Would you feel upset if your boyfriend promised you that he would go to a country with you next time and then he backed out later?

[xJayleenx]

My family last year forced me to go to their country and because I didn’t see my boyfriend for 20 days I was so miserable and sad I felt so alone especially on New Years because we have never even spent new years together. My eye also got really bad so I was hiding from people and I wasn’t enjoying the food I even got pretty sick because of the food for 3 days straight and it was a horrible time for me but my dad seems to want to force me to go again because he refuses to let me stay alone. My boyfriend promised that we would never go through that again and that he would go next time but now he’s telling me that he doesn’t know if he could go because he has to save money for a medical assisting course (3500 dollars) . Although I am glad that he’s taking a course, he made a promise to me and now I feel like he’s just like everybody else and that next time he makes a promise I won’t believe him. I even wondered if he’s backing out because we can’t have sex on the trip.

[ZackBan]

Going with your girlfriend's family on a trip outside the coutnry for new year's is the king of massive commitment that scares most people.

Because on that trip he will constantly have to be evaluated by all your relatives and any family member that doesn't like him.
Plus maybe he wants to spend the holidays with his own family as well.

He might have made you a promise which was a mistake on his part but you should also understand that for him a trip like this is easier said than done.

[xJayleenx]

He doesn’t suffer from anxiety like me and besides he’ll live the beaches there he loves beaches. We’ve never even been to a beach together despite us being together for over two years

[ZackBan]

I seem to remember the country in question is Puerto Rico which is easily a beautiful place to see.

But maybe he wants to take a trip with just you, go on a beach and enjoy eachother without a massive family getting in the way.

You said "maybe because you won't be able to have sex" I say it's a little bit more global than that. He wants to be openly intimate with you and knows it's not possible.

Trust me you're better off letting him stay without making it a fight, he's doing you a favor because it won't be as fun as you think it will

[Jamie05rhs]

This is a really tough question.

I definitely understand how you feel. The money issue seems to be a legitimate one. Though I'm not sure how much blame he legitimately deserves. Because maybe he didn't know how much his class was going to cost. I don't know; it's complicated.

How much does he need to make the trip to the Dominican Republic?

[xJayleenx]

Im not sure

[VIVANT]

Can you hang out with him while your parents are away?

[Jamie05rhs]

@xJayleenx Can you find out?

Also, I think @VIVANT's idea might be worth a shot.

[VIVANT]

@xjayleenx

Inquiring minds wanna know! 😄

[xJayleenx]

@VIVANT I think I’m going to find a way to just stay here and work. In Dr I don’t think we’ll have any alone time but if I stay here I could still go to his house

[VIVANT]

Bit if your parents won’t let you can you stay with him?

Was dr supposed to be PR?

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT I'm pretty sure she's Dominican.

[Jamie05rhs]

@xJayleenx I would like to challenge you on something, respectfully, as a friend.

Is it really absolutely necessary to have "alone time" with your boyfriend while you're on vacation?
Can't you just experience the beauty of the island and enjoy your time together? Even if it's with your family?

As a matter of fact, wouldn't it be a GOOD thing having him meet your family? If you do indeed believe that he's The One, and this is the person that you want to spend your life with and have babies with (eventually).

And I know this issue has been brought up previously about whether your relationship consists of just sex and nothing else. You said that it doesn't. You said it's more than that.

[Jamie05rhs]

I mean, you seemed so distressed about being away from him for so long? Why does it matter if you have sex or not? If the alternative is him staying at home and you not being able to see each other At All?

[xJayleenx]

I just thought that she was asking about alone time. As long as I’m with him it’s okay I don’t know if he feels the same though. The dude won’t even post me on his social media even when I ask.

[VIVANT]

No I meant can you stay at his home or go on a trip with him instead of going with your genius since you were so miserable and they won’t jet you stay home at the house- make a different plan?

[xJayleenx]

@VIVANT they won’t let me make a trip with him unless im married and I also have to take care of my animals also known as my babies

[VIVANT]

Are they taking the animals? Yo didn’t mention that so yeah you gotta go. But your new adult if you want to take a trip I didn’t understand how they can stop you. Is it bc you need to live there for now bc of finances?

[Jamie05rhs]

@xJayleenx Wow. That doesn't make any sense at all. Parents are weird. You're already having sex, and they KNOW you're having sex... I don't see why they wouldn't allow you to take a trip alone with him if the deed has already been done. What are they trying to avoid? Lol

[xJayleenx]

My mom seems to care about my reputation no one really likes me so I don’t know why it matters. And they want to leave my animals with my step cousin but I don’t trust her I only trust myself and my boyfriend with the animals.

