I’m very very stressed that I need to be very cautious in every words/actions that I do. Because im afraid it might lead my partner to leave me?

[Anonymous]

Pls anyone help, this is not due to my partner… it’s just that i’m afraid… because im so grateful of meeting my partner and i dont wanna waste this opportunity…

So everytime i feel like making a wrong action/words i’ll punish myself by hitting/scratching myself…

[quaranta]

That sounds like some very very heavy anxiety issue you have, probably you need therapy and/or meds to face such a strong problem because that is not "normal" and I don't think you can tackle this with just some advices to follow.
All we can say is pretty much granted: focus on the fact he chosen you over the others so he had a reason for that; focus on the fact you are a participant in the relationship too and that he may lose you too if he makes some mistakes; focus on the bond of trust and connection you have, and if you don't have one then you should work together to build it (otherwise it's doomed already); reason about what are the situations that make couples break most of the times and together with him improve about those aspects (most often they involve lack of communication skills during conflicts).
Also, if you have a problem in your relationship, it is his problem too. You have to work on this problem together, he has to support you and cooperate in the healing of it, or in healing the relationship itself if it is not entirely stemming from you.
But I doubt this is sufficient for your anxiety... It sounds like something rooted you have.
(All this, assuming your partner didn't break your trust, and provided enough elements to trust him fully. Do not de-responsibilize him.).

[Asker]

I’m also afraid of other people taking chances to snatch my partner, do u think this is also the same issue?
I dont trust anyone, i fear they want to take away my partner….

[quaranta]

There is no such thing as others "stealing your partner". You are in a relationship with your partner, so it's his responsibility to decline and turn off any proposal around. We are naturally subject of attempts and proposals but it's up to us to take decisions regarding pursuing them or not. Me and my partner do get flirty contacts time to time and we just decline them. If your partner pursues another woman, it means he is a cheater, not that he has been "stolen". He would have cheated anyway at some point, in that case. It's his responsibililty to be loyal to you and if a man is not a cheater, he just won't cheat.
So I think yeah you don't trust your partner at all, and I can't know if you have a concrete reason for that (maybe he is indeed not easy to trust) or if it's only a personal fear you would have with any partner. But, for sure a couple is based on mutual trust so you should work together on this aspect.

[Asker]

I’m also stressed that recently i’ve gone public on my relationship on social media…

Last time when i haven't gone public, every thing seems so peaceful.
Now that everyone knows about it, they keep asking me how do i get to know my partner, wants me to introduce my partner, wants to double date….

What should i do? I dont want this to create an opening of my relationship to get ruined….
I have a fear of losing my partner… i want every thing on my relationship to be safe… so that’s why i dont want to introduce my partner, it’s safer if its only both of us…

Because i know i have many flaws that makes me “weak” and anyone can easily snatch/disrupt my relationship.

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok this sounds serious. How long have you been feeling this way? Would you like to chat over DM? No pressure at all if you don't.

But this is extremely concerning. I... am going to send this and see if you want to continue on here or over DM. If I don't hear back from you, then I'll continue here shortly.

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok well, I'll continue a bit here then. It's hard to know exactly what to say without asking you a few things. Most importantly how long you've been feeling the way you're feeling? Did the feelings grow over time? Or was it more sudden?

What you're going through is not normal. You're going through something mentally/psychologically/emotionally which sounds extremely intense. That doesn't necessarily mean it's something "serious." But it is something accute.

The punishing yourself by self-harming is very very concerning.

Where is your partner in all of this. Surely he can see you're in distress? You're... not able to hide feeling this stresses from his notice are you? What does he think about how you're doing? Isn't he worried?

I hope I catch you tomorrow. I hope you're getting some sleep right now too. Goodnight.

[SteveSmith1985]

Sorry. I just realized I assumed your partner was a guy with no good reason to have assumed that. My apologies. Hope to talk to you tomorrow. 🙂

[Asker]

Hey man, it’s me the one who discussed how im stressed about making my relationship public…
That post got taken down….

Do u still mind talking here?

[Asker]

Do u still receive my notifications?

[SteveSmith1985]

I guess... although if they took it down... I assume it was probably for some reason man. You really do need to get help. I can help you to do that. But GAG is probably quite right here. It's not healthy or good to continue talking to you about this if it's going to be an endless circle that doesn't have an exit where you get yourself some real help.

I am not real help.

I am just a guy.

What you need is therapy man. THIS is what therapy IS! You know how you want to talk to me about your thoughts and feelings? THAT's therapy... except the person you're talking to actually is trained, and is able actually help you... not ONLY listen, but to help you too.

The last thing I wrote to you, was to explain how... with your mother and your friend both having urged you to do this... I am not 100% sure you are blowing this out-of-all-proportion exactly as much as I feared. There are no mitigating contextual factors here. This is just as bad a case of extreme anxiety as it appears.

So I would like to hear whether or not what I have pointed-out about you coming to see the people who care about you as "enemies" needs to be a turning point for you. This is affecting your thinking about your relationships (family and friends). I am hoping you're open to help. Because if not, then, no... I don't think we should continue talking about this. Then I feel like I'm "enabling" not "helping" you.

[Asker]

What kind of therapy tho?
I live in a small city

[SteveSmith1985]

The type of therapy you need is going to be for anxiety and depression. Specifically you need to be looking for therapy for anxiety. Now that can be through a psychiatrist, psychologist, or a therapist. In general, I think the most ideal would be a psychologist. However, if a psychologist is not practical (and it might very well not be. Could be long waiting lists, or be cost-prohibitive if you don't have health insurance... depending on where you live. Would you be comfortable saying the country you're in by the way?)

A therapist who deals with anxiety would be perfectly appropriate as well. There are also, online therapy (which I'll be honest with you... is so new that I'm unfamiliar with it. I've generally heard good things anecdotally, and I think if that's what makes sense to you, that would be perhaps ideal for you, actually. I know BetterHelp is a thing that offers online therapy. I don't know whether they exist in your country or not.)

But really, it comes down to starting with a google search. You're looking for help with anxiety. That's what it really comes down to. So google "help for anxiety (cityname)" or "therapist for anxiety (cityname)"

It's mostly the willingness on your part that's going to be the hurdle. Once you decide you're willing to look at getting help, I don't think you'll have much trouble FINDING help. In fact there are going to be more options than you think (I'd bet) even in your small city. Because I noted you did say "city." You would only likely have an actual problem accessing the help you need if you lived somewhere rural. But I suppose it depends on which country you're in. Would you mind saying which country you're in?

[Guy13]

You should see a counselor about your stress and anxiety levels.

[Asker]

No other advices besides that?

[Guy13]

Yeah, I have answered this question more than once. It is still here so apparently my first round did not work so you should seek professional help.

[ThomasDavid1989]

Then you're likely in the wrong relationship