Is it a good idea to confess to your partner that you cheated or keep it to yourself?

[coachTanthony]

Always Confess

Never say anything

see poll ( I would never cheat on you Coach T )

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

How about people just don't cheat and then there's nothing to confess🤷🏼‍♀️ seems pretty simple to me... And if they can't, how about just don't get into a long term, committed, monogamous relationship, simple🤷🏼‍♀️

[coachTanthony]

How about you answer the question little missy Ha Ha Ha

[77five]

I say that all the time. Have spoken to serial cheaters who know they’ll always cheat. They still want monogamous relationships and this one dude had a fiancé he wanted to marry. Even though he knew he’d still cheat.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@77five yeah prolly like that should just stay single to mingle...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@77five *people

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@coachTanthony I did 😜 don't confess, just also don't do anything you have to "confess to"

[Guardian45]

As usual, Well-said, BBB!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Guardian45 thanks

[KelleyNice]

Natural selection is going to require people to cheat because it maximizes their genes. For men, it results in more babies. For women, it produces superior children which increased their odds of survival. Women marry equals but they can cheat with superior males.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@KelleyNice that's nothing but a bullshit excuse people use.

[coachTanthony]

Bahahahaha

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@coachTanthony right! 🤣 Whatever people smoking, I need some of that🤣🤣

[77five]

@KelleyNice then why doesn't everyone just go poly or just plan procreation without relationships? Its the lying, betrayal and dishonesty thats the problem. If you wanna fuck 500 people, say so and I won't bother with you. Simple.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@77fiveexactly!
@kelleynice And also doesn't explain why women get abortions and men try to get the women to get abortions or try to walk away from it if they REALLY cheating for procreation or to spread their seed🤷🏼‍♀️
Because that's a crock🤣

[KelleyNice]

@77five Our ancestors are men in the Stone Age, men that impregnated the most women and thereby maximized their genes, and women that did not select the best available genes for their eggs when the risk of discovery was low are not our ancestors. Modern times or even our recorded history (perhaps the last 5,000 years) is just a flash in the pan compared to our Stone Age evolutionary history so we still have our Stone Age brains. At best, the conscious decisions people make in modern times only slightly offsets their subconscious impulses. People, in fact all species, inherit the behavior of their successful ancestors.

[77five]

@KelleyNice Im convinced you're a robot. didn't address anything I said

[red324]

That makes things too simple and yes I agree. Honestly if the deed has been done already then you might as well just keep your mouth shut. I know a guy that came clean with his wife and he technically didn't cheat, just some exhanged some pics and his wife keeps hanging it over his head.

[Haha456]

90% of the time, people cheat when they aren't fulfilled by their relationship. It happens when the person they are with isn't pulling their own weight in the relationship or they are married to the wrong person who can't fulfill them. It is a combination of being unfulfilled / lack of morals.

[KelleyNice]

@77five I can't help you, if you disregard the truth. If you want to understand cheating from the perceptive of human females, watch the birds.

[Haha456]

@KelleyNice

If the truth offends you, then it is not my fault.

[Haha456]

@KelleyNice

I understand why I might piss people off. Because one thing about human nature is that people aren't interested in hearing the truth. They believe in what makes them feel good.

They refuse to try to understand the reason behind cheating. I'm a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Haha456 you're not understanding, you're trying to justify, make excuses... There's a lot of people in bad relationships that don't/wouldn't Cheat, they just get out of those bad relationships🤷🏼‍♀️

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Haha456 oh but make up your mind. Thought cheating happened because of natural selection🤷🏼‍♀️
And no shit things happen for a reason, most times the train being they POS,'s.. not everyone in life is honest and good people...

[Haha456]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

Im not trying to justify cheating. But everything happens for a reason. There was a reason why he cheated.

[Haha456]

Many people like to assume that just cuz they never caught their partners cheating then it must mean they never cheated. This is far from the truth. I've had plenty of men with gfs and kids who thought i was hot and pursued me relentlessly. I've had married men develop crushes on me. I've seen coworkers chase girls prettier than their own gfs. Just cuz you never caught your man cheating on you, it doesn't mean he's not cheating or that he doesn't want to

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Haha456 my husband passed away almost 9 years ago but I can absolutely guarantee he NEVER cheated on me..
And yeah there's a reason, cuz there's dishonest people out there, but that don't apply to ALL. There is some people, both men and women who wouldn't/don't cheat..
And when some do, it's not because of natural selection as you originally stated

[Haha456]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

You dont think its common simply because youve just never seen it with your own eyes. Trust me, I've seen it all. Most cheaters get away with it.

[Haha456]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

there's no real way you would know for sure your dead husband never cheated on you. I've seen guys cheat without ever exchanging numbers with a girl.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Haha456 yes I would know. And where did I say it doesn't happen? Oh wait, I didn't say that... Oh I know people cheat, both men and women.. I recall saying it wasn't for the reason you stated,🤷🏼‍♀️
But don't try to make my husband a cheater to prove a point... That's very disrespectful

[KelleyNice]

@Haha456 You are right about that. Most everything does happen for a reason.

