You should love yourself first before trying to get into a relationship. agree or disagree?

[Still-alive]

I heard people say this. that you should really love yourself and who you are first before attempting to love another person. do you agree with this?

I strongly agree

agree

disagree

I strongly disagree

[Rosexøxø]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/fTfVKo5fDnU

so yeah… the struggle is REAL, lmfao 😂

Men and Women can both be obsessed and the obsessive behavior can flip two ways/ take two impressions:

- the first obsession, ☝️ is wanting to give all their love to that other somebody, and love everything about them- the “high energy” can scare others (if it’s not reciprocal or appreciated) and this form of love isn’t always for their best interest, anyway; it usually lacks reason-

I. e. stalkers/ unrealistic admirers.

- and the second obsession ✌️

is those (mostly women, but some men too), who want their lover to LOVEEEE them, and like a cat in heat who just rubs their body all over the place- like sit tf down! lol 😂 women and some guys can be seen doing similarly on the human-parallel plane.

I. e. “being clingy” in a relationship/friendship.

Don’t get me wrong, some clingy people just have a genuine fear of being alone? 🤷‍♀️ But a lot of the times, if it’s obsessive and with One ☝️ person, it’s because they want to be loved by that one person. Or group. Whichever way it goes.

Now I wholeheartedly believe in this statement/ philosophy/ideology/ mantra, but it just doesn’t work for the person, who’s a ‘Classic Narcissist.’

All else, and it definitely applies. 💯✅

[Rosexøxø]

Voted- agree

[Guardian45]

You raise some good points

[Rosexøxø]

@Guardian45 ty!

And yk to add on to my answer,

I think this saying can be truthful to ensure one’s own sanity and success, but a lot of times it’s just used as an excuse to cover up for the other person in the relationship who doesn’t give a lot, or as much effort.

So for example, if a person doesn’t feel loved by their “lover,” then they can take that extra time to love themselves so they don’t feel bad.

It’s kind of messed up… I think human expressive love can fall short because of lack of efforts and also being busy with the every day societal life and our OWN aspirations.

It almost seems as if love is impossible to obtain unless everyone can balance multitasking between passionate love, our own dreams and their own dreams, and the obstacles of life.

Only those who can see and/or would really want to love would make way for it, maybe even more naturally if it were done purely for the person’s lover.

I think what this saying is really mentioning down at the core is—

*we need to be happy with ourselves because when other people or our lovers fall short, we have to be okay with that (those human errors/ human short-comings), so that we don’t lose our minds and/or ruin our relationships.

[Rosexøxø]

I may have to make a my take on this 🤔 I’ll probably mostly just repeat this lmao

[melanieeeB]

I strongly agree and also with self love, comes self worth and respect and therefore setting healthy boundaries and demanding respect and choosing better people into your life, therefore getting less used and played or walked all over.
At least that's my experience lol

[Still-alive]

a useful skill i've learned is detecting narcissists more easily and making sure they aren't in your life lol

[melanieeeB]

Yeah that's a good one too

[coachTanthony]

You don't have to love yourself to be in a relationship. You do though have to at least like yourself enough not to hate yourself because that for sure will show to the other person and that is a huge turn off for most.

[Guardian45]

'Like oneself enough not to hate oneself'? Can you explain this?

[coachTanthony]

@Guardian45 Last thing you want to do is send out a vibe that you hate yourself. So the goal would be to find things about yourself that you do like or are proud of and on a daily basis use those as affirmations. Doing this consciously should override any hateful thoughts you have about who you are.

[Guardian45]

Okay. I see what you're saying.

[JSmuve]

If loving yourself was a prerequisite to being in a relationship, everyone would be single and the species would die out.

[Still-alive]

Sure but those people are likely unhappy.

We are asking about should not necessarily what happens in reality

[JSmuve]

I'd say, in a perfect world, yes, everyone would love themselves. But you shouldn't need to love yourself before getting into a relationship. Narcissists love themselves (a bit too much) and no one would say they make for great partners. All that really matters is whether you're emotionally intelligent enough to love someone in the way that they need it. Self-love is great, but for a lot of people, it's either not realistic or is a long way off into the future. You can learn to love yourself while being in a relationship.

