Is it pointless to be in love with a married man?

[Anonymous]

So my friends with benefits is married and I can't help feel sad & resentment..😔

[Jacobbbb]

It's just too bad. He's married and has that someone already. Just forget about it and move on or continue to be fwbs but abandon the emotional attachment. It's pointless

[Losalt]

Love does work like that.
It's not about what there's a "point" in.

You get some happiness with him.
But you have to share him.

I don't suppose there's a chance of his wife being willing to share?

[Asker]

Of course not

[Losalt]

Pity...
At any rate you don't decide who you fall in love with.

[Asker]

? Wdym

[Losalt]

If it's any comfort, his love for his wife and his love for you isn't actually tied.
He can love you both equally much and as much as anyone can love anyone.

[Losalt]

You can't help loving him.

[Losalt]

It's not controlled by your consciousness.

[Asker]

There's no point if nothing can come out of that love though..

[Losalt]

The point is that you *do* love him.
That's a point in itself.
And if he loves you too then the two of you can have *some* happiness together.

But either you have to share him or force him to choose between the two of you, hurting him, her and probably leading to resentment...

[Losalt]

I know that it's not easy, but I've shared a girlfriend with another guy.
Her happiness mattered more to me then some pain on my part.

[Losalt]

@Asker
You're in a messed up situation and there's little that you can do about it.
I can't really do much about it.
But if you ever wish to have someone to talk with in the future when you're feeling bad I wouldn't mind listening without judging in direct messages.
Right now it's night, and bed time here.

[Losalt]

'Love doesn't

[Losalt]

@Asker
Thank you for the MHG, I hope that you're feeling a little bit better.
And like I said, don't hesitate with sending me a pm if you want to talk about it, blow some steam etc.

[ChooChooHaha]

Yes.
Run away.
It'll be bad. Whatever ends up happening between him and his wife, you can't be responsible.

[Asker]

Why? I actually would though. I'm the third person here

[ChooChooHaha]

Of course you'll feel sad and resentful, by the way.
If you knew from the start that he's married, would you have kept it going?

[Asker]

Well that's the thing. I did know , he said. But he was looking for an affair. We chatted but never ended up having sex. He just got some pics of me to get off from.. that's it. He prob wanted sex though. He said he wasn't getting enough with his wife

[ChooChooHaha]

Ok. ** nodds **
Then what's happened's happened. What can you do now about it?
You can still stop now. Be clear, be honest. And end it.

[Asker]

I knew him from the past. He was sleeping around before married. We did it once that time but I had to stop it cuz I'm like extremely in love with him. He's not even the the type to date a girl after he slept with.

[ChooChooHaha]

Ok. *nodds*
But you can still end it now.

[Asker]

Do u think it's so easy?

[ChooChooHaha]

Of course it's not easy.
But you have to, for you.

[darline19]

pointless, unless if you want to be his second wife.

[Asker]

I'm pretty sure that's not allowed

[darline19]

why not

[EmmaMary]

Totally pointless.

And as for the fucking lowlife cheating his wife whilst being with you... He needs locking away and throwing the key.

[Asker]

Never did. He didn't cheat

[EmmaMary]

Just how didn't he cheat? You categorically state he's a married man.

[Asker]

Yeah but he didn't actually go through with anything no action

[JosyJosy]

Well yes, he's taken. Either be the first to make him yours or not at all.

[Asker]

How can I make first

[JosyJosy]

You ask him out when he's single and if he says yes, you reel him in. Or don't and risk him being and eventually marrying another person.

[Asker]

He's not the type to go with the girl he slept with

[Losalt]

She essentially meant that you're too late I believe.
As in, you *should* have dated him prior to the marriage.
Or am I wrong?

[JosyJosy]

@Losalt YEP. It's too late for this man now. He's taken, waste of time. You were months, possibly YEARS too late. Married is married. Game over. So with the next guy... be early.

[Losalt]

It's not that simple...

[Asker]

Josy I wrote that he wouldn't date me anyway after sleeping with him. Did u get that part?

[JosyJosy]

As long as you get that it's pointless

[d3n0939]

I get you. But you shouldn't have involved in the first place. We can't force feelings. It happens by its own

[magiusX26]

sorry, not sorry but you bring this emotional anguish onto yourself by being with someone you already know is taken.

[Anonymous]

That's why he's a friend with benefits. I love doing this.

[bananathunder]

only pointless if you are expecting to be his number one... if it's just for the sex, then I think you are getting what you need regardless

[EaterPeter]

Yes, to pointless, not smart, doomed from beginning, welcome heart ache, welcome baggage

[LazerBean]

That's your own fault.

[Asker]

Why?