[Haha456]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

one piece of advice that a successful married couple gave me was :

there is really no way you can ensure 100% fidelity in a marriage unless you follow your husband around everywhere he goes 24/7. What you can do is to control how you react / respond when you find out that he does cheat on you.

From my experience, I believe that most cheaters end up getting away with cheating especially if it is not classified as chronic cheating. I have also seen some crazy amazing actors amongst cheating husbands where they would be soo smooth talking into persuading their wives to make her feel so loved and treasured and valued. Only to cheat whenever her back is turned.

[red324]

@Haha456 She was happily married and her husband passed away. Quit making her doubt their relationship. She doesn't need tips on how to make a relationship work because it was working out just fine.

[Haha456]

Trust is a crucial part of every relationship. The only problem is when you trust the wrong person. But just you trust your spouse, it does not necessarily mean he won't cheat on you.

At my prior job, there was a guy who had a huge lust for me since the first day I entered the job. He was very mad when I left for a few months cuz he didn't get to see me. Even though he was in a committed relationship with his girlfriend and had a kid, he pursued me relentlessly. He even hinted at sex. I was never interested in him. But apparently from what I've heard from other coworkers, his girlfriend is a nice lady who trusts him a lot and she is very satisfied with her life with him. She was a stay home mother.

[Haha456]

He never asked for my phone number. He just wanted to have sex with me cuz he thought I was gorgeous. Many people think that looking through a phone is the best way to find out if your man is cheating. But trust me, unless you follow him everywhere , you can't ever be 100% sure that he's not cheating on you.

[Haha456]

@red324

I'm not here to provide therapy. I'm here to tell you what the reality is.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Haha456 who asked you for therapy🤣🤣
This question wasn't about if people cheat, or even WHY, it was about if once they do, should they confess.
Why you jumped on my thread🤷🏼‍♀️
But, nowhere did I say people don't cheat, I said they SHOULDN'T, if they don't want to have to confess to anything. There, simplified it for you 🙂

[Haha456]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

you can't just force people to not cheat. You also can't just say that if you're gonna cheat, then don't get into a relationship. Because people want to be happy in life, which is why they want to get into relationships. But when they do get into a relationship, they find themselves stuck in a sticky situation where they know they love their partners but they're also unfulfilled at the same time. They're not willing to leave because they love their partners but yet there's something missing in their lives.

As you can see, humans are very complex. It's not just a black and white "don't get into a relationship if you want to cheat". People don't get into relationships thinking that they will find another girlfriend the next day. Many of them never even expected to cheat.

90% of the time, cheaters are in dysfunctional relationships, or they are with someone who isn't right for them.

[Haha456]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

here's just a warning about me. I tend to speak the truth. I dont sugar coat things or add white lies. So you find me offensive, understand that its not me that is offensive. Its the truth that is offensive

[Haha456]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

But that being said, I'm not saying all cheaters are from unfulfilling relationships. There are some people who are in decent relationships but may cheat due to lack of self esteem, maybe monogamy simply isn't part of their personality, maybe they come from a culture where womanizing is acceptable. But these make up the minority of cheater population out there.

[Rania05]

Small possibility it could happen but if I did cheat I would kneel directly over it, the moment to realize how despicable I was being with with it, separating is for sure because I would be hurting him each time he see me he would remember it, and I would be drowning in guilty if we stay in the relationship even if I quit the cheating.
I don't accept a cheating partner neither would I accept myself turning into a cheater, whether it's for religion, familial reasons, girlish heart for untainted love and my own decent emotional maturity.
But if I was taken advantage of, like molested, flirted with or raped, I would be telling him on the first two but the latter is police call then him.

[Rania05]

Oh, and inform my family too

[RangerBlue22]

“Confessing” a transgression like cheating may come off as noble but it actually can be extremely selfish. The person just doesn’t want to feel guilty anymore vs. not thinking how much revelation might destroy the other person. Before saying anything put yourself in the other person’s position.

However if someone asks straight out then you better confess. When you confess take FULL ownership for your bullshit. Don’t make up excuses for your bullshit. Don’t blame the other person for their shortcomings (unless they cheated too). Don’t do any mental gymnastics or gaslighting bs. Just own up to what you did.

[OlderAndWiser]

It's a better idea to not cheat. If you don't want to be faithful to your partner, just break up and THEN go screw half of the population!

[alicebrownie]

I'll speak from my own experience. I cheated when I was in my last relationship. I expect judgment from posting this out here and I'm not proud of myself. We were very bad for one another, always arguing and just overall toxic. Despite this, I of course still regret cheating and wished I'd broken it off to begin with. I confessed for both of our sakes, his because even though he was a bad boyfriend, he deserved the truth. It was the right thing to do. and mine because guilt ate me inside and out. I couldn't bear with myself. I found that for me to even think about forgiving myself, I had to confess that was my first step.

