Does everyone need love and romance to be happy?

[Avcfhcic]

A hole in my life is a partner. I just want to care for someone and make them feel special, and I feel like I need that to become happy. Right now I hate myself and my life because it's very lonely and I hate that at 22 (profile wrong) I've got myself into a hole where I don't see it happening and of course that effects my confidence.
Anyway, do you believe everyone needs to have love in their life to be happy?

[Rosexøxø]

I don’t believe in this ideology.

I did, when I was letting my emotions lead me.

You just need more time enjoying life and helping better other people’s life if you have that opportunity and chance.

If we die and finish life and are graded somehow- we won’t receive a failing grade for not having had a partner or loving one person in an ideal sense.

You want to give someone or something your love, affections, and effort? And you can do that by freely offering that to everyone.

Hugging friends and family. Patting the shoulder of some stranger crying in public.

Offering a smile to someone in passing.

Helping a younger person with their work or study for something they have coming up.

Helping the elderly do their groceries or cross the street.

Adopting a puppy who was going to be put down, otherwise.

You can love just about anyone and anything because no one is standing in your way saying that you can’t.

The world isn’t empty. It’s full of live, breathing, people..

and you’re a part of that.

Eventually you’ll be able to find the person right for you and who will reciprocate a deep kind of love that maybe most don’t on the regular.

You won’t see that by withholding your love though, or the kindness that comes from the feeling of love.

You see it the more that you love.

You can either love on end, and let that be who you are, or don’t throw yourself out there and keep an eye out for that special someone.

Or you can even try finding a balance.

I never had anyone love me like how I had always hoped. Being someone’s favorite person… truly.

I have nice people all around me..

so what do I do with that situation?

I’ll tell you what I do and what I don’t do-

I DON’T take their kind gestures and interactions for granted. I don’t take my interaction/ engagement with them for granted because we only live once on this earth- possibly.

I do appreciate them, and I still hold on to that vision and Standard of love.

I can never just ‘drop’ that. I’ll always hold that forever.

And if any day feels tough for me. I spend that day loving myself in that definition of love that I yearn for and wish to express to someone who would recognize that, and appreciate that.

Always remembering that.

In the mean time- you look for one ☝️ person..

but you have 8 billion all around you…

Chin up King 👑 It’s going to be a good year as long as you say that and live it up, appreciating what you have ALWAYS, while expecting greater.

Best to you.

Don’t beat yourself up. Love yourself. 🙏🤝

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I can understand that desire to want someone in your life, to have someone love and care for you as much as you care for them. So often we assume that kind of love can only come from romance but the reality is it can come from any kind of love. Societally speaking, we put romance on this huge pedestal. As if romantic love is the end-all, be-all of human happiness. You can never truly be happy unless you know love, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, going without love is like going without food, etc. But I don't think we really NEED it to be happy. Romantic love isn't the only kind of love that exists. There's also familial love, platonic love, self-love, all of these forms of love are just as valid but for some reason, they're always pushed aside in favor of romantic love because of this pedestal.

Maybe I'm speaking from a place of bias as a person that identified as asexual and aromantic so I don't really date or even have sexual connections with people, but I'm also very happy not having those things in my life. Learning to love yourself and what you have is undoubtedly a difficult journey when you're starting from a place where you hate yourself for not meeting the same milestones as everyone else, but it's possible and you're much better off for it. Being alone isn't a death sentence, nor is it some kind of torture, it's just learning to be okay with yourself as you are. And I do remember that among the different kinds of love, the greeks said self-love was among the most divine.

[Avcfhcic]

Such a well thought out answer!
Appreciate the effort.
I definitely want to know want relationship love feels like

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I can understand that, but you can't force chemistry with someone else. What's that old adage? Love is patient, love is kind? That applies to all kinds of love so while I can understand being upset at not being able to have a relationship right now, it will come in time. You're 22, you're still young and you've still got a very viable dating pool available to you, but don't go valuing yourself as a person or as a man based on whether or not you can get dates. That's a very dangerous thing for men to do as that can just drive them into a depression as they get rejected.

