"You Don't Speak To Your Mother In That Tone!" Is It A Dealbreaker If Your SO Interferes And Says That?

[anon1903]

i would confess that at times i have been quite the jerk to my family and friends... but it'd be a really dealbreaker for me if my SO Interferes with my private fights and sides with them... i value my privacy, and i would probably not complain about them to my parents either, cuz i feel if you have problems with someone, tell them that directly.

my nerd bestie and i were watching something and she swooned over being reprimanded for one's own behaviour towards one's own fight and a lesson in "how to treat your mom : Asian edition... 1) let her use you like a doormat 2) she's older so you gotta respect her, whether in that situation she deserves it or not"

[SnowedIn]

Wow. Short answer to your question: yes; dealbreaker. Who does that? Like, yes, there were times when I had a girlfriend and she spoke to her mom like batshi$ crazy but I never thought of correcting her or even saying anything to her. Same for my wife. Just wow. All that said, dealbreaker for an SO relationship but not sure a dealbreaker for a BFF relationship.

[snackthatsmilesback]

Fuck. OK I'd calm down, but only because I don't wanna be angry. I'd definitely turn on him if he pulled any shit about "respect" with any of my parents tho—specially if he's not using a respectful tone to me when he does it. Cuz we rlly have a relationship like that. Don't fuck it up tryna protect a ghost. That's stupid.

[melanieeeB]

Not for me, I don't mind when a partner feels the need to speak up and feels like having to put me in my place, we can start arguing, I don't mind at all! I rather have a man who has the balls to speak up, instead of some coward

[Agape93]

Yeap. First off, don't yell at me. Secondly, do not ever tell me what I can and cannot do. Lastly, if you don't know the circumstances of why I would talk to her as I would, then shut up.

[NathanDavis]

nope... not to me

I never EVER would raise my tone or insult my mother, never have... if I ever did, either my friends or my partners or my brothers, or my father would kick my ass when I did

if I am doing WRONG, then I would have to be told and shown that, if you ignore my wrongs then you are not being a good partner, you're just enabling my bad behaviour

but I do refer to cases in which, I indeed, have done a wrong

[Mangospacho]

It depends on what you did. I would not call out my wife like that in front of her family or anyone else. If it’s that bad, I would take her aside and let her know she’s being really rude. Also I wouldn’t word it like he did; he sounded like your parent, not your boyfriend.

[dustybiker]

There are better ways to call someone out. Put like this sounds condescending.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

My mom is a bit of a nut so if my girl said something like that maybe it's cuz it needed to be said. Some conversations should be kept private. It's disrespectful to argue with a family member in front of an audience.

[TacosRAwesome]

It's a deal breaker if he does it during the argument. That's the time where he should either be quiet or be supportive. Once we are out of there he can tell me that I was a complete ass.

[Rania05]

It would be a deal breaker for nearly anyone, don't interfere in your partner's interaction with their parents, if you don't like because your partner is the one solely in fault, break up

[USLegionary]

Largely depends on the extent. I had a ex who talked very disrespectfully to her mother, it was a serious red flag.

[Kaneki05]

Those who blindly stick to conventions than ask the why are doomed to be ignorant.
And I wouldn't date someone ignorant.

[the_sinner]

If the interference is during the argument then I’d be furious. I’d start speaking in the same tone to my SO then.


I appreciate the concern but I’d rather not anyone interfere in my family matters unless they’re almost like my family.

[ArtemisSilver]

I get extremely annoyed at my wife if she sides with someone else publicly and undermines me, but it's not the end of the world.

[Juxtapose]

I think it's nice when somebody keeps me in check, it shows me they are not a doormat who's going to blindly agree with everything I say but they are their own person. As long as we agree on core things then it doesn't really matter.

[call_me_scar]

If I described my family's unjustifiable unsanitary and backstabbing and she still took their side then yeah that's a red flag for me

[Andres77]

You don’t have to agree with your parents but I never condone outright disrespect.

[Andres77]

I’m not going to get in your face about it but if I was just starting out in a relationship and saw blatant disrespect then I’d start backing out of the relationship.

[CallmeTheKnight]

If they make it a habit to interfere, I would dump them.

[Juxtapose]

If you're an asshole to your own mother then how are you going to treat me? Huge red flag.

[pizzalovershouse]

It's your choice

[TallAnon]

Yeah, that's weird.