Is wanting to be single forever bad?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don’t think so. I have no motivation to find someone. Plus, I’m toxic and have major red flags that it would be unfair for my future partner to have to deal with that.

[caring__1]

It sounds like you're very critical of yourself. You want to know whether the issue is not measuring up to the norms of others or whether your patterns tend to be inconsiderate of others. You'll be much happier if you view yourself as a unique individual rather than someone who differs from what society promotes. I wish people would learn what makes them unique and then enhance what already exists rather than attempt to be something they're not. What I'm drawn to is different from what society promotes as ideal (the last thing I'd want is a Barbie Doll), yet women who don't match the ideal view themselves as defective. I prefer a woman who feels good about what she brings to the relationship. The last thing I want is to hear her constantly minimizing or denying the compliments I give her.

If, on the other hand, you tend to be inconsiderate of others, that's a different story. Is it a sense of entitlement you project, or is it a defensive tactic to keep others from hurting you? By working on yourself, you'll learn how to be observant and know when to avoid toxic situations and then start bringing positive to those that remain. Just because you haven't met that compatible partner, it's not necessary to throw in the towel. I'm not saying you need to actively seek a partner, as that may just lead to frustration (since healthy partners are so rare), but don't completely block any opportunity. Just keep your eyes wide open when an opportunity presents itself rather than always assume the worse. Being single is a much better option than settling, just to be in a relationship, but it never makes sense to totally close the door and play the victim.

[Asker]

First off, I wasn’t talking about looks. It’s my mental health that’s not doing so great. Second, to answer your question, no and it’s more like I don’t want to make my partner suffer. Also, I don’t see how I’m playing victim when I’m doing what I think it’s right.

[Asker]

I mean, you can think whatever you want about me but I’ll tell you you’re wrong 🤷‍♀️

[caring__1]

You're free to tell me I'm wrong, but all I'm doing is seeking further clarification to offer assistance. If you're finding your mental health to be the challenge, what are you doing to address it? If you're in therapy and not seeing progress, it may be time to seek out a different therapist. Are you dealing with a biochemical imbalance, or are these situational reactions you're dealing with? If it is biochemical, seek out a psychiatrist who is willing to fine tune your meds rather than assume everyone reacts to meds the same. By playing the victim, I'm meaning giving up due to believing everything is out of your control. There may be much out of our control, but there will always be some things within our control. By focusing on what is within our control, no matter how small, our confidence and motivation increases. I'm curious... if you know you're going to tell everyone they're wrong, what might be your reason for even asking any question on this site?

[Asker]

I’m not seeing a therapist. I did have a chemical imbalance but I’m on medication for it. Before then, I was way worse than I was. And I’m not going to tell everyone they’re wrong. Don’t know why you would assume that.

[caring__1]

If your not feeling balanced by your meds, maybe you're on the wrong med or wrong dose. That's the reason I said to find a psychiatrist who is willing to fine tune your meds. Psychiatrists generally just do med management, not therapy. Though meds can alter your stress level so your issues can be addressed, they don't solve problems. A therapist can help you make the behavioral changes necessary to be the person you want to be.

"I’m not going to tell everyone they’re wrong. Don’t know why you would assume that."

"you can think whatever you want about me but I’ll tell you you’re wrong"

[Asker]

Oh, I thought you meant those who were replying. Sorry, got confused for a second.

[Asker]

Also, I’m not quite awake. Got up way too early and I don’t function very as a morning person.

[Asker]

Though I believe this conversation should end.

[Tracker1958]

Go to YouTube and look up, women drinking their own period blood. They think it's make them look younger and healthier. It's a real thing.

[Asker]

@Tracker1958 No, I believe you. I’ve heard about that too 🤢

[Monalisa77]

Sometimes i self sabatoge things with a potential interest because im scared of getting hurt

[Kinkyhubby]

It's not a bad thing to choose to be single. I was single for over 8 yes between my 2 marriages. I was fine with being single and going out, buying anything I wanted, doing whatever I want. I also like being married n having my 2 kids and see how they are growing.

The good thing is you know you can be a toxic person and don't want to hurt the other person in the relationship. But have you seek help or talk to someone, on why you acted that way at times.

I once dated a woman that at times acted out trying to get a reaction out of me, because she was in an abusive relationship before me, amd she was sexually abusive when she was younger. So she would start a fight over something, and then say " come on hit me!" And I would reply " No, I not the type of guy to hit women. That's not who I am" eventually we broke up. Months later I saw her, and she apologized for her actions and said she didn't know how to handle a "nice guy" like me that wasn't physically abusive. I wish her luck amd hope she finds the peace she needs.

So unless you get help with being toxic even it isn't on purpose, of if you really don't want to change, then you choosing being single is your choice. People have the right to make their own choices.