[Still-alive]

Sure you can but you can't doubt that people who self love (and are not narcissists) tend to make better partners. In my view anyways.

[JSmuve]

They might. Depends on a) how emotionally intelligent they are, and b) how dependent they are on their partners for reassurance.

[Still-alive]

If they are secure they will have both down pretty easily.

[DaisyM23]

you can't expect someone to put you together when you can't
and it's good to be comfortable asking for things you want/need in a relationship and that generally comes with good mentality
obviously everyone has insecurities but if you don't respect yourself, you're setting yourself up for failure

[menina]

I strongly agree with this. There's no point in having someone telling you that they love you and complimenting you, if you don't feel the same love for yourself.

Also, if your self-esteem is low, you're more likely to end up in a toxic relationship.

This is one of the reasons why I'm single.

[petitedollbabee]

Yes, otherwise you’re basing your self worth on how someone treats you or what they say, and if they leave you then your self esteem crumbles.

[Nikki1989]

People have hate for themselves are more likely to attract hate from others.

[Guardian45]

Can you elaborate?

[melanieeeB]

@Guardian45 I once read that you're attracting people into your life on how you feel subconsciously about yourself. Like if you thing you're not deserving of love, you will attract more people who will treat you like shit and use you for your body and you will likely allow it, cause that's what you think you deserve. Does that make sense? I also hope that was what Nikki meant, pls correct me if I got it wrong lol

[Guardian45]

Oh, I see.

[CurlyGirl42]

I would also give that advice, not because I think it is necessary to be in a relationship, but because I think it is more important. Personal development is beneficial whatever civil status one has, and loving yourself especially.

[Heterosketero]

Love, like happiness, is not a permanent affair and grows like a plant, it needs watering to blossom. If everyone just loves themselves 100%, why do I need you? Why would we need to express love at all? We forget compassion in love.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

I try and convey this to people all the time. But really you can’t expect others to love you if you can’t even love yourself.

[midnightmoon05]

Be good to yourself. Take care of your self. Feel good about yourself… = love your self…

then, you can do for the other.

[Guardian45]

I think it is hard for another human being to love you, if you don't love yourself. It CAN'T be a one-sided equation. One has to know one's self-worth. This was my hardest lesson to learn!

[Jltakk]

You don't have to love yourself. Have some self respect and realistic views and expectations on yourself.

[Still-alive]

Its still better if you do have self love though.

[singlemombizz]

You have to love yourself, depend on yourself, be self sufficient and have a circle of friends, and others will be attracted to you.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I strongly agree, we should love ourselves before loving someone else.

[magiusX26]

that is big ole fact. the issue these days is if you truly loved yourself you would not be in a relationship seeing as how humanity and humans have become toxic parasites.

[Guardian45]

Ummm. You think EVERYONE is toxic?

[magiusX26]

have you not seen or heard any news reports in the last decade or so?

[Guardian45]

Sure I have. I used the word "EVERYONE"

[Lyndsielee666]

Sir I have bpd I can’t love myself

[Guardian45]

Hmmm. Are you being treated for it?

[Lyndsielee666]

@Guardian45 since I was 16 🥴

[Still-alive]

Ill just get you more ice cream!

[Lyndsielee666]

Obliterate the man that gave me bpd 🗣️

[dreamstar72]

I agree you should love yourself first, but there are a few who take it to the extreme

[NostalgiaSenpi]

I'm sick of that phrase.

[Still-alive]

do you disagree with it?

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Highly.

[Still-alive]

why?

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Because it's a bullshit phrase that people tell you when you can't find a partner.

[Still-alive]

so happiness is only found with a partner?

[NostalgiaSenpi]

That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm content with who I am. I just would like to experience love that other people take for granted. That's usually the response people give me.

[serious]

That is absolutely correct.

[Leopard23]

Most teenagers do that far too much.

[Anonymous]

Completely true

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Yyyyyyesn’t.