Mom is furious that my new boyfriend is 41 and I’m 22. How can I calm her down?

Question

I recently told her about him. She’s really mad. How can I calm her down?

starfoxxy64 · Accepted Answer

I know truth I agree with many people and also with your mother because this man is very way over your age bracket or what I mean like I mean you're 22 and why does he want to talk to such a young woman like yourself? I mean it's something wrong with this person why he can't find a woman his own age or a little bit younger than him since I have personal been in you exact same shoes that I was not at all dating this person yet we were just friends with benefits yet when we met on MySpace I was only 17 I was about to turn 18 years old in a few months which that is when he and I really went and met each other this man I had met and actually lied to me about his whole life meaning he had actually used his own Brothers age which actually was 10 years older still when he said he was 28 years old and I still thought which was odd still when I even done background checks with his false name and would become very defensive when I even asked if he could show me his own driver's license which I have been to his location of his house multiple times before finding out the truth of this year in 2020. so all the sudden I find out and now he's married now back in this past year he had a child with this woman that he had always completely lied about his own identity meaning he actually was at the time with me 16 years older in 2008 which I have questioned while I'm reading your statements about how your mom is furious she is concerned like any parent has to special when a woman is dating such a older Gap generation man. I actually honestly suggest you might want to hook up a background check with the cell phone number that he is contacted you from just to make sure you're going to be safe because why in the world with this man I understand you're all happy that you have an older man it would show you love and you're wanting to mature man not immature college frat boys or whatever you are going in living with in your situation at this moment. I just hope everything works out and it gets positive keep safe have a good holiday.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

I think she would’ve been more calm if you were totally and I mean- ENTIRELY independent.

That way you can’t be misused in some ways, and if things happen to go south, she can be at ease knowing you have a good head on your shoulders, to move on and have the means to do so.

If you’re still in the middle of “working things out for yourself,” a parent easily translates that and applies that to all areas of life.. meaning: she’d assume you are still in the middle of “working out who are the trustworthy people in life, who aren’t, and etc.”

Give her some confident trust in you by also doing yourself a favor, and simply work out your independent and living situations (dreams/ goals/ objectives), without your parents’ intervention, or aid from this boyfriend you have.

Cut them slack, be easy on yourself AND REASONABLE, and try to communicate it with your boyfriend. He should be understanding and furthermore, not in need of any assistance himself 🙅‍♀️ because he’s had more time.

Hope it all works out for the best for you! 🙏

inhua · Accepted Answer

it's your relationship, not hers. it's nobody's business to tell you who you should or shouldn't be with. if other people are uncomfortable with it, that's their problem.

being worried and concerned is one thing. being mad as in furious is another especially for something outside one's control such as age is entirely different. I'm gonna assume you were able to look past your boyfriend's age and see something in him. if he were a horrible person, a massive age gap won't hide it but expose it even more.

people using the logic that you should be with someone your own age might as well say only short people should only date short people, whites only date whites, blacks only date blacks, Asians only date Asians, beauties only date beauties, uglies only date uglies, christians only date christians, muslims only date muslims etc.

I do find it funny how people would say they support women's choices until of course they themselves don't approve of those choices.

at the end of the day, the choice is yours and you're never gonna make everyone happy.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Time, and, eventually introducing him to her.

I know that's not helping her calm down right now. But there's NOTHING you can do to calm her down right now. Just take cover from the screaming and wait-it-out.

Your mother has a problem with "a 41-year-old". However, if... over time... she gets the sense that this guy seems to be treating her daughter right... AND if she can eventually meet him, and see the two of you interacting as a couple... AND if this guy is actually a good guy, who ACTUALLY treats you well...

Then your mother will accept him. She has several 'fears' about "what might happen" if you date a 41 year old. You need to overcome those fears by showing her that; despite his age, he is a good man, and that he's a good man FOR YOU.

Unfortunately that takes some time. So for now, duck and cover and wait-it-out. Hang in there though (assuming this guy is indeed a good guy)

BlueScorpio · Answer

Oh boy. Um there's really nothing much you can do about your mother feeling uncomfortable about the relationship. She knows why a lot men his age go for women your age and she probably feels like he's just some old man trying to score with a hot young thing. Plus she probably feels like he's old enough to be your father, if you get pregnant with his child there's a chance he won't be around long enough to see his child or children with you grow up and start their own families. Unless he's already a dad. If he has kids that are already grown, there could be a chance he's not looking to have more children so if that's something you want in the future, I would see where he is on that.