[BlueScorpio]

No, it's not bad it's personal choice. There's tons of people who choose a celibate for belief and non belief purposes. Now a lot people might find it strange cause most people do want a partner to spend their time and maybe even their last days/years with as they age. Most people tend to have a drive in them to find a life mate, however there some people who are perfectly find with this arrangement.

But just be clear, ask yourself is this something you really want in the long run or just for now until you can get yourself together and your priorities straight. There is Chance that once you feel like a better version of yourself, you might want to date but who knows for sure. It's totally up to you.

[xoxosilentgirl]

Nope, being single is actually more fun and you’ll have fewer drama. For what i’ve seen, single woman usually looks happier compared when they are in relationshit. Its great that you're aware your toxic trait and refuse to hurt your possible partner. Don’t listen to nobody bullshit, being single isn’t bad at all.

[Asker]

I just hate it sometimes I have days where I want to be with someone but I remind myself why I can’t.

[xoxosilentgirl]

that’s normal, you can work on yourself first, once its get better maybe you can try to be with someone

[Asker]

I’ve never had a relationship before. But, it’s getting harder to suppress my feelings.

[xoxosilentgirl]

Journey to find yourself is hard, but once you get to that point, you’ll be feel at your greatest. I know its not easy and frustrating, but try to live in the moment. Maybe now its not the right time for you, but who knows in a few years

[Asker]

Well, I am 30 now but I guess you do have a point.

[xoxosilentgirl]

30 is still young, many people still can't figure out their life at the age 35 upwards

[Asker]

Quite honestly, I am enjoying my freedom of being single. I don’t really want anybody.

[BlueScorpio]

You should try a diary and just write out how you're feeling everyday. It helps, women need to go back to diaries when we use to have them as little girls and teens. It can be a reliever.

[Asker]

Why women? And I wasn’t a fan of diaries when I was younger.

[all_hayl]

Depends on your motive. I definitely hear your side and respect/appreciate your motive. I've dated one person (for a very short time) since my divorce 13 years ago. I realized that I was a selfish piece of work and needed to work on myself before bring someone else into my life. Still working on that. I’m 100% open to and looking forward to sharing life with someone again, but that will happen when it happens. For now, I’m pursuing healing/growth/Spiritual connection with Jesus, etc. I don’t *want* to be single, but I’m content with it for now while I grow and wait for the *right* person.

[all_hayl]

Most/all people are selfish jerks. Hats off to you for realizing your own toxicity and not living in denial about it like 95% percent of the people out there who consider themselves to be a “good person”.

[Asker]

I honestly thought I was a good person because I don’t purposely go out of my way to be mean or I really don’t talk to people.

[oddwaffle]

Being single isn't bad but your reason to be single is not healthy. You are being single because you believe that you are too bad of a choice to deserve anyone.

For example, I am single and I like it. I come home to a clean and spacious house with a naughty cat. I can cook if I want or just order take out. I can even have dinner alone in a restaurant. I am comfortable being alone and I don't care what people think.

[Asker]

I just don’t want to make my partner miserable.

[anon1903]

It's good to be considerate of others and your mental health.

[oddwaffle]

You have to realize that you already have a partner. Yourself. It's important that you need to learn to live with yourself.

Begin you day with things you have to do. Clean the floor, do laundry, go to work, exercise, make dinner, take out the trash... etc.

Once every you need to do is done, just sit back and relax. Do something you like. Take a bath, go for a walk, play with a pet... etc.

[raven6933]

Could you be more specific? Why are you so sure that you may not find someone? You're not the only person like this, so why be alone when you don't have to be? Are you selling yourself short and over compensating for it? First off. You have to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you. You can't have one without the other. Otherwise it's a lie.

[TheVigilantOne]

Not really, people can be toxic and nasty and come with to much baggage that you don’t need to deal with.


Being alone you don’t have all that rubbish to deal with you only have to worry about you.


I don’t want a relationship I don’t want friends either people get on my nerves and I’ve been hurt and lied to so much that I’d rather be alone, I’m so hostile now it’s unreal.

[Raaj4you]

If you stay single, life will be more easy and fun. You will feel good about it when you are young. When you grow old nobody will take care of you. Your money is completely yours. If you are married your life will be full of responsibilities, you have the responsibility of your wife and kids. Your money is not completely yours, you have to share it with your family.

[Heolurt]

"Apparently females think this matters to the world", but this is a social circle thing, your relatives or friends constantly asking you those questions doesn't mean the rest of the world even cares if you're single or wanting to start a family. So is it bad? That is a question you have to ask yourself.

[DermalPunch]

It's unnatural but there may be a good reading. It's rare a person truly wants to be single. The either have unreasonable requirements, specific requirements or they are just really detached and don't like family life.