[xJayleenx]

So I would like to stay taking care of the animals and working because they can’t take the animals with them and my boyfriend can’t take care of them anymore

[Jamie05rhs]

@xJayleenx There's no need to uphold a fake reputation. That's just silly. She needs to get over it and accept reality. (Sorry!)

[VIVANT]

Jay can you stay with your cousins?

[xJayleenx]

@VIVANT I’d rather stay at home I ain’t close to them 😂

[VIVANT]

I understand lol I’m just thinking of a back up plan 😯 😯😯😅

[DaveJord]

I mean you have to put everything in context... unless you are paying for his tickets, room and board... then yeah it is not really right of you to expect him to have to go. The real issue here for me is that you are 21 years old, how is your dad forcing you to go somewhere you do not want to go?

I mean that's a issue for me, as a boyfriend honestly. If your dad has that type of control over you at 21 years old? Are you not going to school or have a job? Because if you are 21 living at home and daddy is paying for everything and you don't have your own job, then you sound a little spoiled to me and you should not expect other people like your boyfriend to cater to you on that level.

[KrakenAttackin]

@DaveJord. You beat me too it.

[xJayleenx]

I’m in college and I was working until recently but now I am looking for a new job.

[DaveJord]

@KrakenAttackin IKR

[DaveJord]

@xjayleenx then go easy on your boy, or get daddy to cover the cost. Let that man get his education, first before putting demands on him like this.

[Guardian45]

There are a number of thorny issues here:

(1) Do you WANT to go your parent's home country? It sounds to me like you don't. You didn't feel well, and you didn't enjoy it.

(2) Are your parents attempting to prevent you from having sex with your boyfriend? It sounds like your Dad either doesn't know or doesn't want you that you have sex with your boyfriend.

(3) Are you REALLY worried that your relationship is faltering? Is he REALLY losing interest or can he just NOT afford the trip?

There are solutions, but first you have to figure out what needs fixing.

[xJayleenx]

If you’re quiet sad and crying next to a guy and instead of comforting you he just stays silent because you’re not telling him what’s wrong does that mean that he doesn’t love you?

[Guardian45]

Okay. Being quiet and sad is okay, but if he asks what's wrong you MUST tell him! The NUMBER ONE reason relationships fail is because of POOR communication!

[Guardian45]

Tell him how you feel and why you feel it!

[xJayleenx]

Im just sad because I feel like he doesn’t love me but im afraid that if i tell him this he’ll get mad

[Guardian45]

If you DON'T talk to him, it will make things. Communication MUST BE open, honest and forthright without fear of reprisal. Fear is the MINDKILLER!

[Guardian45]

Worse***

[xJayleenx]

I don’t understand why he’s acting so angry instead of comforting me. Sometimes when im sad and super tired I just don’t feel like talking

[Guardian45]

Talk to him openly without anger

[Blackcupcake]

I think you are being selfish right now… circumstances change, and if he NEEDS to save the money for his education then are you really expecting him to throw that in the trash and spend money he might not have on a trip?


also, he gave you a reason, and a valid one as well, as to why he can’t go on this trip, so why are you making up your own reasons in your head?

[xJayleenx]

If you make a promise to your SO is it okay to break it?

[Blackcupcake]

it’s not as simple as that, and life is not all black and white. there should be understanding for changed circumstances. it’s not like he is breaking your promise because he’d rather be home and party with his friends is it? because that’s very different than him needing to save up money for his education.

[xJayleenx]

So I should just let him know that it’s okay for him to break promises?

[Blackcupcake]

well if you take things THAT literal, then you can go ahead and do as wish, but to maintain a healthy relationship, you have to have understandment for your partner’s situation. just like I assume you would want him to be understanding of you when you’re struggling with something.

or you know what? how about you pay for that course he’s trying to save up for and then he won’t have a reason to not go on the trip, right? that sounds like a great compromise and I’m sure that would make both parties happy. you would have him come along, and he gets to study his course. that’s an absolute win win

[xJayleenx]

I’ll try to stay here and work it would be nice to have a choice for once.

[xJayleenx]

He has more money than me in his bank account he has more than 9000

[xJayleenx]

I think he could afford to go to both and he’s working right now too and doing deliveries

[SoftCliff]

Um but you're an adult. 21 years old. They can't force you to go somewhere you don't want to. Tell them you won't come with them and that you're gonna stay home.

