What should I do about my boyfriend who refuses to use shower gel to shower?

Question

We've been dating for 3m (he's my first boyfriend and I'm his first girlfriend) and I just found out a week ago that he showers with only water apparently every other day. That though doesn't wanna live my thoughts at all. He is 28 and he told me that he thought that only girls use shower gels. I was shocked by that statement. He also doesn't use shampoo (he said very very rarely but I don't think this is too bad) and only washes hands with soap after number 2 and before eating, otherwise he only uses water to wash hands. I told him that this is really bothering me, told him that this is a deal breaker for me on a same level he told me it would be a deal breaker if I got fat. He said that that's not the same, but it is to me. He didn't care because thats how he is and he lived like that his whole life, he sais that he's very clean and even more than most other man. I once cried in front of him that it bothers me and I feel like he didn't care that it pains me. I feel like he doesn't want to fight for me. I tried to talk about it to fix whats bothersome but he said that he is done with that conversation and it will be finished when I am. I never notised that he is stinky but after I found out I kinda do (I'm not sure if he's really or do I feel that way only because I know). But its really bad if I would never do any sex stuff with a boy that doesn't clean properly and I think if not for else this would kill this relationship. I don't know what to do because I don't think I would ever feel clean again if I were to live with him in the future but I really like him and I thought he was the one. He's out of country now for 2 weeks and I'm supposed to go live at his appartement for a week. I don't even know how to text him knowing that something isn't cool with me, he has crazy girl standards but why should I not have any. I don't wanna break up because of it but what else could I do?

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

You have only two choices. Stay or break up. There's no other choice.

However: the choice is already made for you. He's made that choice. He refuses to see that this is important to you and that his feelings about it are more important than you. In the same way you are unyielding -- you said so yourself; this is a deal breaker. I'm not judging, just stating what you told us. Both of you are not capable of being in a relationship with each other because you have this thing you cannot get past.

You need to end it and end it now.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Standard old school procedure is to explain that you don't want to be physical with him unless he's clean.
Discussion needs resolving before you move in with him.
He may update his procedure is he's serious about you. Depends if this is a hill for him to die on or he's just used to lazy abluting and needs encouragement.

Summeroflove · Answer

You can’t do anything other then express your opinion. You can’t make someone change. If it’s a big enough issue where you’re not happy. Then break up.

Avicenna · Answer

There are multiple issues here and I don’t think things will work out, sorry to say.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Girl stop being overdramatic and break up with the dude. He's crawling with bacteria and suffers from poor hygiene. Only God knows what his apartment smells like or what's it's actually like. You played yourself by staying with him after learning he doesn't clean himself. Hold yourself accountable for that.
Don't walk in a health hazard and wonder why you got sick or got a rash.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

You are ridiculous. Unless someone works hard in coal mining or a steel mill, what would he need shower gel for? It has long been known to cause or increase skin problems and allergies. I never use it. I only use a baby shampoo (free of allergens and perfume) for my hair.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Well, I got in the shower a number of times with my girlfriend and she never washed her hair! At least none of the times we showered together! She'd either tie it up on top of her head so it wouldn't get wet or she''d just wet it but never shampoo it.

LiamSawyer · Answer

I hate shower gel or body wash, it feels like it never rinses off but I do use Lever 2000 original to wash my body with and straight shampoo, not shsmpoo/conditioner for my hair.

Anonymous · Answer

Dump him post haste. Showering without soap and shampoo is weird, but only washing your hands after pooping is gross. Everyone should wash their hands with soap and water everytime they go to the bathroom. Be sure to make it clear why you are dumping him. He may not change his disgusting behavior, but at least you would have given him a reason to.

dustybiker · Answer

He’s not going to change. He shouldn’t have to. You either can live with him or end it and find someone new.

Sparkie460 · Answer

He's not going to change. You can try showering with him and put soap on him to see his reaction. It's not proper hygiene to showering without soap

Stevefiveo · Answer

Well, it sounds like you stated your case. It is totally not an unreasonable request. I don't think there is anything else you can do. He won't budge.

IHateBeingaMan · Answer

he had no girlfriend at all in his life until 28?

Anonymous · Answer

I assume he was the one who asked you out and hit on you

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

Gag is hilarious sometimes😂

Anonymous · Answer

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What should I do about my boyfriend who refuses to use shower gel to shower?

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