My boyfriend wants a 'traditional' relationship but he doesn't want to play his part?

[victoriaxoxo]

I want a modern relationship where we share everything 50:50, as we have done so far, but he has previously implied that he wants a traditional set up. Whilst I'm mostly against this because:

1. I loveee my job

2. I don't want or like kids

However, I keep an open mind and I know relationships are all about compromise. We're supposed to function as a unit and all that. So we explored the idea of a traditional relationship where I cook/clean and have/raise kids. Whilst he likes the idea of that, he doesn't want to contribute anything financially. He is the type of person to ask me to Venmo him 4.99 he paid for my latte so it's very hard for me to see how we could have a traditional relationship. He doesn't want to help with bills because we're not living together yet, even if it's like 20% of my bills. He doesn't want to pay for dates or anything for me, even though I'm extremely low maintenance. If we live together he doesn't want to give me 1/2 of the house for me and the kids to live in, he wants the house to be just for him, and I just do housework/raise kids for free. How do I make him understand that that's simply unfair and not very traditional at all?

P. S. my current salary is x5 his so even more reason to detest

[Datboi65]

This is just not gonna work since the two of you are just SOOOOOO different.

My number one criteria when I look for a partner is similar values because it just makes life so much easier. Obviously you two did not vet each other well enough, gotten comfortable to a point where you actually care enough about each other to compromise on a matter that has been dividing America for the last 50 years. There's only one problem here, you cannot compromise having kids. You either DO want them, or you DON'T want them. If you have 1 kid, you still had a kid and now you have to take care of a whole human that needs food, caring and attention to grow. If you don't have them, then he won't experience what it's like to be a father and he would either have to settle for that, or look for it in another woman.

I'm gonna give you the best advice I can give someone in your place. Break up and let this man get with a woman who likes his view on the world and wants to give him a child, while you focus on your aspirations and find someone who wants a modern relationship and doesn't want kids. You may not like it now, but you will thank me later in a few years.

As for him, if he wants the benefits of a traditional relationship without the responsibility, he might find out the hard way if he doesn't do his part, because traditional women tend to have strict fathers who don't mess around when it comes protecting their daughters.

[Adam1978]

You don't get it if you earn 5 times his salary then you should pay 5/6 of the shared bills. Not 50/50. Why should he pay for dates or your bills when you got so much more than him. Raising kids is a shared task, cooking is a small job compared to traditional men household work that involves maintaining the home and any land that belongs to it. As the major bread winner you should expect to be the one paying for stuff since money will flow in the direction of need. Ie he can't keep your standards of living so you will be the one paying for it covering the whole family. So if you want a traditional relationship it will cost you, not him.

[victoriaxoxo]

I am actually extremely fine with paying most of the bills as soon as he does the housework. This was the set up in my previous relationship. I also do all the DIY and maintenance work. I have much more experience with that so no problem at all! However, he doesn't want it that way. 50:50 is also not good for him. He wants the traditional way with me cooking and cleaning and raising kids but he just doesn't want to pay.

[Adam1978]

If he still work full time, he should not do all the house work. It's all about work hours there. And if he wants traditional he wants the split be which type of task it is. Not 50/50 of each type.

[Agape93]

Yeah... don't do that. Don't betray your values, your future, your wants and hopes, and your damn good pay, just to satisfy his half baked desire he won't even hold himself to. That would be exceedingly foolish of you.

[LazerBean]

He's delusional and the relationship is going to be a dead end.

[misogynistic_pig]

Cooking, cleaning and raising children is not work, if you only cook and the man works that would not be a 50/50 relationship.

[victoriaxoxo]

Why not? Having kids and raising them and cooking and cleaning take the same amount of time if done properly than working full time. I work full time so I can make a good judgement.

[UniquelyBasic]

Yeah a person can't ask for their partner to be traditional while they aren't willing to be that as well.

[Shamalien]

If he wants a traditional relationship he’s gotta man the fuck up and lead it. That means making more money than you

[victoriaxoxo]

Tbh I just want things to be 50:50 but he doesn't seem to want that either

[FinalFantasyBro]

It seems like you two isn't going to last considering the both of you want two different relationships.

[Brando10222]

It's probably gonna end cause you didn't talk about basic things but got into a relationship without thinking much.

[Anonymous]

Dude boyfriend come n go.
Don't compromise career for boyfriend.

[In_Trance]

You don't. you need to recognize the fact that you have mismatched values

[Bklynbadboy12]

Listen your boyfriend seems very selfish you might want to rethink being with him

[swettannie]

sound complicated

[Jerre]

Think I would find a new boyfriend

[Ms_Facesitter]

He's not your guy.