Is it wrong for best friends to be each other's "emotional fluffers"?

Question

If you have seen New Girl then you know the term 'emotional fluffer.' It really means that your relationship with your friend has all the benefits of a relationship besides sex. My best friend and I have hooked up before. We kept it a secret from our mutual friends because we didn't want to complicate or hurt anyone. We don't hu anymore but are still best friends so we do everything together. I don't have a problem with our relationship, but sometimes I have to remind myself that one day he might get into a relationship and this will change. Another weird part is that we both have been single since we have met 6 years ago.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Been there and doing that, and I'd say it's wrong to do. One of you is most likely wanting a full fledged relationship and the other is holding back, in my experience it boils down to insecurities. The person wanting more is essentially cucking themselves as they watch the other periodically date other people as they see themselves getting all but one very important aspect from the one holding out. This can be exceptionally painful for them, but they perceive it as the only way to keep this exceptionally important person in their life.

The one holding out may be doing so with the noblest of intentions, believing that going into a full fledged relationship will lead to a breakup and hurt the other, not realizing that their insecurity (believing any relationship they're in is inevitably doomed) is causing their friend pain.

In my situation we've used the term "emotional relationship" and they tell me they love me on a regular basis (despite my being in a relationship)... Our "emotional relationship" has spelled doom for every relationship we are in while we are in each other's proximity. We are both in this "we can't be in a happy relationship with someone else when we are near each other, and we are miserable apart" problem

dustybiker · Accepted Answer

I grew up with all male best friends. We know everything about each other, tell each other (almost everything since we each found our own SO’s) and we have never so much as cuddled. People either get separate gender friends as they have experienced it or they haven't and never will understand.

MikeInHawaii · Accepted Answer

An “emotional fluffed” is what I call a “girlfriend without benefits.” She’ll call me when she needs help moving or her car breaks down, even though she’s screwing every guy in town but me.

What some of their future boyfriends and husbands need to understand is I’m no threat. I’ve known them longer, I know some of the guys they’ve been “with,” sometimes even better than they do since they black out drunk, I’ve seen how they behave drunk and I wouldn’t want a relationship with them.

Gent207-2 · Accepted Answer

That's called Friends With Benefits

Fuck this generation for creating such lame slang including "softly quitting"

New word:

Emotional Pillow - an friends with benefits without sex just cuddling and a lot of emotional comforting.

Been there and done that twice

7Phoenix7 · Answer

I have a guy friend like that. He kind of volunteered himself by always asking me if I needed to talk. Somehow he can always tell when nobody else can that I am going through something. He comforts me, makes me laugh, all that good stuff. Sometimes I wonder why he doesn't want more.

TruthBringer · Answer

Thanks for proving my Take:

exitseven · Answer

I had somebody who really was my best friend at a time when I had a long distance relationship with somebody else. We had a lot of fun when we hung out together. We never had sex but we kissed a few times and sometimes we would hold hands at the movies. We could talk about anything and it was really a intimate relationship even though there was no sex.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Yes. I became such for a single friend of mine. Long story short, we engaged in an emotional affair.  Close friends, as in sharing emotions and feelings, between man and woman are impossible

Lillylux22 · Answer

Wrong? No, i wouldn't say flat out wrong. It could and probably will get messy. Good chance someone will get hurt. I personally dont think its a good idea

Anonymous · Answer

I used to have a relationship like this. He was gay tho and we never hooked up. I think it's fine but once either of us starting talking to someone our conversations were more about who we were dating.

Guy13 · Answer

As long as you two are not crowding out the boyfriends. Leave some connection for that relationship too.

nickaboy · Answer

From your explanation yes it is wrong. Its exactly why i asked the girl i wanna be with for space. Cause if you expect someone to act like your boyfriend you gotta make him your boyfriend.

If you don't you gotta leave eachother alone

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I think it can be problematic. It would bother me that someone I spent that much time with is just a friend.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Sounds like a terrible idea, but if no one is getting hurt, then I don't see anything wrong with it.

Light909090 · Answer

Time for you to seduce your friend into being your boyfriend best way to do that is by Getting him in your bed 🛏 and doing the Humpty Dumpty

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I don't think it's healthy. You're wasting emotional intimacy on someone that isn't going to be your life partner. You are doing the right thing, but with the wrong person.

Avicenna · Answer

It's dysfunctional. Be in a relationship if that's what you want

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Once again, this generation is so fucked up. You create most of your own problems.

Fuentes · Answer

I don't have any girl best friends that I guck because after sex I would get bored of them and block them after. So they could only remain regular friends in my eyes.

clampfan101 · Answer

With sex not being involved it doesn’t sound wrong. However I agree it sounds rather emotionally risky.

Lincoln33 · Answer

There is nothing wrong about that, it helps you in many implicit ways to get out of stress and excess thinking

Anonymous · Answer

Umm no…. you’re basically dating and friends with benefits. Even if sex isn’t involved.

Nikki1989 · Answer

There is nothing wrong with that.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

POV: you rent a girlfriend

Is it wrong for best friends to be each other's "emotional fluffers"?

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