[Avcfhcic]

Yeah it has went into that stage because I'm the odd one out, all my friends have girlfriends and relationships and I just wonder why me?
I'm happy for them but why can't I join the elite group.
You really will do well on this site! You're very insightful

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

lol thank you, but ultimately your focus should be on you. Romance, especially for heterosexual men, is given such a high priority socially that it makes you feel like shit for not having that thing even if it's just because you're not really looking for it that hard. I promise you, you're fine on your own, and often times when you get to a place where you're perfectly happy being alone and you're content with your life as a single man, that's when you find women who are interested in you. Become a whole person before you go seeking another half, that's the best advice I can give you.

[Avcfhcic]

It is a social standard these days I agree.
I am trying , and will continue to do so because it's what I want in my life.
Thank you for all your responses and insight, wish you well 🥰

[TheVigilantFox]

Reading this and your replies you say “I hate myself and my life” you have to ask yourself why? Why do you hate yourself? Why do you hate your life?


Why do you “need” to make someone happy other than yourself?


I think that before you get in a relationship you need to address your own problems first or the relationship will fail, believe me I know,


You may feel happy caring and loving someone else but you are hiding your own problems which will come out in the wrong way in a relationship they might think you’re weird or to clingy, I’d first sort out your own issues then focus on being with someone.

[Avcfhcic]

I hate how I look, how I regret stuff, how I spend my time sitting in my room gaming when I don't enjoy it, how I can't find someone.

I feel like I need someone to relight a fire in me. To kick start my road back to liking myself from them Liking me, I know it sounds stupid but it's all I want in my life. To love

[TheVigilantFox]

Why do you hate how you look? What’s the point in regretting things that have passed and gone? It won’t help your future, you can only learn from your past you cannot change it, why do you sit in your room gaming if you don’t enjoy it? Why not find another hobby to enjoy? Why not take a walk for an hour or so a day?

You can’t put all your happiness into people or things as it will not help you in the end, if you put all your happiness into someone you will be bitterly disappointed as people will leave or hurt you and you will end up more miserable than you were before.

You need to address these things you have mentioned in your life before inviting others in.

[Avcfhcic]

I just hate my face shape, my hair line, forehead size, lack of beard.
I'm a very reflective person so I have a memory of things and instances where I should have but didn't.
I did play football until it killed me mentally, and I had a health scare so stopped and haven't wanted to go back. I have friends on gaming but want to do things with them (but they have girlfriends) hence I want a girlfriend.

I struggle because my personality is putting others first and ensuring everyone is ok! Just how I am

[TheVigilantFox]

I’m sorry to hear that football wasn’t helping you, as for your features there’s nothing much we can do about them, everyone has body insecurities I do as well, we all regret the things we wished we had done differently, I wish I’d done things differently but unfortunately you can’t go back and change the outcome so you just have to learn to live with it and move on,

You shouldn’t put others first as it shows them that you come last, you need to put yourself first as you are more important.

[Avcfhcic]

It's a trick of my job, pharmacist. I care for those around me and often is me that suffers.
I will try to be more selfish in my own life because ultimately it's me that has to do something about it.
Cheers bro, really good chat, you're very knowledgeable and helpful

[TheVigilantFox]

That’s ok mate, and good luck.

[OlderAndWiser]

i feel that my life is incomplete wthout having a romantic partner, BUT. . . I can be at peace and feel satisfied when I am not in a relationship. You are 22 years old, not 122 years old. You have lots of time to do somethng with your life, but having another 100 years won't make a difference unless you take responsibility for what happens - and what doesn't happen - in your life. What are YOU doing to make your dating life improve?

[Avcfhcic]

Well after a hiatus, I'm on tinder and bumble again giving that a go. I can't do much else really except put myself out there

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you feel confident in your dating skills?

[katestar]

are you talking to me?

[Avcfhcic]

With my record, not at all.
I didn't get matches the last time so this time I'm hoping that changes.
I think I say I'm worse than I am, I just won't know till it happens really

[OlderAndWiser]

@katestar Not at all. . . and not sure why you would even think that.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you considered a dating coach? Perhaps @coachTanthony can help?

[Avcfhcic]

Well I need to start before I see the need of a coach, but appreciate the thought

[OlderAndWiser]

No, that is a misconception!

[coachTanthony]

@OlderAndWiser her to help. @Avcfhcic I have a book that might help.

[katestar]

i think that we're facing a problem

[Guy13]

We need the Love of God and relationship to be happy.

