Did I push my girlfriend's boundaries to much?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend of a year became very distant and cold over two weeks. We went from texting every day to almost not hearing from her for week at a time. She blames her hectic work hours for she does field work for some parts of her job. I also work out of town for weeks at time.

When I got back she was cold in person and asked for her spare key back for her mom to use when she came for a visit. I found this even more odd. On top of this thier was no time for us to hangout she was busy.

Later she told me there was a problem with us but didn't want to talk about it. A few days passes with little to no communication. We have a date night and it doesn't start off well we have a conversation on something mut and as we're discussing it she says it's to intense for her. We go to another bar and have a few more drinks and she looks at me and goes well what should we do now it's getting late. So I say should we go back to my place or yours. She pulls back hard and says no and doesn't want sex with me, and that thiers is a problem with us but still doesn't want to tell me whats wrong. This surprises me as we have had a very abundant sex life with each other till now. She comments that sex is the only thing I care about. Which makes me very defensive as I have been at her side for the better part of the relationship being a supportive partner through her depression and trauma.

We go home separately after apologizing to each other. The next day she tells me that she felt I had pushed her boundaries by asking her what was the problem last night.. Later she tells me I had become a trigger in the past few weeks for her and she had been secretly dreading our next time we would be seeing each other. This completely surprised me as we had amazing communication before the last three weeks. Now she felt I wasn't listening to her and felt she was unheard and that had cause me to trigger her past trauma. I'm completely lost and confused by this and don't know what to do.

[WaterIsland]

She should have told you what was wrong. She can’t expect you to read her mind, or solve things if you don’t know what is wrong. Kinda immature by her.


Tho it doesn’t sound like suggesting having her come back to your place or going to her place was a good idea. Something was clearly wrong at this point, and you probably did push the boundaries too far there.


Sounds like you already apologized tho. I’d say the only thing you can do is tell her that you’re disappointed that she tells you something is wrong but won’t tell you what. Tell her you want to resolve it and care about her feelings.


Communication is important on both sides.

[Finchie40]

She is up to no good , and trying to play a victim , she is projecting her guilt on to you by trying to find flaws in you , Girls use this manipulation tactic on a man that she knows is good to her so she can justify her action and play a victim , it’s her way of checking out of the relationship, My advice to you is to go do your own thing and keep your distance from her , act like it doesn’t bother you and that it is her loss , Understand most girls are selfish and only really care about themselves , so by you walking away and doing your own thing is going to make her realize how much of a selfish person she is , if she tries chasing
You back put your foot down to her and tell her you aren’t going To be with a girl that treats me like a convenience

[Emiliamazing]

She may have hit a wall and realized the relationship isn't going where she had hoped. It sounds like there are a lot of uncontrollable factors involved with both of your jobs. I think she needs to tell you or find the words to describe what is bothering her. You know her better than all of us, so try to gently help her find the words if she allows the communication to do so. It might help if you explain to he what is bothering you right now. Sorry to hear about this.

[Asker]

It's definitely confusing as we had just moved closer to each other after being in a long distances relationship. So I guess I would be confused by her thinking that the relationship wasn't going where she wanted it.

[SnowedIn]

Your question is whether you pushed her boundaries too much. She defines the boundaries and she can change them. So, probably yeah.

Here's the thing: she sounds like drama and sounds like she needs help and she clearly doesn't want it from you (actually, sounds like she doesn't want help).

Let her go.