As for your boyfriend, talk to him communicate your feelings and tell him how you feel. Traveling to a foreign country can be expensive, so maybe he hasn't calculated and thought out the cost? Sometimes shit happens, that's life

[DizzyDesii]

I dont care if its another country or another state, etc. I dont like being stood up. Your boyfriend has a good excuse though so I would prob let that slide. But if he’s brushed promises off multiple times before then he’d be out the door

[xJayleenx]

I can’t even remember if he has broken promises before but this is his first that I can recall

[DizzyDesii]

If he didn't buy his ticket when you guys bought yours then that in itself shows he had no intentions to go

[xJayleenx]

My dad hasn’t even bought tickets now. Last year he said that he couldn’t go because of his parents and wow what a surprise this year another excuse

[DizzyDesii]

Now you just said he never did this before but now you just said he did this before. I think its time to self reflect and really think on this relationship. You dont want him thinking you’re too clingy but you also need aguy whose not gonna stand you up

[xJayleenx]

He didn’t go last year but this is the first time that he has promised to go some where and not gone but last year he didn’t promise anything.

[DizzyDesii]

But its the excuses. If it happens a third time, i’d drop him

[xJayleenx]

I guess he only wants to go to a foreign country with me alone I’m not entirely sure how he feels but I feel pretty sad about it and let down I texted him how I felt

[DizzyDesii]

I honestly dont blame him for not wanting to go with your fam. I disliked my exes fam and even if i liked em, i dont want trips with family/friends. I wanted trips either solo or with him

[xJayleenx]

He has never met my gandfather. There is a language barrier between him and my family but I’ll be there

[DizzyDesii]

My ex got mad i wouldn't go to Cuba with him and his family. I never promised to and i never intended to go. I really disliked his family. Anyways, he came back from the trip hardly wanting to be with me anymore. Oh well his loss

[xJayleenx]

Cuba is beautiful. I’m more sad and let down that he actually promised to go next time and now is backing out. It hurts more that I don’t have any true friends to me he’s my only true friend and now I see him breaking promises.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea I've been in that boat. I cut off toxic flakey friends and flakey bfs. All you can do is give him one more chance but if he does it again you need to cut him off because it often seems you like him more than he likes you. But i also think he prob considers you clingy

[xJayleenx]

He acts clingy around me too. I don’t go to his family trips because im not allowed to because of my parents but I've never promised to go to one knowing that I can’t until I’m married

[DizzyDesii]

Do his parents not like you?

[xJayleenx]

They do his mom has told me several times “thanks for making my son happy” and she has given me kisses on the cheek. His dad is always friendly I also give them gifts from time to time

[DizzyDesii]

So why would his fam stop you from going on trips

[xJayleenx]

My family is the one not allowing me his family tried to get me to come

[xJayleenx]

My family’s strict

[DizzyDesii]

Then of course he wouldn't enjoy going a trip with your fam just like i didn't wanna go with his fam to Cuba

[xJayleenx]

I’d rather have him tell me that. But knowing him he loves beaches but is a picky eater

[DizzyDesii]

Now you're making excuses for him. You love him so nothing we tell you on this post is really going to get through to you

[Sparkie460]

After reading all the other comments I think your boyfriend doesn't want to go with you because of the language barrier with your family. I think he promised that he would go to make you happy.
Why won't your parents leave you alone instead of forcing you to go? You are a legal adult.

[TallAnon]

No sex on the trip D: That sounds like a horrible trip tbh 😂

But anyway, it depends how much it costs etc. Everyone can easily say something, but life gets in the way and apparently, spending time with you isn't as much as a priority to him at the moment. Either not realizing how upset it makes you, costing him too much or just not feeling like it.

How you feel about that situation is up to you, just remember that you feel what you feel and it's a valid feeling.

[VIVANT]

Can you stay with your boyfriend while your family goes. Your boyfriend should offer that as a solution to him not going with you and you not being able to stay home.

[VIVANT]

I meant don’t go on vacation with family stay with your bfs family or you two go somewhere else? Every tine I have been forced I hated it bc I was forced and it’s time I can’t get back. Life is really short it doesn’t feel that way at 5 20 15 20 but then you realize years slip by and it’s important to live as if it’s your life and as if what you want and what you are trying to accomplish MATTER

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT But family is also important.

[Jamie05rhs]

But I still agree with you in general, though.

