I think it’s a pretty good way to “test-run” the relationship before even considering marriage. But then again, how soon is too soon to live together?
Also, how long do you think you’ll need to be living together before you consider it as a good enough indicator that you can tolerate each other?
This is an extremely complicated and difficult question. I think it's definitely a good discussion to have, though; and I think it is absolutely vital for two people to talk about this if they are dating each other or considering dating.
Not everyone will feel the same way, and that is okay. Personally, these are my thoughts on the subject:
I do not think that people should completely live together before getting married, because I don't think that you should go through the hassle of completely integrating your life with someone until the deal is sealed and your relationship is permanent.
I also don't think people should sleep in such close proximity to each other, because they may be tempted to do sexual things.
HOWEVER,
I DO think there is value in testing out a domestic living arrangement, so that you can try to see how well you will get along together. And you can discover and learn the other person's habits and idiosyncrasies. And if there are any areas of conflict, you can talk about them and try to find ways to resolve the issue so that both parties are happy. (And, obviously, if you can't come to a resolution, then you can call off the wedding and go your separate ways amicably.)
For me PERSONALLY, I would want to remain living in our own separate residences throughout the engagement. And we would be SLEEPING there. At our own places, respectively. But in the DAYTIME, we would come together and spend the day together in the same building. That way we could get used to how it would actually feel like sharing a space together. And how that would work out respecting each other's personal space and personal time. And also seeing how we would work together on business matters, in person, face to face.
I think this is a prudent thing to do.
This meeting together in the same building would happen once we get engaged. Not that it would necessarily be wrong to try it out sooner; but it just wouldn't be relevant yet at that point, in my opinion. But, then again, I could be wrong, and maybe it would be helpful to try it out once or twice before even getting engaged. I don't know. I will keep an open mind on that.
Also, I don't think you necessarily need to be together every day. You can take some breaks. And even from the beginning, you could phase in gradually. Like, 1 day one month, 2 days the next month, 3 days the next, then one day a week, then 2 days a week, then 3, then 4, then 5, etc.
CAVEAT: One very important thing that each party needs to take into consideration is Situational Awareness. AKA Context. REMEMBER that you're still not having sex yet. So you have the responsibilities of domestic partnership without the rewards. So, in other words, do not panic and do not distress! If you're getting annoyed by your partner and you can't stand them, just remember that a lot of that tension will be alleviated in the future when you have the opportunity to remedy it with some good fucking. 😃
(Now, having said that, if you REALLY can't stand them, then that would be a different story. And in that case you should break up.)
Chances are you'll get a lot of judgmental comments from people who feel everyone should feel as they do and do what they do. Unfortunately, there is no formula to determine living together compatibility. When you're dating, it's easy to be on your best behavior, even when you spend a night, weekend or vacation together. Just knowing an end is in sight, people can keep their behavior under control. When there is no end (ie after marriage), it's more common to see people removing their masks and expecting the other to accept them as they are. It's very easy to become bitter and resentful when you're confronted with this type of bait and switch.
The longer you live together, the harder it is to maintain a facade, though some people can hold out longer than others. From what I've seen, most people can't maintain a facade beyond 6 months, but some are capable of lasting a year and beyond. I'd hate to give you a time frame that might be too short to see reality or too long, so the two of you just settle into a rut.
This decision is unique to the two of you. Just keep your eyes open for patterns or changes in patterns, and address them when you first see them. Don't just convince yourself you can deal with the other person's idiosyncrasies. By addressing things when they're small, showing curiosity not judgment, we can either learn to fine tune our choices, or we can discover this isn't the person we'd choose to be with. It makes sense to go into any situation with our eyes wide open. You have my best wishes in discovering what you see is reality and not fantasy, and you spend a long, wonderful, loving life together.
so according to my mom who has been married for 35 years, she says that its not a great idea to live with someone before you marry them because there will always be something wrong about the person you are with (flaws). You will be angry, frustrated at some point living with them. And if you are not married to them, it is too easy to leave. If you are married to them, you look for ways to handle your partner's flaws.
Though I understand why some people might disagree with her. I can also agree with her at the same time because you will never find someone in this world who is perfect 100% without anything that you don't like about them.
My husband and I didn't live together until after our honeymoon. That was 21 years ago.
All I can say for certain is that you don't learn all of eachother's habits in a few months or even a few years. Some things develop over time and we adjust our wants, needs, likes, and dislikes as we age.
What matters is that your goals and priorities are the same and that they are decided together.
Opinion
39Opinion
1000% yes you never know who someone really is until you live with them.
It is different being married.
u No. It might seem like a good idea, but there's a lot of very unhealthy thinking beneath the surface.
With this kind of thinking, marriage becomes more the "next logical step" rather than a fixed, conscious, and deliberate decision. When pursuing marriage, you ought to be making the conscious choice to love, cherish, and be devoted to the other person for as long as you both shall live. You ought to have it in mind that you will encounter significant and often unforeseen challenges. And you ought to consider that a man and a woman will grow and change, both as a couple and as individuals. The idea of living together before marriage for the sake of finding out of they're compatible with each other or if they "can tolerate each other" undermines all of that.
