How do I communicate that I don’t feel we are getting along as well as we used to without coming across as though I’m “whining”?

[ffionxjk]

So my boyfriend has recently been complaining that I whine and get upset a lot, which is true but it’s usually because I feel we aren’t getting along as well as we used to. Everytime I try to communicate this to him he says I’m whining, when really I just want him to hear me out so we can try to fix things and hopefully go back to how we were before. We had an argument earlier today and afterwards I sent him a message telling him how I feel but decided to delete afterwards because I was worried he would think I’m “whining” again. He’s asked me what I deleted but I don’t know how to tell him without him thinking I’m just complaining

[caring__1]

It appears you're focusing on your expectations of him and not looking at your role in the situation. Only focus on what is within your control... which means your behavior only. You repeat yourself because you don't feel you're being heard. Maybe his actions are saying he doesn't want to hear you in those areas, and he's not going to change for you. You can focus on what you can do to keep the relationship new and alive, but expecting him to do so is just stressing you out and leading you to feel frustration and disappointment. You're free to move on, if you don't like what you see, but never assume pressure, criticism, complaining, blaming or accusing will ever give you positive results.

[Losalt]

A start is to try to "take the blame" yourself.
People often get defensive otherwise.
So instead of saying I feel bad when you do this and that, as I'd that's their problem perhaps say that you doing this or that isn't wrong, but because of *my* insecurity I'd appreciate it if you could perhaps do this or that in a slightly different way, etc.
Get what I mean?
Also, it might help to repeat what you think they're saying so they can correct you when you understand them wrong and the other way around.
And practice letting each other finish speaking instead of interrupting.

[Losalt]

Thank you for the MHG. :-)

[Anonymous]

When you get together next (in person), sit him down and ask him how he feels the relationship is going. Then just explain like you have here that you don't feel things are going as well and that you simply want to TALK about it. I don't know what's making him automatically go to "whine", but if he does again, correct him and set him straight (may have to use a more "firm" tone of voice to get the message across? Not mad or starting a fight or anything, just letting him know that no, you're not "whinning", but concerned about the relationship. If he can't see that, then there's bigger problems, and maybe you two aren't right for each other?).

[RuthlessAggression]

what were you guys arguing about?

[ffionxjk]

He said he doesn’t like when I repeat things and I brought up something I’ve talked about many times with him

[RuthlessAggression]

Don't be his mother then

Sounds like he doesn't like when you nag him

If he's not doing what he needs to do, then he's got an attitude problem, and you need to rethink your relationship