[Anonymous]

I feel a similar way so yes I think that a romantic connection is something most of us desire (unless you’re asexual or something) but it’s not like I feel incomplete without it, and I definitely think you can be happy without it,
but it’s more like I’m looking from the outside in and wanting something that would bring me unprecedented joy and warmth and make me feel less lonely I don't know I can’t really explain it. I’m speaking from the perspective of someone who’s never been ina. relationship though.

[Avcfhcic]

I hope you experience that one day !! 🥰

[Splithead]

It is a great part of life that should be experienced. But if you think it will make you happy, you're putting too much on it.

It will make you feel everything more. The whole range of emotions. It will make you grow past what you allow yourself to feel alone.

Each partner will shine a light on you from a different angle and show you parts of yourself, good and bad, that you didn't know about.

Everyone needs love and romance to grow.

Happiness, sadness and all the other emotions are part of that growth.

[iNeedAdvicePlss]

I mean when I am without a partner I am able to be happy just as easily, I don't need someone in particular to care of me or for me to take care of, I have my friends and family for that. However when I do find a partner, they typically don't feel as if they are filling a place in my life but adding a new one. They are great and I will cherish them with all my heart but I don't need them. There is a huge difference. I want them, I want them to stay, I want them to love me, and I want them to feel safe with me, but I don't need them to stay, or need them to love me, or for them to feel safe with me. Those are all things that I want. And if they leave, that space isn't vacant, it feels more like it has dissolved.

[Screenwriter]

The one romance and love EVERYONE needs is to love and care for THEMSELF. You can CARE for someone and do special things for them that they enjoy. However, unless a person LOVES THEMSELF, they'll never feel special no matter what or how much you do for them.

So to base your happiness on having and doing for someone else is a situation where you might end up frustrated and disappointed. You are only 22. Work on loving yourself where you are and how you're living. Everyone is lonely at one time or another. But developing the skills to be able to enjoy whatever time you have: By yourself, with a partner, with friends or family, is your gift to yourself.

If you can't seem to achieve this alone, work through it with a counselor or life coach. Don't WAIT to start your life sometime in the future. Live now! Good luck.

[Haha456]

you need romance to make you happy because you weren't loved enough as a child. you don't feel worthy, so you constantly need someone to prove to you that you are worthy. And often times what happens is that you are SOO desperate that you end up dating the wrong people and relationships just never work out.

[Avcfhcic]

That is what I worry about. Will my desperation make me drop my standards and just go with someone I'm not truly into. And I never want to play with a girl like that

[Haha456]

this is why parents need to love their children to the utmost.

[katestar]

my parents loved me as a child. all i really need is romance. a romance with the guy i grew up with.

[Avcfhcic]

My parents do love me, I failed myself

[katestar]

i agree with you.

[Haha456]

@Avcfhcic

they loved you. just not enough

[Avcfhcic]

This question was more aimed at relationship love and loving someone on that level rather than in general

[Haha456]

@Avcfhcic

I'm telling you that you are desperation comes from self inadequacy. Self inadequacy comes from not being loved enough

[Haha456]

I'm telling you that you are desperation comes from self inadequacy. Self inadequacy comes from not being loved enough as children

[Haha456]

I'm telling you that your desperation comes from self inadequacy. Self inadequacy comes from not being loved enough

[katestar]

my mom loved me

[Lusciousphilippa28]

22 is quite young to be speaking in those terms. What have you done in 22 years to believe you at a dead end?

Right now, is the time to build in order to provide something amazing for your future significant. It's not all about you. People talk about wanting someone make them happy, but would you make them happy? What are you offering them? What you want from someone, is it reflected in your own life... mirror what you desire...❤

[Avcfhcic]

I just try chatting with girls and dating apps with no joy. I don't see why girls would find me attractive, but I am a good person behind the looks. So I just feel like I won't get a chance.
I feel like I could make a girl happy, because that's my goal. I would be a simp probably. I'm offering them loyalty, honesty and security. I want to share cute moments together, cuddle up watching movies, go on night drives and fun.

[Lusciousphilippa28]

Would you mind PM-ingm

[Avcfhcic]

You need to follow me to allow that

[Lusciousphilippa28]

Such a good video: youtu. be/nnU3zaqhWrQ

[KrakenAttackin]

No! Centering your happiness around being with a woman is a massive losing strategy. A woman can drive a men to the absolute pit of despair, up to and including suicide. Getting married triples a man's odds of killing himself. Think about that alone and stop dwelling on fucking women.