Plus, this kind of thinking puts limits on what someone will choose to love and it tries to put limits on another person, who, when you think about it, is somewhat of an infinity unto themselves. We all have our innermost thoughts that we can't otherwise express. And often a man and a woman are a mystery to themselves and each other until they commit to marry. Marriage is supposed to help draw out those things and strengthen and nourish them.
And if you think about it, then it makes sense that cohabitation before marriage is often associated with higher likelihood of divorce.
I don't recommend renting a place together. It's a huge risk. I've been there, done that. It's actually a trap that usually benefits one person more than the other. It creates dependency. It's a way of tightening the noose and making marriage more inevitable, even if you aren't ready yet.
But I do recommend living together while keeping your own places. I've done that, too, and it worked out great. Your own place becomes like a storage locker where you store all your clothes and stuff. I assume that most people like me have lots of stuff.
And if you decide, at some point, that you are not meant to spend the entire rest of your lives together, you can separate amicably and go back to your own place without messy financial constraints, having to find a new place to live, and having to move all your stuff.
I wouldn't consider marrying someone unless we essentially lived together for at least a year or two.
Its how you get to know everything about each other, warts and all. Their unalloyed personalities, habits, behaviors, quirks, and attitudes in all different kinds of situations, including under stress.
I wouldn't share rent, buy furniture, combine assets and possessions unless I was married. No way.
When I did finally get married, it was exciting to look for a place together, and begin living as husband and wife. At that point, we brought all our possessions, bought some new furniture, shared our incomes and everything else.
The thing is, my wife and I took marriage very seriously. We consider it to be a once in a lifetime commitment. The most important decision of our lives. There's no going back. It 's not just a lovey dovey, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. It's not just playing house.
No, I would never try it. I definitely would not want to torpedo my relationship before it even started. Because despite how popular this is and how pervasive the narrative is that it actually is a good trial run, the data shows differently. To the disappointment and sadness of millions of couples, instead of increasing the likelihood of a successful marriage it increases the likelihood of a divorce and an unsuccessful marriage.
https://www. psychologytoday. com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202101/is-living-together-marriage-associated-divorce
I don't think there's anything wrong with two consenting adults living together, but in general I believe the length of the relationship is more important than whether two peeps live together. Meaning, the amount of time a couple spends together, gets to know each other, invests in the relationship, etc.
No, it kills the romance. Get married and just go to couples' counseling to sort out common relationship issues. You should spend enough time together though first to know what their general worldly beliefs are, and see whether you are compatible.
Don't be fucking stupid.
Sure, get together and go to each others places for a day or two as a couple. But living with someone is a commitment beyond marriage. You need to be looking after the place, paying rent, bills or whatever, married or not.
This is why most "cohabit" relationships fuck up before they get off the ground. You start living like you're married before you're married and end up with finance and privacy problems as a result.
I thought that's quite normal actually. Everyone moves together or spends significant time together before saying "I do" But with todays marriage laws its better for men to say "I never" The government just had to ruin marriage.
It's a great way to tell the other person they'll do if nothing better turns up. Whilst being told the same by them.
Marriage isn't just a piece of paper. It comes with a celebration and a very public announcement that you're in that relationship for life.
No, I won't do any trials. It's either the real deal or leave me alone. I feel like doing trial periods isn't a full commitment. There is no commitment is you'll have one feet out the door all the time and no actual responsibilities.
I think you can live under the same roof for an year and see. I don't think you can keep your facades up for an year, and slowly you guys would learn the challenges and perks of living together. When it's marriage, you can never be too careful.
When you are on dates you are both feeling fine and not in a bad place. If a date is cancelled there's something wrong. If you're married and there's something wrong, you need to know you can deal with that. You need to live with the person to find out if the bad times can be dealt with. Obviously since you are together and consdiering marriage, the good times are pretty darn good. The bad times need to be less than the good times and something you can deal with.
My brother and his ex girlfriend lived together and it was pretty crazy though they never married after living together. My brother got to see how his girlfriend acted after work and see her real true self. I kinda see it as playing house with someone as you aren't married but living together as a couple.
It sounds like a good idea at first but it’s likely you’re preparing for divorce instead of a long term marriage. Statistics prove this as well - couples who live together before marriage have a much higher rate of divorce. If you just want to live with someone to see if things work out and then one of you decides to leave, that’s not how marriage works - that’s how divorce works.
I'd say no, but I will also say everyone should learn to live on their OWN before trying to live with someone else.
To each their own though, if you don't believe in marriage then it is your only option.
No that's why people should be in courtships. That's breaking one of God's commedments.
I think so my biggest pet peeve is a dirty person and a women who doesn't know how to clean or is just to lazy to clean. I also dislike unorganized people. Clutter is a turn off, you should know where your stuff is at all times.
You know by taking steps. First try spending weekends together, then travel together, etc. etc. By time you will see if you are compatible or not. I knew my ex and I weren't after spending 5 days together.
That is an important and necessary step if you are considering marriage. If you can't live with each other for a couple of years, you won't last.
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