My partner is really close with his ex girlfriend. He says there isn't anything and they just talk abut their days etc. But I don't think that they should even talk because she is his ex and he has a relationship. Even though I told him that this is making me uncomfortable, he still sees and spends time with her. What do you think ? Do you think it is appropriate to become friends with an ex or better way off ?
Eh, I think that if he is close with her family, then he can be kind, but no, it's a bit weird to hang out with an ex a lot, unless they somehow work together.
I dated a girl who I felt close with some of her family. I genuinely cared more about what happened to certain family over her, because she didn't always treat them so well, and I kinda felt bad for them. But no, I'm not close with them, and no I'm not close with her. I would be at "small talk" level with her. I wouldn't be nasty or cruel. But that's about as far as it would go.
I think that if they have kids together, then yes, co-parenting is important. Trying to be respectful in front of the kids can be important. I'm not sure about friendships, but maybe it can work if they're doing it mostly for the kids. I get vacations, maybe. I get family celebrations, maybe. I get going down to help her with the kids in an emergency, or even just to help her if she's sick - especially if it was amicable.
Otherwise, I would not want to be friends with an ex. But then I've had some crappy exes, so there's definitely a bias... but if it's a dealbreaker, it's a dealbreaker.
As someone who is friends with a good majority of my exes, I think I can answer this one:
What are you expecting to come from it? Is there unresolved feelings there? Did they both fall out of love and accept it? And would you be okay with whatever things they got going on together?
I should preface this is that I emphasize the word majority of exes, not all. So learning when to cut somebody off is crucial, to start.
But yeah, usually relationships are started because they seem to believe that they are compatible in some way, whether short term or long term. Whether that presumption is false is a whole entire different question, so I’mma sweep that off to the side; presuming they are correct, even if a relationship doesn’t work out, there’s still that chemistry, there’s still that connection. Sure, it may be less than what it was guessed to be, but still close regardless. They’re more than capable of being friends, if looked at that way. Plus, it shows an amount of maturity to be able to reconnect with someone instead of immediately brushing them off and never talking again.
But there are always qualms with this, especially from romantic partners. This can range from:
- Behavior from the ex that makes them uncomfortable, which could be talked out as long as both side can compromise
- Predatory behavior that seeks to take your significant other for themselves
- Toxic relationships in general afterward due to bitterness
- Sexual tension that hasn’t resolved at all
- Simple jealousy over their friendship dynamic (which is more of the jealous one’s problem and should be talked over)
There are a plethora of reasons one should and shouldn’t become friends with their exes, ones that I didn’t cover, but hopefully this helped :)
Aslong as it’s clear that there’s no lingering romantic feelings, then I don’t see a problem if my partner wanted to be friends with one of his exes. I think it all comes down to insecurity and how much you trust your partner. I’m friends with 2 of my exes. Ones an ex from 6 years ago and she totally screwed up our relationship back then, and my current partner is very aware that I only view her in a platonic light now. She helps me with art projects sometimes. The other ex is from a few years ago, he cheated on me a lot and the breakup was mutual, we were best friends before we dated so we went back to being friends after breaking up. I still talk to him very often, but don’t see him often in person as he lives far away now. Things are only platonic between us and we both have amazing new partners. These exes are exes for a reason. My partner knows that I wouldn’t be with him if I still had feelings for an ex. I don’t date or start a new relationship until I’ve completely gotten over the last person I was with. I don’t bring that sort of baggage into a new relationship.
Deal breaker, an ex is an ex for a reason. Unless you have kids what reason do you need to keep an ex around other than the fact that person is just keeping the door open to that relationship cause they aren't full over or disconnected to their ex. When you don't feel comfortable about it, they will try to say it's you who's the problem and make you feel insecure and controlling about it. That is manipulation. If he wants to keep seeing his ex then he can but I won't be around. I'm not going to be the one looking stupid in case they decide to cheat or want to rekindle the romance with their ex. Don't deal with people who want to keep exs around d cause it's not over between them.
Opinion
36Opinion
That is unacceptable. You leave an Ex then you leave. All Business and no loitering child or not. Words are useless as consistent action is required.
