What do I do? My friend's boyfriend likes me and I like him?

[Anonymous]

Two years ago my friend introduced me to a new group of friends who she'd known for a long time. So I got to know this guy which a few months later was going to be her boyfriend. What I didn't know at that time was that they were dating before some years ago. So there I was, falling for this guy and telling my friend how much I liked him, cause I didn't have a clue about her feelings or her history with him. She started dating him anyway.

A few months into the relationship he texted me that he had these dreams about me. That's when we realized we really got the hots for one another. Ever since we feel super guilty but we just can't stop talking about it. I tried to ignore it as much as I could but every time I see him face to face it gets really bad again.

I mean nothing happened except for fantasties so far but I'm afraid that we can't keep it together forever. Neither one of us has been in this situation before. It's killing us because we don't want to hurt her.

Unfortunately, she is not really open regarding these kind of topics. If we tell her, she'll break up with the both of us...

Do you have any solutions? Thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I really appreciate it!

[SteveSmith1985]

Yea... the only reason I'm being as nice about this, as I'm being... is because you sound like a genuinely naive person, rather than a bad person.

The very first thing I did was to look back at how old you were. If you were like 14, then this would be acceptable.

As it is... what you're doing, in my oppinion, is one of the very worst things any person can possibly do.

You should feel guilty because what you're doing is really awful.

This girl thinks your her friend. Instead, what's really happening, is that you're pretending to be her friend, then turning around and beteraying her. Over and over and over.

You don't seem to appreciate what a shitty person you're being by acting the way you're acting.

If your friend found-out, and wanted to fuck-you-up... that would be totally totally justified. The whole world would understand why. You're being a fucking snake.

I am trying SO hard not to lose-my-shit on you right now. So forgive me if this seems disjointed.

But. Basically grow the fuck-up and start being loyal to your friends. This is inexcusable. It's (usually) unforgiveable. It's the actions of the very shittiest type of person. You need to stop.

You really don't have many options here. To me, you're a shitty person even if you stop this shit right now... unless you come-clean to your friend.

I know you're not going to do that. But you owe it to her. Otherwise... it's fucked up that you pretend to be friends with this girl BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU"VE ALREADY DONE.

The only thing you could possibly do to redeem yourself would be to literally throw yourself at your friend's feet, confess, and beg her forgiveness. Anything short of that, and it's too late to keep from being a shitty person.

If I were in your friends shoes, I would hate you as much as I've ever hated anyone. You've committed about the worst offence a person can commit BECAUSE YOU CLAIM TO BE A FRIEND.

This is fucked.

Stop talking to this fucking guy. And either apologize to your friend, or find new friends. Because this is not ok.

[Asker]

Hi,
firstly, I totally understand where you are coming from and your right. I should talk to her, fall on my knees and beg for forgiveness and I actually probably will. There's no other way to solve this huge mess we're already in.
But what you don't know is me. If I didn't care about her I would have already done other things with him except for talking. Anyway, it's unacceptable but we are human beings. Shit happens and feelings happen which you unfortunately can't always control or suppress. You should know that at your age. But I know it's no excuse for what already happend. I feel extremely guilty but I'm trying my best now to solve it. That's why I wrote this long text here.

I just wish she'd told me from the beginning that she was very much into him so that I could've kept myself from falling for him too.
You always need to consider both sides of the story.
But yeah it is what it is: bs.

[SteveSmith1985]

That's a whole shitload of excuses for someone who admits there's no excuse for your behavior.

There is no "other side" to this. It's black-and-white. Be loyal to those to whom you owe loyalty. Don't stab a friend in the back. Don't call someone your friend and act like a snake.

Your right we are all human.

You have to control your desires. it's part of living in a society. That's why it's, for example, not alright for a guy to go around raping women. He may have a desire to have sex with someone, but... everyone expects that desire to be kept under control. Because it would be harmful to someone else. SAME PRINCIPLE.

Do you think you're the first person to ever have feelings for their friend's boyfriend? Do you even think this is uncommon? Do you think that this is how most friends behave?

You're in denial of how fucking awful you are. This is pure excuses. If you do apologize to your friend. You better do a lot of thinking first. Because if you say any of the bullshit you just tried with me... with HER... she's gonna rip your fucking head-off. Excuses are worse than no attempt at an apology.

What I've learned by my age is: There seems to be "two broad categories" of people: Cheaters and decent people. It seems to be a character trait.

You should feel so much guiltier than you do. This is all bullshit excuses.

[Asker]

You really don't know how I feel and I will not try to convince you otherwise.

However, I appreciate your honesty and pray you won't have to deal with shitty people like me.

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm not even kidding: I DO pray I don't have to deal with shitty people who do shit like this.

I'm thinking more about how your betrayed friend feels. And you should too.

It sucks if your boyfriend is unfaithful behind your back. But finding out your boyfriend is unfaithful with someone you consider a friend? I would definitely still be serving out my prison sentence if I ever had "a friend" like you.

If you feel guilty. Stop making excuses are talking about "how you feel". How you feel is not what matters in this situation. I hope you do what's right.

[Guy13]

Tell your potential to break-up and then pursue you.

[Nikki1989]

You have to decide what is more important to you and run with it.

[In_Trance]

You get a friend or you get the D

Your choice

[Iron_Man]

Stay away