Personally, if I was your mother I probably wouldn't really like it either. Can I change it and force you to stop seeing him? No. But I definitely would feel very strange about the relationship.

AviatorTom · Answer

Maybe she's jealous and would want him for herself. Talk to your boyfriend and see if he would like a MFF threesome with you and mom.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

She probably assumes that you are giving him your body in exchange for gifts and an allowance.

QuadDamage · Answer

Yeah I would not approve of this, if you were my daughter. Dating someone closer to my age then hers.

Especially not if she was in her 20s. I'm sorry but even if experiences are important, folks your age tend to not make the very best long term decisions. If you were closer to 30 then I wouldn't even be typing this.

It would really make me wonder what type of guy decides to date someone in this sensitive age, when it was 20 years ago he was there himself.

Smells suss.

Even if you were the most stable, reasonable person of your age with complete independency. My intuition does not like it.

bubblegunnn · Answer

How old is ur mom? Has she met him yet? Its normal if ur mom being furious like that.. she's concerned about u, be grateful w that.

He's double ur age.. and age gap relationship can have many challanges.. he has 20years life experiences on u whether u acknowledge that or nah. U r way too young and he is too mature for u. If he is a bad man u dont have enough maturity to realize what u may be leading urself into either.
Ur mom loves u first and most of the time want good for u. U have to try and understand things from her pov. Her baby seeing a man old enough to be her father. She, like a lot of folks might think that he is far too old for ur boyfriend and he's similar to ur moms age

Haha456 · Answer

because the way she sees it is that you are still like a kid to her (which is understandable). You are still very young, naive and inexperienced, likely even immature. A 41 yr old man can literally be your father. She may wonder why he is even with you. Its not uncommon for perverted guys at that age to date young girls for tight pussies and perky breasts.

Imagine if you had a 22 yr old son and he is dating a woman the exact same age as you. Wouldn't you feel a bit weird about it? you would.

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

Let's see

What can you possibly relate to with this guy? What do you talk about? What do you do? Beyond showing up for sex at his beck & call, paid for with money and/or gifts.

If that isn't the situation then I apologize.

But given your age it likely is & that's why your mother is furious.

anonanonanonomys · Answer

I've been in large age gap relationships and never wanted to bring them home. Because my parents were going to think they are predators. In reterospect it's not far fetched to think if a very grown man is in a relationship with someone so young he may be more likely to be interested in minors. Not for sure ofc but it's a huge red flag especially to parents.

MystiKaL · Answer

Your mum has every right to be worried, as her daughter is dating a man pretty much old enough to be her dad.

It's not about calming your mum down, it's about making her understand that you are wise enough to make your own decisions and he is someone you really like, and he feels the same as you. That's if you do feel that way for each other.

Man-O-Metal · Answer

You can't calm her down. Your thinking is on a different playing field than hers. She'll never accept you dating a man who is almost literally twice your age and you'll never see her distaste for your situation. I don't know why you think there's a future with this man or what value you think this relationship has. But, at the end of it all, it's kinda breaking your mom's heart so...

annabananna · Answer

Give her time. Tell her you understand her concerns but you really like him and are going to be with him. Def don’t talk to her about any disagreements that you two end up having (unless it is abusive and you need support to get out). If he is decent and she isn’t super stubborn than time will settle her down.

Anonymous · Answer

Your mom needs to be more supportive and not upset. Some people are going to hate my comment. I was married to a guy my own age and dated guys my own age they're all selfish and only care about stupid video games and they all neglected me emotionally. I don't blame you for dating a mature guy that knows what he wants. I don't see anything wrong with your relationship. Guys your age can be assholes and jerks that's all I have to say.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell her about the myriad Filipinas who are 20-30 years old and "look for love" for a man of age between 40 and... 99.