It’s inappropriate if the new partner is not OK with it
If you trust your man, this shouldn't bother you. Variety in friendships improves ALL relationships. Don't let jealousy poison your relationship with your man. The fact that he's ignoring you means this is an important relationship to him. And if you keep at him about it, YOUR relationship is the one that may go down the tubes for someone else more reasonable. NOT the ex, either.
@Screenwriter: No woman would trust a man who’s doing what he’s doing.
And I disagree completely. I had male friends when I was married. They were platonic and one was an ex. NONE of them were a threat to my marriage and I did nothing inappropriate with them. They were friendships like any OTHER PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP.
My husband trusted me and he had every reason to. EX MEANS FORMER. Not redeveloping, not anything else. TRUST is the bedrock of relationships. Jealousy is a relationship killer.
Now, perhaps the two of them should talk this out. But anyone telling me who I can have a relationship with is not someone I want a relationship with. He'd have to go. Friends are as important as intimates. And sometimes one or the other is inappropriate. In this case, it might be the girlfriend and her demands.
@Screenwriter: That may have worked for you, but it clearly doesn't for the OP. You don't help her by ignoring the differences between her situation and yours. This is not about you. And you don't put an ex above your current partner.
If my current partner demanded that I stop being friends with my longtime friend who just happened to be my ex, I would wonder why my current boyfriend was jealous or suspicious and would have to have a talk with my partner.
Anyone who DEMANDS you not have a friend has a problem that has nothing to do with YOU OR the
friend or whatever former status that friend had in your life.
@Screenwriter: Some people are OK with it, and some aren't. You show a lack of respect for your new partner if you let it get to the point where there is an ultimatum being made and you still insist on being friends with the ex.
I'm friends with one of my exes who I dated 27 years ago, but she's such a wholesome person that no woman I've dated since has had a problem with me being her friend.
What about the partner's lack of respect for my friendship that was present before I knew him or her? And I contend that I don't want to be associated with a person who can't allow me to remain friends with whomever I choose. This isn't about respect.
And with the asker, it doesn't appear that she can handle him being friends with an ex and that is what this is about. He hasn't let it "get to the point" where an ultimatum "has to be made."
She's the one with the problem. Now, his ignoring the issue isn't a great tactic. He should talk with her about this and say, this person is my friend and no threat to our relationship. We were friends BEFORE we went out together. Now we don't go out together and we remain friends.
To me, this is simple to understand. If she doesn't, seems to me, this is an untenable relationship. Maybe she doesn't LIKE this person period, besides it being his ex. These kinds of situations always crop up with parents, friends, lovers. It truthfully has little to do with it being an ex.
No one has the right to ask or demand that a person stop being friends with someone THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE with their SO being with, unless that person is a criminal! And if THAT's the case, it's time for the SO to exit!
It's hard to be friends with your ex, but it's okay to be civil with them.
I’m friends with my ex. We have a friends with benefits situation. I’m openly looking to date. When I start dating our situationship ends but our friendship will exist.
I have little respect for the men I know. Their vulgar and stupid. Only a handful that I willingly interact with. That being said I know many women in different situations that I wouldn’t cut ties with. Men and women can be friends if you can trust your partner. Failure to trust your partner says more about you then your partner even more so if they haven’t given you a reason not to, or worse, every reason to trust them.
I think it's appropriate and okay. But what's important here is that your not comfortable with it. That should be important to your partner. The ugly middle ground though is that your partner has to make a choice between friends with ex or what's important to you is what it sounds like. Maybe a conversation with your partner to find some sort of compromise? Your concerns are legit, just have to find what works best for both of you.
Great advice
My sister is friends with her ex. Granted he's married and according to her, his husband is more attractive than him (yes he is in a homosexual marriage, and no he wasn't a closet homosexual while dating her). They don't live near each other, but she just needed a brief time apart from him before they became friends again. She was friends with him before he was engaged and married, and before she was with her current boyfriend (a few months shorter than my girlfriend's and mine 4 years and 5 months).
Ex wife? Hard to avoid. This is an ex girlfriend and she needs to be in his past. If you try to force the issue, he'll likely develop resentful feelings toward you. Telling him you're uncomfortable with his keeping any sort of relationship with his exgf was the right approach. If you told him you're uncomfortable and he dismissed your feelings as unmerited, then you should probably reconsider your relationship with him.
