Did you ever date someone with borderline personality disorder? How did it work out for you?

[Anonymous]

I just read that Pete Davidson has this and my new boyfriend has it too! So I’m wondering what to expect. It all seems quite negative on the internet…

[quaranta]

I did, twice, and had other 2 borderline friends whose I observed the relationships they got, because the way I am makes me a magnet for people with this disorder (for specific reasons).
Yes, what to expect is negative, but there might be chances that the diagnosis is wrong, or that it's very light and manageable with some effort. If it's full bpd, you have less chances to preserve your mental sanity.
Mind that bpd will never, ever, heal. You can see small relevant and especially stable improvements in a time span of 10 years, if the person is particularly intelligent and aware. So you have to take in account that the nature of the problems you'll have with him, will remain the same for all your relationship, even if he will look "changed" over and over, even believing in his change himself. This is a thing you really must stick in your head.
A bpd partner tends to give you all the responsibilities of their failures and fears, and as much you accept them (and absorb the guilt they throw at you), as much you get the role of the surrogate parent they look for, to drain it, like trying to get what was missing in the childhood but having never enough, and so, abusing over and over. If you don't accept the role and avoid the manipulation behind their unpredictable crisis, they reject you drastically and escape from the relationship. In a relationship with someone with bpd you are a caregiver, and won't (ever) receive back all the attention and effort back he is in debt with. Take in account that the relationship will be always unbalanced to your disadvantage.
Take also in account that the keyword is "unpredictability": you will never be able to find any logical pattern to give a sense to their random disproportionate reactions or even crisis invented upon completely random things inside their head only. But you will be always the one "at fault", called to do something about that, through manipulation and victimism. They will always make you feel "not enough", in the sense of not caring enough. The instability is also about their plans and perspectives, they can "become" anything new overnight, or get very convinced of another perspective of life, over and over, destroying the previous one, as long as they find something/someone to idealize.
For these reasons, people with bpd generally have very turbulent relationships and friendships, with push-pulls, and many, because breaking up many of them and needing a fast replacement.
I won't ever get into any relationship, not even close friendships, with any person with this disorder. I've been drained to the extremes.

[Asker]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I think I may be a magnet for this type of person too. I am very empathic and I have attracted a narcissist in the past so I do worry. I can also be codependent. May I ask how your two relationships ended?

[quaranta]

Yes, I'm going to type in private

[quaranta]

Contact me with no problems. But anyway, one ended in a very, very, turbulent way. No physical violence, but madness.

[Guy13]

I have relative whose spouse has that in their family line and until she died, it was horrible. Somewhere between borderline and bipolar all the time…. No Peace