Build your own life, build your own happiness, that way when a woman comes into your life (and eventually tortures you), you have the best parts of your life to fall back on. Women do not being happiness, they feed off of your happiness and success. Women are parasitic by nature.

The sooner you realize this the happier you will be.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

People can't make you happy at least not long term.

Love is important in life if you can get from family members and friends etc but if you think romance and a relationship is going to make you happy then you are seriously mistaken because humans by nature are flawed and will disappoint you from time to time or maybe seriously hurt you in a way.

Love and happiness starts with yourself first then let naturally flow from others in your case a romantic/relationship which will contribute to your happiness.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not fatal I promise. I'm in my 40's, been single my entire life and I'm probably happier now then I've ever been. Wait till you hit 30's and 40's the friends you know that are married thier kids will start leaving the nest and thier marriages will start failing (I ain't hating anyone my age can attest that this happens frequently). Then your life will make complete sense to you because you've lived and enjoyed it with no upheaval. While those formerly married friends of yours will feel like they're 20 again just starting out. Except they aren't 20 anymore. Likely thier finances are a mess after the divorce to so likely they are considered bad stock to invest in by most of the aged, judgmental women now also trying to re-live thier youth.

Trust me man. Being single ain't that bad😆

[TenderFantasy]

Love yes. Romance? Eh...

Romance is great and all don't get me wrong. Also, you can get love from your parents (and siblings if they're the matured type). ... Think deeper, you may just be horny, hence you mistake it for being "lonely" lol. Then again, I don't really know you, you may truly long for companionship. That can happen with friends and family too you know. Just saying.

[D_Bone_Steak]

No and fuck no and just no. If you can't get happy by yourself, you're not going to make anyone happy. Slap yourself for asking this question... every man that is putting up with some bitches shit right now is looking at you and shaking their damn heads. How could you... fuck you.

[MichaelEspinoza]

Well here's my opinion on this , if you want love & Romance from another human being - Then you should absolutely be with that person. But just remember that the person who gives you love & romance will also want love & romance in return , so I see it a two way street if you the person gives love & romance Then other should expect the same in return. But human love is temporary - but only if you want eternal love go to Jesus 💖👑

[FilmGuy93]

Nah… healthy relationships are icing on the cake of an already happy life. It used to drive me crazy when people would tell me that you need to love yourself before you can love someone else, but it is so so true.

If you don’t love yourself before going into the relationship, you’re setting a bad precedent and dynamic for the relationship.

[Avcfhcic]

I don't know how to love myself though. I feel like it I get with a girl I can forget about my failings and focus on me and her and become happy that I'm with a girl.
Whenever I message girls I smile and am happy, but everyday life I'm not

[FilmGuy93]

You have to start being intentional and really thinking about why different things/situations made you feel the way they did. Because people can see through that fake stuff quite easily.

The only way you’re going love yourself and understand the value you could bring a woman is if you understand how to identify your’s and her emotional needs.

[GrantArmstrong]

Maybe not everyone but it sounds like you do. At 22 though you still have lots of time to make it happen. And although you need love to be fully happy, it isn't the only thing that makes you happy. Lean into the passions and interests you enjoy and try to meet people who enjoy them too.

[snowboarder720]

Love, yes. Romance, no. Love Canaan come from anyone. It’s mentally healthy to know that you are loved regardless from who. Romance isn’t a necessity to be happy and live a happy life.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Not necessarily. Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly happy with my wife and my children, but I would still be happy without them thanks to other things

[sunflower44]

Maybe not everyone but I definitely do,, I need to be loved 😏

[Avcfhcic]

I hope you find that x

[noohair]

What I have learned is that happiness is an internal emotion. Happiness lies within you. And any person that requires an intimate relationship to be happy will never find true happiness. One must love ones' self, in a healthy way, to seek happiness.

[Manuel2]

Nope but it helps. Also that love does not need to be sexial.
If fact, love before sex last longer than sex before love.
I once fell in love with a woman but had personal problems. But refused to make love to her.
She wanted to have sex with me but I wanted to marry her first.
She left me for men that fucked her first. But by my actions, and her behavior. I prove love is more important than sex. It now thinks she is not good enough for me