This is complicated and a deal breaker in most situations.
I guess if the ex is in their own relationship or they dated a very long time ago maybe and long shot maybe it’s okay. But it cannot be consistent communication or worse meeting in person. Hell no. Maybe a friendly hello around Christmas or something. But any farther that is a dealbreaker.
Not when you've obviously showed that it is NOT okey with you. There has to be boundaries and something of his past should not have to eat away at you now.
There were limits, ex'es can for sure be one or those limits, without you being annoying foe telling him.
Why'd he wanna make you uncomfy for his own ego not taking a hint?
I won't long term date a woman I do not like as an individual, so if the romance fizzles we still might remain friends. I do not revisit past failed romances so the new girl has nothing to fear in that regard; however, if she tries to control whom I have as friends we will not last.
A friendship with an ex can be highly rewarding, but it's more than OK not to have a relationship or be in contact with them. Accepting the transience of connection and moving forward on your own path will give you much more peace than holding onto a past flame when there is no longer alignment.
If you said that you feel uncomfortable with it, I would take it serious if I was your partner. The same goes vice versa. In the end he has the right to make his own decisions, but it's not very compassionate of him
"He says there isn't anything"
... until something develops and he hops with his ex between the sheets. In most cases it ends that way. Give him an ultimatum or find someone who takes you seriously.
I don't and I wouldn't have dated anyone seriously who still kept an ex around in their life and kept ongoing communication with them or met up with them.
I wouldn't do it myself or have dated those that do.
I do belive its fine, I mean if she is the Ex there is a reason for that, and they picked you over them
Loyalty is there or not there being near a issue area should not be an issue
There is no reason to be. It just makes any new relationships feel threatened. There is a difference between having been friends with someone, and knowing them sexually.
If a woman does so, then she has not gotten over her ex, for man, they might've gotten over them but still tryin to be on friendly term, but they'll probably avoid them a bit.
I understand staying in touch, but if they describe themselves as being 'very close' I would honestly avoid dating that guy. It's just really fishy.
Well I think it’s cute but... My brother in law told me he’s best friends with one of his baby mamas and that they fuck whenever he picks up or drops off the kids he was married and she has been living with another man for years.
Don't deal with them except under certain circumstances such as:
1. You have kids together
2. Nurse patient relationship
3. One of you is a first responder responding to a call from an ex
I’m guy and would not like that one bit if my girl was friends with her ex. One weak moment and done. I understand if he had children with her but if not. He shouldn’t be hanging out with her if he cares about you
If they are so close, why are the both of them no longer together? Those situations are bad enough when you are with someone who can't let people go.
If the ex is still present, walk away
Yes my partner can even do laundry for them or do a lasagna if they are hungry
Largely depends on the ex. I've an ex who's a lesbian for instance. Some of the best sex I had in our teens, she's not going to threaten my marraige.
Depends on the situation surrounding their break-up. Sometimes people just become friends without even realizing
It depends on how serious the relationship was. If it was two dates and you just split up amicably, it’s fine. If you dated for two years and then split up, probably not a good idea.
Absolutely not, one of my partners tried to keep around a former partner, and there's always a weird dynamic.
No, staying friends with exes is a red flag.
"they just talk abut their days etc."
Oh, HELL no! That's YOUR territory, not hers!! She's encroaching. 👮🦓🚩
No way. It will cause issues with new relationships
no they should stay out of there kidds lives as less said sooner mended
I always found it to be weird and unhealthy in my opinion
No , most cheaters cheat with their ex and I don't want to be in a rebound relationship.
I wouldn't recommend it as you never know if those people are just friends or something else
A solid NO. An ex is an ex for a reason and all contact with an ex should be cut off.
Fine.
Just keep distance.
If they’re just friends it’s ok
Yeah that would be a dealbreaker for me.
They can if they want to
No, especially if they have had sex.
Their life, their choice.
No they should not in my opinion
Nope because you wouldn't either. Come on
Go fuck her and then she's your ex too. Lol
Leave him he's cheating
Should? Nooo
No o that nonthing but trouble
It didn't work for me
No lmao
No .
Nope
Absolutely not
No lol
I don't know.
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