[DermalPunch]

*reason

[insteadfew]

Being actually detached is rare...

[monorprise]

Rules and management expectations make all relationships work. The question is not whether or not you be a good husband/wife but rather or not you can follow and agree to rules to get and give what is needed.

[VanillaSalt]

Define bad? Bad for you bad for others bad as in evil? You do what you want as everyone should however… don’t complain about the outcome. Don’t spread your misery to others because you choose poorly.

[VanillaSalt]

I think people are at their best when their doing it for others.

[Asker]

People see being single as bad because we’re meant to be with someone or whatever.

[VanillaSalt]

Who cares what people think? I learned 2 words that sum up life… so what.

If you after a job and people don’t like you their opinion matters and you lost the job… so what? You chose to be something they don’t like or at the very least not what they like.

A stranger on the street laughs at you when you spill your ice cream on your show… so what. Does this strangers opinion matter?

The only value you’ll ever have in life is what others think of you. If they have something you want it might matter to you if you increase that value. If they don’t then so what?

You might change for a friend or a partner but why the fuck you gonna change for the bum on the corner?

[Little_Bumblebee]

No, how would it be bad? That's up to you.

Just don't make others miserable because of your social status.
And remember to look out for yourself

[Tracker1958]

The more people that stay single, the fewer divorce and destroyed families homes. Make marriage illegal.

[Asker]

@Tracker1958 Are you not happy in your marriage or something?

[suzzieQ]

@Tracker1958 lol dude. Marriage is a choice, you dont get to dictate others' lives just because you dont like something. That would be like someone saying, I have shrimp, make it illegal. See how stupid that sounds?

[Tracker1958]

@suzzieQ in 10 years, women will make being married impossible to do anyway. Every year the marriage rates go down. So just be patient and women will kill marriage by them selves

[Asker]

Are women really that bad? Should we not exist anymore?

[Asker]

I mean, I’m down for that honestly.

[suzzieQ]

@Tracker1958 wanna bet? Because I can say with the utmost certainty that in 10 years people with still bet getting married. Lol

[Tracker1958]

Attitude and entitlement make it close to impossible to be around you. You never hear men saying we are entitled to anything. Men want one thing above any else, a peaceful life. Drama will drive men away very fast. You women live and breathe drama.

[Asker]

@Tracker1958 I’m going to unfollow you. It’s obvious you have a lot of hatred for women. Also, if it makes you feel any better, I wish I was dead.

[Tracker1958]

Why would you say that? Nothing is that bad. Firstly no one can give you good advice with so little information to work with. Why are you a 30 year old virgin? Is it a medical issue? Is it a preference? Why have you never went on a date? We need more information to give you good advice. It's like going to a DR but not telling him your symptoms. I know it's none of our business, so we can only give swallow answers. Is it a mental issue or a physical illness? Just saying toxic and red flags doesn't mean anything. Every one has those.

[Asker]

I don’t want to talk to you anymore.

[Tracker1958]

No problem, have a nice day.

[suzzieQ]

@Tracker1958 actually I do hear men talk about being entitled to things all the time

[BlueScorpio]

@Tracker1958 That's silly, you don't have to make marriage illegal just cause you don't want to do it yourself lol just don't do it and you'll be fine.

[Tina19]

I don't want to be someone's slave that they order me to do things according to their wish hence i see myself single forever too and i don't consider it anything close to bad for not living my life on terms of my partner

[kevypatyy7]

It's really bad but you will be hype, so later on u will feel the need to be with someone
And I don't forget why you are on earth, to find your soul mate.

[Asker]

I thought it was to live life to the fullest.

[kevypatyy7]

😆😆that too but God said go fill the world
And I don't want to have a family, a happy family full of laughter and togetherness

[melanieeeB]

I don't find it bad to say I wanna stay single for a few years but forever is a long time and kinda sounds like depression/depressiv

[insteadfew]

Exactly 💯 forever is looong and really depressing to even imagine

[anon1903]

I don't think so. Everyone's got different priorities, and kudos if you know yours.

What are these red flags you speak of? How toxic are you? Just curious.

[Berethor]

So you alone out of altruism? okay, did you thought about joining a monastery?

[Asker]

Dude, would you shut up about that? And no, I haven’t and I’m not going to either 🙄

[Faith18letsgo]

No I think it’s good to know yourself and not need a romantic interest.

[Price511]

Not really, just do whatever makes you happy. If being single makes you happier, then do it :)

[DaisyM23]

at least you're self-aware haha, just do you and be happy

[suzzieQ]

Not at all. Wanting to be single isn't any worse or better than wanting to be in a relationship.

[ArrowheadSW]

Getting married certainly isn't for everyone. It is OK to think that way.