We ended up working through it because he appreciated my honesty. (but then ended up breaking up a year later for different reasons) point is, if you confess. there is a possibility, may it be slim or thick I can't say. You can work it out if you both have the will to stay. In my opinion I say you tell him.

[laurieluvsit]

If you are going to continue that behavior, or you have done it more than once, then admit it so your partner can decide if it is worth staying with you, or not.

If it was a one-off, then leave it be, move on and straighten up your act.

[annabananna]

That’s what I was gonna say.

[laurieluvsit]

@annabananna
Great minds think alike :)

[Bricealan]

Exactly what I said, One Time, keep your mouth shut, and Don't do it again.

[GreatnessBack]

The real question to ask is why you cheated?

Was it a one time irresistible thing? Then, is your relationship so weak, you can hurt your partner no problem?

Was it that you felt comfort in someone else? Then, your relationship is either not going well, or needs to be ended.

Either way, it's never a good reason or a good outcome.

Tell them.

[BlueScorpio]

Or just stay single and you won't have to worry about confessing you cheated. But sooner or later there's a chance the truth might come out, it would suck for them to find out before you tell them.

[Guanfei]

Always confess, and then leave. Even if the other doesn't want to. Because if you act like a piece of shit, you deserve no forgiveness.

So confess and fuck off, give your partner a chance to find someone who will have the most basic respect.

[Haha456]

if he or she confessed to you, it means they are ok with the possibility of breaking up with you. it means they do not value the relationship enough to care whether or not you will dump them after cheating.

[red324]

I'm sure it happens a lot. Lots of people will be with someone because it's better than being single and lonely

[Haha456]

@red324

reality is, most cheaters get away with cheating. just because you don't know your partner is cheating, it does not mean he is not cheating. I have come accross many guys at my job who hit on hot girls while clearly having a devoted girlfriend and a kid.

[red324]

I think guys do that to always have one in the bag in case he gets dumped. Guys can't typically pickup a new girl a week later like girls can.

[red324]

It's not hard I've never tried. All they have to do is visit a massage parlor in a town fairly far away and a guy can get laid.

[Sour-rose]

Confess. I know, you don't wanna. But trying to keep a lie or secret will you eat you alive. You can probably not let it ruin your life but not sayin' anything but your dreams won't be so kind. :)

[Cecinene]

Because when you say it out you tend to see yourself free from some tension that he will find out that you are cheating on him.

Besides I have never cheated on my bestie even if we are not in a relationship.

[urbansunset33]

KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. I have felt guilty but from the advice of wise lives friends and family, they all agree to keep it a secret. My husband found out about only a week worth of texting and it really messed up our relationship. He doesn’t know the past year of my relationship and he doesn’t need to. Do NOT confess unless you’re ready to live months or years of hell. Your guilt is yours to bear. Not your partners.

[msc545]

Wow. I hope he leaves you! You deserve it.

[urbansunset33]

@msc545 thanks hun

[Topaz1979]

Always confess If i cheated on my partner I would tell him because I want him to know the truth such a thing is not meant to be a secret. and if he dumps me for it I would understand because I definitely would have deserved it and he obviously deserves a better woman who won't cheat!.

[Lowiu]

Always confess like if there is anything to salvage only if he confesses like then its only the cheating else its the cheating and the cover up and in some cases the cover up is worse than the cheating

[NotTacocaT6969]

If you don’t confess, the guilt will likely fester into mental illness.


Assuming there is guilt.


If there is no guilt, the relationship should end,

[AviatorTom]

Good question. If it was a one-time thing and you're sure it will never happen again, and it's unlikely your SO will find out about it, keep it to yourself. However, if you think you might be tempted again, or you feel really guilty about what you did, confess to your SO.

In most situations, confessing is the better thing to do.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

Just confess and break off the relationship, if you cheated, it's probably going to die anyways now. I know if I cheated the gulit would probably eat me alive but I'm not sure what I'd do.

[KelleyNice]

Not unless you are caught because your partner doesn't need to know so confessing is harmful to your relationship. For most men, it is just sex and no big deal.

[Guardian45]

Hmm. While your advice is practical, it sows the seeds of doubt and guilt.

[KelleyNice]

@Guardian45 Perhaps, I really don't know.

[melanieeeB]

If you cheat, at least have the balls to stand up for your mistake and let your partner know what a coward you are

[misfittoy]

confess, clear the air. take whatever comes along with it, but in the end being honest is best.

[Bricealan]

If it was something that was a 'one time' affair, why tell her and heap that kind of feeling on her to simply alleviate your guilt? Keep your mouth shut, and don't hurt her, and Don't do it again!

[coachTanthony]

If your girl had some nasty dick in her wouldn't you want to know so you could go get checked out?

[burlen]

If only the benefit of the outcome of the confession outweighs its demerit.

[humanearth]

Never say shit, because once you open your mouth and admit to it.

The relationship is over and it starts to go downhill from then on