Why is the silent treatment so painful 😕?

[Anonymous]

[WonderBell99]

Is this silent treatment that you mention purely an online thing, or does he do it IRL as well? Honestly, when someone exhibits this type of behavior (i. e., ghost and come back), it is a tell-tale sign that you are dealing with a narcissist or a player.

This question might be a bit personal, but did you get intimate with him? If so, I'd suggest you to not mull over this as he is clearly using you for his sexual gratification. I assure you, any man worth your time will never play such childish mind games. Do you have romantic feelings for him or is it platonic? I dealt with a guy like this once and the BEST way to make this stop is to cut them off completely.

He either came across those godawful YouTube videos on the "best" ways to win over a girl and was naive enough to believe/follow them OR he is just a manipulative assholes who gets an adrenaline rush by playing with your feelings.

My perspective? Mirror his behavior and cut him off.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for you comment

I know him in real life. I sort with him. We became friends and I developed feelings for him. over time, he stared playing mind games and gives me the silent treatment. I did confront him but said it was all in my mind. Which it's not. There's a pattern to his behavior.

We have kissed but that's all. He keeps blowing hot and hold. I feel I'm on an elastic band the way he pushes me out his life then pulls me back in. It's so hurtful.

How should I deal with him at work?

[WonderBell99]

Does he start talking to you when you distance yourself from him? Before I posted this comment, I rain through all the possibilities in my head, and I did feel like he could have mixed feelings about you... BUT now? I am confident enough to claim that he is a red flagged ass player that you should stay away from. The fact that he started playing mind games with you should be a reason enough to nope out of this weird codependent situationship that he is trying to establish.

Guys like him are not even worth a one-night stand let alone a relationship. Take this as a lesson though. With every relationship (even friendships) comes experience and a lesson. You will learn to recognize these patterns earlier as time goes on. As for dealing with him at work, do NOT initiate contact with him. In a few days, he will try to talk to you again, but you should stand your ground and not fall for his charade again. Cut him out of your life completely. Even if he is not manipulative, his behavior is not right, and this is not the type of guy you will be happy with in the long run.

[WonderBell99]

ran through*

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your insight and understanding. It's very helpful.

Sometimes he'll be friendly and flirty, then all of a sudden start ignoring me , but he'll still be friendly, chatty and flirty with other women in the office. When he behaves this way, i ignore him , i act as though he doesn't exist, but I'm still my normal self at dwork. Then he'll reach out by messaging me. It's as though he reels me back in when he thinks his silence doesn't bother me. Then when we are talking and friendly again, he pushes me back out by giving me the silent treatment.

[WonderBell99]

Yep, thought so! Ignore this guy and cut him off for the sake of your sanity. He doesn't deserve you.

[Agape93]

Silence makes you uncomfortable, as if you did something wrong

[Guy13]

I hate that too. Total disregard and like I’m not there. I dated someone like that who would do that, disappear for a full day evening, and I was staying mostly at her place then. I stopped going (outside key hid) after the first disappearing act for two days. All I got on text was a 🤬 like 5 days no contact. I’ll never forget that gut, heart, and gasp. I hope yours isn’t so heartless. Third time that sort of thing happened I got out. Sorry, didn’t mean to dump on you.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing.

It's so painful. It's become a pattern of behavior now. Where he'll give me the silent treatment for days or even a week. Then act like it's never happened. I am left confused not knowing why he wasn't speaking to me. It's so hurtful 😕

[red324]

Dated a girl that would do do. Everytime I arranged a date she would go silent the day before when inwas trying to workout last minute details. Little narcissist was what she was. Honestly I don't think she does anything with guys. I think she's afraid to. I tried but there's no rubber left on these spinning tires.

[SnowedIn]

Because humans need other humans to speak to them. That's normal for just "regular" relationships. It hurts exponentially more if it's someone we care about because not only are we not having the need met, we're literally rejected by the person we want the words from.

[Asker]

This guy friend keeps giving me the silent treatment. There's seems to be a pattern to his behavior. It hurts a lot. I don't know how to deal either it, because I also work with him.

[SnowedIn]

I'm really sorry. That sucks. You said there seems to be a pattern. I'd suggest monitor the pattern and that may give you a clue to understanding it. Or... if there is ever a time when you don't get the silent treatment, ask him directly. Another solution is completely ignore him. No words. No looks. No nothing. It is possible that he may say, huh? And you have an opening to address his behavior.

[Asker]

I once mentioned it to him but he just disregarded it like it was a in my mind. But it's really not. It's so hurtful.

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[malwins]

Yeah!

[Anonymous]

Becuae it denies ones existence. I let it be known in the beginning of all relationships, that should she choose to use the childish idiotic manipulative tactic that is the silent treatment, that it is over in an instant.. Same with withholding sex or affection as punishment.

[Opinion Owner]

Jeez autocorrect failure.. Because... Not what ever the heck that was..

[Asker]

I didn't notice the typo 😂

I'm going through this now. It seems to be a pattern of behavior. I'd rather he was verbally abusive than gove me the silent treatment. It's so painful when I've done nothing wrong

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly the silent treatment is a form of abuse. It's psychological abuse.. I'm so sorry you're going through that. If I were in your shoes I'd simply leave.

[Asker]

I also work with him. It's so unbearable. He's friendly and chatty to everyone in the office. Even with people he dislikes. No one is aware what he is doing except for me. I just don't know how to deal with it at work

[Opinion Owner]

I would go to HR about it.

[Fuentes]

It's not I hate to be bothered I can go forever

[Anonymous]

no closure leaves your mind wandering in the deepest darkest thoughts.

[Anonymous]

because she caused to much pain and i need time to heal

[aaron210419]

Because it's childish

[Preeti161101]

It is because it pressurise you internal

[dustybiker]

It’s effective.

[sirderpsalot123]

@dustybiker 😫🥺

[dustybiker]

You told her false mean things about me. 😑

[sirderpsalot123]

I was just being a goof 😞

[dustybiker]

@sirderpsalot123 And you made it impossible to stay pissed. 🤗

[sirderpsalot123]

@dustybiker 😎😎😎😎

🤗

[Blackcupcake]

because it’s mental