan, are they really there? Do they catch you? Do they break your fall?
It seems it during the building of the relationship, whether romantic or platonic, there is a lot of interaction and much discussion for a wide variety of topics so that the individuals can get to know one another. Once that level or a plateau is reached where each individual knows the other is a positive in their life, contact often slows down. The relationship then seems to revolve around challenging times in each other’s lives, dispensing advice and consolation.
If it’s a romantic relationship that involves marriage or just a long-term relationship, it’s a little bit different since there is contact at all times of the day.
The struggles are daily and can often get complex when children or other family members are involved. This is where having time alone is really important. Just to connect and talk about whatever may be on your mind with your partner.
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The connection w someone i trust is a intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, havin fun together, surface level conversations, or even similarities. Instead, it feels like u're connecting on a deeper soul level, and feel secure connecting that deeply.. its also like bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people.. n emotional means to arouse strong feelings. The emotional feelings can arouse strong feelings too, such anger, sorrow, joy, love or any of thousands of emotions..
And how to maintain it? U shud know urself well first before u know ur partner deeply.. if u feel seen and heard by her, congrats.. it's a sign u're experiencing a deeper connection w herre-state://background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft
If I feel a connection with someone, I would definitely maintain it. I don’t trust people easily, but when I do, I would trust them with my life because I KNOW that they are a great person.
It is possible to drift apart, but you can always reconnect with them again. The trust wouldn’t go away just because you haven’t talked to them in a while. For example, I was preparing for a competitive exam until a few days before. I was extremely busy and exhausted. Could not come online for a couple of days. Heck, I couldn’t even get a proper good night’s sleep! But, we still made time for each other and talked.
You can always make time for someone you love or care about. It’s not possible always, sure, but you can at least try.
Personally, connection is important for me, be it romantic or platonic relationships. If I cannot emotionally connect with someone, I would get bored and hence, wouldn’t like conversing with them.
I think it's equally important to maintain the connection you have with someone AND to maintain your standard for how you feel connected. Don't compromise just for their benefit, but don't be selfish. And always be kind.
I try to maintain meaningful connections as much as I can. I would say it’s important to feel a connection because if there’s no connection then it’s meaningless.
The most important thing. The underpinnings of the relationship test upon that Foundation. That’s an excellent descriptor-breakdown.. “Can I borrow it”?
Listen don't ever comment on my questions again with your bitch ass you boring troll loser
Critically important.
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