I am so freaking sad, my heart is aching?

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone. my ex boyfriend and i were together for 8 years. i loved him with my whole heart till little by little he mentally abused me with his words and i found out he followed a bunch of bikini girls, liked their pictures and DMed a handful telling them they are pretty, gorgeous or beautiful. it really broke my heart. he also has a huge drinking problem and i’ve waited so long for him to change and he never did. a few days ago he went to jail for his drinking problem bc a few guys got into a huge fight and he was involved. he called me the day it happened and told me he would never do it again. that he’s done going over that house to drink and he’s going to control his drinking. my heart aches bc i don’t know if i should trust him or not. i still have lots of anger towards him and i can’t seem to let the past go. he’s tired of it and so i am. all we have done since October is argue. i can’t deal with it anymore. i’ve stayed for such a long time bc i was waiting for him to change, but I don't know if he will. we also don’t do anything fun, we don’t go out on dates, we don’t go out on adventures, all we do is stay at his house and not do anything, we will go up to his room and not even talk. we will be on our phones watching youtube or netflix. i’m so bored. but i am also so sad. i’m 31 years old and i feel like i’ve wasted so much time with him and i feel like i won’t have much time to have another boyfriend and have kids 😩 even though i hate my ex boyfriend, i truly am sad that i won’t be able to see him be the best man i know he can be. we are better without each other. all i ever wanted was to be happy with him though. aside from everything, he truly is a good guy. he helps everyone in need, he’s nice when he’s sober. i’m so sad and heart broken. I don't know what to do

[surebruh]

I'm sorry for the situation. It is my experience that people don't change for the better and if they do it is that they realize themselves the improvement is necessary. When someone changes for another person it is often temporary, followed by resentment because that person "made them change" , not that they wanted too.

In my opinion, assuming you're not concerned for your safety then he is on extremely thin ice. Talk with him about the concerns you wrote here even if you already discussed them since October. If you don't see meaningful improvements in the near future (few weeks/months) then likely it will not get better. You mentioned your age and time lost which is something I think about to for my situation but the question you have to ask yourself is if he doesn't actually change, do you want 8 more years of the same old? What if you got pregnant in that time and he isn't present due to the drinking etc is it much different than being alone where you're not burdened by his BS?

Take a deep breath and think about it, don't be like me running around like a drama king making the situation worse D:

[Static_In_The_Attic]

In life if you never try you will never know & whether you are in a relationship for eight days, eight weeks or eight years people do chance & unfortunately your boyfriend changed for the worse. As for your boyfriend he has a drinking problem & deep deep down if you still love him maybe you can help him get in a program & if he is beyond your help the only way to move is forward with your life.

[Guy13]

Sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

I Assume he was the one who asked you out