Like... "mom, if you look at that the right way, this man's the youngest I could pick for a boyfriend!" 🤠

allthewronganswers · Answer

Your Mom really doesn't have a say in who you are dating. Judging your partner by his time on earth is actually Ageism! Once he is good, kind & loves you, that's all that she should be really worried about. In time if your relationship goes the distance, she will calm down.

godfatherfan · Answer

A 42 yr old man has no business dating a 22 yr old woman or man. Don't tell me you have "a lot in common" because that is absurd. You could be his daughter. It is only about the sex, plain and simple.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

There's nothing she can do. You're an adult and if you're happy being with him then that's your choice and you should make it clear and tell her that. Maybe she will eventually calm down if she realizes he's a Good Guy. That could take a while to happen. Still, that's no guarantee. Until then, you might have to deal with your mom being mad.

sassy_receptor · Answer

you can calm her down by listening to her and rethinking the relationship. you think it’s fun and games now but in a couple years, you’ll see how odd the relationship is and advise your daughter what your mom is advising you.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I'm not sure what I'd do if 22yr old brought home a 41 year old.  Um.. well, you have to bring him over for conversation. show her the ring.

TrueConfection · Answer

She probably envisioned a wonderful future for you because she loves you. You being with a man closer to her age probably wasn't part of that vision.

melanieeeB · Answer

I honestly agree with her, it seems like a big ass age gape. I wouldn't want my sister to date someone that much older.  But you can't really do anything, maybe introduce them but yeah

Truthatanycost · Answer

If you had a daughter what would you think? Try to see it from her perspective and it will be easier to deal with.

PizzaPieMamaBear · Answer

Girl I’m 40 and my boyfriend is 21 just do what makes you happy if he’s good to you and your happy. Your mom will come around

Pudsmucker · Answer

The sad thing is your boyfriend is probably close to your mother's age. I would try to reason with your mother though. Does your boyfriend have children? Are are the children in a joint custody with the other parent?

slatyb · Answer

Who is this man? How did you meet him? How is his life going? What are your life goals, and will he support them?

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Just if y'all act mature and good for each other she will come around. This is how it was when I was dating my girlfriend. The mom was very upset but eventually came around and loves me now. I was 34 and she 18.

NotTacocaT6969 · Answer

You can’t.  He was 19 when you were born…she will never be ok with that.

Levin · Answer

It's not like women date women their own age that are douchebags...

exitseven · Answer

I don't blame your mom. I would be furious too. He is too old for you. I would have him arrested

FilmGuy93 · Answer

There's really nothing you can do besides hope that she isn't right about why a guy that age is dating a woman your age.

Mangospacho · Answer

I don’t think there’s any way you can calm her down. You’re just going to have to give it time. If he’s 41 then he’s probably close to your moms age.

MementoMori777 · Answer

Have him meet her, if he's a good person, hopefully it would change her mind

socair · Answer

let her have a weekend away with him now and then if he's willing then she might be more jealous than mad

Sparkie460 · Answer

Nothing you say will calm her down. Just let her meet him and get to know him. The more she sees him she'll end up liking him

AngryCarl · Answer

She will probably calm down when you ditch this ageing Lothario and date someone closer to your own age.

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

Mom, I'm getting used and I'm proud it... Stay out of it please...

MannMitAntworten · Answer

You likely will not. Just do not allow it to adversely influence your relationship.

User3191989 · Answer

yeah, i would be too, if i was old enough to be your father (your new boyfriend)

OddBeMe · Answer

Wow. That’s high. I guess just be a loving couple and she’ll see it’s a good relationship. If he doesn’t dump you once you’re older.

Anonymous · Answer

Assure her that its the best sex you've ever had and are going to have his baby.

Guy13 · Answer

You live with Mum

dudeinohio · Answer

Don't worry about it. You are an adult and she can't do anything about it.

Anonymous · Answer

She doesn't want you to get used or hurt other than that if your relationship workouts then thats great.

Hardworkingguy · Answer

Well perhaps you can explain in what ways he's better than the younger men you have met.

Twalli · Answer

You understand why she's mad. He's old enough to be your father.

Vivaldi · Answer

Don't you think there is too much age difference?

Fuentes · Answer

Why should she be happy about it? It's pretty weird but whatever.

Anonymous · Answer

You can’t. Only she can’t choose to calm down or not calm down. He’s with you because women his age won’t put up with him.

dustybiker · Answer

I’d be pissed too.

In_Trance · Answer

break up with your boyfriend

RHK36 · Answer

Get pregnant.

msc545 · Answer

Ignore her.

berwise13 · Answer

Break up with him.

Mom is furious that my new boyfriend is 41 and I’m 22. How can I calm her down?

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