[VIVANT]

@Jamie05rhs yeah but she was miserable and they are being unreasonable in my opinion kicking her out for where she lives. Its a bit triggering for me I suppose lol

But she always seems to be under someone else’s rule I think switching it up entirely should be healthy

[Iron_Man]

I would be extremely upset because that means I would have bought an airplane ticket in advance for my former girlfriend then if she backed out of going to Europe that would be horrible but of course she didn’t do that. But still I would be upset anyway if she didn’t make it because we had such long awaiting plans

[Googlemyahoo]

You’re an adult aren’t you? Start acting like one.

[xJayleenx]

What do you mean by this? Do you mean not to go? My plan was to find a job in person and use that as an excuse

[Googlemyahoo]

Why do you need an excuse. You are an adult. Make your own decisions. No I’m not going. Have fun Dad. Stay with boyfriend. Simple.

[xJayleenx]

But he’s going to buy the ticket regardless. You don’t know what being a latina with strict parents is like lol

[xJayleenx]

My best bet is finding a job and using it as an excuse

[Googlemyahoo]

You still live with them I take it? Move out? Cut the umbilical

[Googlemyahoo]

You could always visit Texas or Florida they’ll provide you with a free trip to Washington or Marthas Vineyard 😁

[Still-alive]

Did he give a time frame for how long he will save up for the course?

[xJayleenx]

He told me that he’s going to start after his trip to Orlando

[Still-alive]

And When is that?

Also has he saved much currently for it?

[xJayleenx]

I’m trying to figure out how much it is basically he’s going with his brother and his brother’s wife to Orlando and he’s going to universal alone

[Still-alive]

Right so when will that trip happen?

[xJayleenx]

Probably around December as well

[xJayleenx]

I really don’t want to go. But he promised that he actually would go this time so now I’m doubting his promises about marriage etc. Because now he has proved to me that he’s like everyone else

[Still-alive]

Is your family gonna force you to go with them again this new years?

[xJayleenx]

Besides if he loved me why wouldn’t he try to spend more time with me even if it means going there?

[xJayleenx]

Yes it seems like they’ll force me this is nasty but I had bad food and had diarrhea for 3 days straight for the first time and my grandma continued to order that food and I had a really bad infected inner corner of my eye it was just a horrible trip. Everytime that I travel against mg will something bad happens to me last time i broke out all over in hives when I went to New York without wanting to. But my dad says that he refuses to leave me home alone

[Still-alive]

Ok well that was naive of him to promise that from the beginning. He probably should have been up front with you about his school plans and that would come first for him.

So yeah its crappy he can't keep his promise now. However I would say to not get too upset with him because this is his future and he's gonna be spending this future with you someday. A lot of people can't keep some promises but its because we as humans suck at predicting the future. Circumstances change things. in my opinion you should be more concerned if he at least makes an effort to keep his promises even if he ends up breaking a couple. Has he made promises before this? And has he always kept those?

[xJayleenx]

He promised to marry me when we’re economically stable but only time will tell if that’s true. Also when I couldn’t drive he took me to work everyday even when he ad to wake up at 5-6am

[Still-alive]

Well he's been good at keeping them so far up til now right? So what if he can't keep one. It doesn’t mean he won't try to keep more in the future. Id say be cool for now but if he does actually break more promises in the future you can then call him out on that

[xJayleenx]

I don’t think that he’s made many promises

[Still-alive]

Ill tell what i see happening here if you were to confront him about this is he will tell you that this is his future and that going on your trip with you is too much of a commitment for both money and time while he saves for this class. I just dont see it ending well for you if you bring this up to him. Just put it in your mind for now and if he breaks any more promises in the future you then can go ahead and confront him on this and others he hasn't kept.

[cloud9vortex1234]

His education should come first. He will still have that even if the 2 of you are no longer a couple. It would be different if you could pay for his ticket. He could then keep that promise if he's sincere.

[jjj101010]

You shouldn’t be forced to go somewhere. That’s kidnapping!

why can’t u have sex?

[xJayleenx]

Because it’s a family trip

[xJayleenx]

My dad won’t let me stay home alone

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Guys shouldn't make promises they can keep is how I see things

[pizzalovershouse]

Only reason to back out is cuz so sick with flu or any medical problems other wise it means they never wanted to go but just said it to keep you happy an no arguing

[pizzalovershouse]

An sorry to hear um here to chat with people I follow or those who follow m n my post or in private what ever makes them feel comfortable

[Nikki1989]

Yes, that would be disappointing.

[Agape93]

A bit but it's fine, I'll have fun regardless

[Debbie14217]

not happy.. ugh

[Zolly99999]

Yes.. I hate when people break promises

[saffoler]

Definitely.