She thinks I betrayed her, I did not. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, I hope enough people have the time to provide advice and different perspectives. I will try to make this short. I came to the US in September 2022 to study as a foreign student. Before coming I had broken up with my ex girlfriend on January. In the US I met a girl, became really close friends and eventually we dated for a couple of months during the study program. In the end, we had our differences as a couple, we decided to just be friends, and continued to be really close. In December I went back to my home country. My ex wanted to see me, we met and regretfully ended up getting back together through the span of the month. In New Year's eve she grabbed my phone and publised a photo of us from my IG and then added a comment implying "5 years together". We had a huge argument but I failed to do the right thing and played into the game of "if you love me, you will leave it", so I did not delete it. I don't know why or how I fell into this cycle of control once again, but that is beside the point. Anyways, now my friend thinks I had a girlfriend during us dating, as well as the entire student community that I had in my IG. Most people won't say a thing, but there are back comments and people talking about what "I did" to this friend. It is embaracing because I am not that person. Anyways, she will not talk to me, and I am not about to explain to every single person. If I care about anyones opinion it is hers. I understan how painful and humiliating it must be for her to have everyone tell you about the publication. I wish I had deleted it, but I was weak. My ex knew what she was doing. Now I feel isolated, she can't even look at me understandably. Not looking for re affirmations or for anyone to make me feel better. Please be honest in your advice if you have any. I can't stop thinking about this issue, I wish there was a way to get a decent closure.

Thanks all.

[OlderAndWiser]

You have failed to take responsiblity for your actions and that is the most reprehesible aspect of this. You said, "It is embaracing because I am not that person." If you are not that person, then who did this? You. . . a part of you that you don't want to acknowledge.

Aside from that, all of this moves very quickly. You come to the US in September and by mid-December, you have dated this girl for two months and broken up. And then you reunite with your ex by the end of December. You need to have a serious talk with your dick and tell him to calm the fuck down!

You had already broken up wth the US girlfriend so why does it matter now what she thinks? You can control what others think and some people will have incorrect ideas about who you are. The only opinion that should matter in this case is your opinon of yourself. . . and it sounds like you aren't happy with what you've done. You shouldn't be happy.

At least you feel some remorse. You can't undo what has happened. From time to time, you will make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up as long as you learn from those mistakes and you use these lessons to make yourself become a better person. That is all that a man should expect of himself.

[Asker]

Thanks for the honesty and harsh truth. I do understand how I am responsible, and it is hard not to accept it, because I do, but to deal with it. What I mean with "I am not that kind of person" is that I did not have a girlfriend at the time we dated. That does not mean I am not responsible for what followed. I went into my exs game and fell right where I had managed to run away a year ago, which had very real consequences, other than me degrading myself for letting control me. In any case, I am out of that, and staying away for good. Thanks once again, true advice might be harsh sometimes but thats the only way to grow.

[OlderAndWiser]

Harsh but intended to be helpful. I'm glad you recognize that.

[Asker]

Thanks for taking the time, honestly this helped me better understand the feelings that I am going through, and a great part of it is that I feel guilt because I played a huge role in this, and I had the final decision to allow such post to be seen by our common social network or not. I must deal with this guilt, accept my role in this and make sure it does not happen again.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, that is all you can expect of yourself.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[Guy13]

There is no resolution here and that woman wrecked you Internationally. The friend will hear your name or see a picture of your face and Visualize "5 Years-Forever" Insta.

The best thing that can happen is people forget. I hope this has not destroyed your International network.

[Asker]

So, not really and yes. Whilst people treat me the same and hang out with me the same, I guess they may have after thoughts behind my back. Our friends in common had told me that it does not matter, that they understand the situation but to not try to engage with her, which I am must certainly doing. Anyways, yeah, her actions had real consequiences, but then again, I could have had deleted the post, and didn't, so that is on me.

[Guy13]

You are a thoughtful and caring woman. Some guy is going to love that Nature.

[Asker]

Is that sarcasm? :/ hahaha

[Guy13]

Yeah... I was hoping you were chilled, fun, and laid back. You got lots going for you.

[TheMoreMiffed]

These guys are really hard to understand. You don't know which one you like. This interest of girls has spoiled you. You are very old. It's an honor to be wanted dick. i think you should look for another chick, they both have problems

[Asker]

I honestly dont want a relationship, nor a hook up with any of them at this point. I know it was a mistake to re attermpt something with my ex, but I believed her when she came to me saying everything would be different. It was dumb because she conviced me in a week, so I am at fault there, and also I allowed her to invade my social media without consequence. In that regard, I broke it up with her and Im done for good. Now, with my friend who thinks I betrayed her, I cannot be with her even if I wanted to, this situation aside, we have very different beliefs relationship wise, so we are able to be good friends and care for each other, but nothing more. After a couple of comments here, I am beggining to understand that I feel remorse for having hurt her that way. I could have had deleted the post, and didn't, and allowed our common social circle to believe we were dating whilst I had a girlfriend back home. She must have had gone through a rough time I guess, although, she could simply ask me and be done with it. I am unable to clean the mess, and that creates a lot of stress for me. And even if she believed me, I can't imagine how ugly it must be to have people send you a screenshot of a picture implying that the guy you dated had a girlfriend all the time or asking about it. So, from what I gather, I should try to deal with how responsible I fell and let it be, can't change my past actions or innactions.

[bamesjond0069]

You're very weak man. I don't know how you even got two girls being this much of a wimp. Now everyone thinks you're a pos and they aren't wrong. Just not for the reason they think. Why not just delete the picture now though?

[Asker]

Oh I have deleted it at this point, but you know that does not mean consequences are deleted with it.