He doesn't want to ruin the relationship, how to win him over?

[Anonymous]

So this guy and I have been talking over the break. Were really into one another, we write letters and songs for eachother and we've always been so close. I told him I liked him on the break and he replied with the above.

Two weeks later, I notice he likes someone else. I address the situation and he tells me this:

(Btw, the last bit says "ive even cut down on my language. You make me a better person everyday and for that I have to sincerely thank you. you're my #1") (last time we fought, he said his dad who passed away is his #1 so its meaningful that he said this.)

I want to be with him. I dont care how scared he is of losing me. He wouldn't in a million years. The only way he could lose me is by doing this actually...

My question is this: how can I win him back? What can I say or do to make him want to be with me and not be afraid of losing me? What can I do to finally be with him?

Updates

+1 y

Any help would mean the world to me

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the help everyone!

[HopelessWasteOfSpace]

If your connection is that strong then he's not over you! I can tell you that. And if you truly love him then fight for him! Tell him how much he means to you and that the relationship will work! Convince yourself that he's the one and only bc that's what it sounds like!! Fight for what you believe in!! Fight for your him!!!

[Asker]

I already believe he is the love of my life. No over exaggeration. He wrote a letter to me yesterday telling me about how much he cares about me and why and ugh. he's such a beautiful person it was five pages long. I want to fight for him but I'm scared no matter what I do it will end terribly

[CupcakeKiller]

You're playing second fiddle to some other kid.

I say nay.

[Asker]

May you please explain?

[CupcakeKiller]

Especially at your age, hanging on to a dude or girl that isn't sure what or who they want is just setting yourself up for hurt. To be frank, the naivety and immaturity is pretty obvious just through the ton of the text messages. That leads me to believe that you're not in a place to be dating numerous people or dating someone who is dating numerous people. I think you should just let it go before you get hurt.

[Asker]

he's the one that was texting me numerous times.

What happened is, were super close. We've grown to be best friends. He admitted he has strong feelings for me and when we are both ready we should date (because im older than him and were in high school so its kinda awkward to date rn.)
His friend told him to get over me when they were talking about how much he liked me because the relationship could end like his past ones and he'd lose me. He explained he had to force himself to try to get over me because Im his #1 and he never wants to risk losing me. All of those paragraphs summarized to that.
he's talking to a girl kind of to get over me bc he is willing to risk losing her if it ends badly.

[CupcakeKiller]

Still sounds messy, I'd bow out.

[Asker]

He isn't dating numerous people, he actually isn't dating anyone at all at the moment. I just know i wanna be with him and he wants to be with me but he's too scared to start anything

[CupcakeKiller]

Okay then here's what you do. Be blunt, what you just said to me? Say it to him. Tell him you don't want him to date other people. If he's cool with it then awesome. If not, he's playing.

[Asker]

Thank you for your help! I just hope it will all end in my favor

[kraken602]

ok before I start remember this is my opinion and not a fact cause I don't know the guy. but from what you posted. it's a bunch of b. s. you can't win him back I you didn't have him. in the text messages it says he is in a relationship. he's just stringing you along til or if the relationship ends.

[Asker]

he's not in a relationship. He likes her, but he doesn't know if he's gonna date her.

[kraken602]

so basically he is saying he doesn't know who to choose?

[Asker]

Nope, he's saying he cares and loves me so much. But his friend made him realise if he dates me there's a chance the relationship could go wrong. he's really scared of risking the chance of losing me. he's not scared of losing the other girl if he dated her (he told me)

[kraken602]

do you guys me, around like, sexually

[Asker]

No like we've flirted, but never sexually. The most sexual we have gotten would be when he asked "what's the baddest thing you've ever done?" Like months ago and when I said I've never even kissed anyone and sorry to disappoint he said it wasn't a disappointment. He also asked "what would you do if I kissed you?" And when I answered I asked him the same and he said "I'd let it be" in a flirty way

[kraken602]

oh. seems ok. I guess.

[Asker]

Do you know how I can win him over?

[kraken602]

tell him that you dont want to be friends anymore and want some exclusive

[Asker]

Well I do wanna be his friend. I want to be in his life somehow. But I don't know, I just know he is the love of my life, no over exaggeration. And he loves me... Just so much he doesn't wanna lose me. He might get upset if I say I dont WANNA be friends BC I told him I'd never leave him

[kraken602]

yea that you want a boyfriend girlfriend relationship

[Asker]

I told him I want to be with him one day and I would never leave him and it never worked before

[kraken602]

maybe you just have to kiss him. I don't know. did you tell him in person

[Asker]

Maybe I do. I haven't told him in person, whenever we talk deep its always online.

[kraken602]

do it in person.

[Asker]

That sounds like a good idea actually! I just dont know how I'd say it

[kraken602]

you dont have to that's what makes it mean so much. cause you are spilling your heart to him

[Asker]

Very true. I just am afraid he will reject me to my face

[kraken602]

then you'll know feature and it's part of life

[Asker]

Wow, this is the best advice I've gotten on gag in awhile. TheThe only time I might see him is at school though

[kraken602]

after school though.

[Asker]

I dont know if I'll be able to... I think best bet is at my school chapel at lunch, its a quiet room no one goes to

[kraken602]

no definitely after school.

[Asker]

Where would be the ideal place? I've never done this before

[kraken602]

your bedroom

[Asker]

Haha I've never invited him over. Then he'd have to meet my family and everything and I don't know if I'm prepared for my family to ask about him

[kraken602]

just a joke. just somewhere real quick

[Asker]

so what am I telling him exactly... That I love him? Like him?

[kraken602]

like

[Asker]

I'll try it, thanks so much for all of your advice!!