Do you think no one will love you unless you love yourself first?

Question

I always thought the concept of loving yourself was selfish and extremely narcissistic. So, I never really tried it.

But I can't help but notice the fact that the more I try to please others and think about others happiness instead of mine, I don't really go anywhere with them. In fact, I notice that my kindness pulls them away.

Meanwhile my sister who doesn't even like people, keeps a small strict social circle and never had to ask men out because they always threw themselves at her. I've never had a guy do anything for me, especially after they've known me for a while.

People say I'm nice but that's about it. I get told I'm fake a lot. It's really starting to get under my skin.

That's why I'm starting to consider doing some changes to myself.

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

Other. I have no idea. I don't "love myself." I do have self-respect and I do appreciate my personality and who I am. My physical appearance/body is another story, though.

I've always wondered if this was true or not because I see people who aren't self-actualized get into relationships all the time. Plenty of women who aren't super confident "divas" end up in relationships. Of course, we don't know if their men actually "love them" or not.

And like you, I feel the same way about "loving yourself being selfish and extremely narcissistic." I've also had plenty of experiences in that "the more I try to please others and think about others happiness, the more my kindness [repels] them away."

However, I will say that YOU are only 22. You don't exactly need to get married yet. You still have eight strong years to worry about that. If you don't meet a good man by 30 after seriously putting in effort, then yeah, you can start to worry then. But you would have barely just graduated college by your age. You've still got time to find a good guy. And you not being on the C*ck Carousel like so many other women your age already puts you at an advantage over other girls.

But yeah, I don't know about the whole "love yourself" stuff. I respect myself, but I don't "love" myself. I'm too flawed for that.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

When we were born we were all given a gift
And that gift was choice
And with choice
We get to choose who we want to be in life by the things that we say and that we do

Each day that you get older you become wiser and a little bit smarter
You will start dialing yourself in but who you want to be seen as who you want to be known by I can tell you this on your journey to finding yourself remember one thing the most important thing be 100% honest no matter what it is be honest that will take you right to where you want to go always

So I think this is a good question because this is the first day of the rest of your life once you acknowledge that you want change do you have to do something about it if you start out with honesty and only focus on honesty it will take you many dresses and you will find yourself and become who you want to be there's nothing wrong with you you have to experience things in life to understand them we all do that that's how we get to become the person we want to become experiencing things

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

For me it is kinda true.. except for most family who I myself have an unconditional love for.. but with others I need to understand what they like and love about me to accept it, and I can't really do that unless I like and love those parts about myself. In principle someone could love me, but for me to feel it I need to understand it.

honeynut-scenarios · Accepted Answer

People can still love you, but you’ll never believe it until you love yourself.

LaNc3L0TT · Answer

Let me tell you honestly, first you are young and there are so much relationships, new loves, etc in front of you. So by having some bad experiences it doesn't mean life sucks, every guy sucks...
Second, there is truth in you text, people are fond of "using/exploiting " good in side of people. And this one is always golden "never give your self fully" and you will always be at peace with those in your life. Go steady and don't expect too much and you will not overthink and get brain meltdown.

Anonymous · Answer

Not love, RESPECT! Let me tell you a truth about people. Most are self involved. They think about how everything relates to THEM ( this doesn't make them the devil lol). This isn't selfish, it's just REALITY.
Your problem is you think people pleasing will make them like you. It doesn't work that way. Doing that will only feed a person's EGO and they'll just come to expect it out of you.
You need to first look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve respect! Why? Because you're a person. God made you and loves you. And as such you're ENTITLED to respect.
Now anyone you meet look them dead in the eye, smile, and when talking to them know that they must show you respect. If they don't then don't talk to them. Treat them with the same respect they show you. In life you have to teach people how to treat you. People respect people of consequence. Not everyone is going to like you but you can demand they respect you.

Anonymous · Answer

I am the guy version of you and it's exactly the same you have said, perhaps worse. But the thing is the world is like that, that world is not good. It's full of either direct bad people or people who are hanging between good and bad and mostly lean towards bad cause it's easy. In a perfect world, guys like me and girls like you would have ended together but that's like a fairytale. You will hardly find good people to date or be friends with. Try to stop helping people you know, you are kind and love helping others that's best. But don't do favors for guys or girls that you know. Help a stranger, poor persons, volunteer in animal shelters. You can find likewise guys from there and can bond.

Zenit93 · Answer

You’ll only be attracting people who are not cut of from same cloth as you. Be yourself. If you’re surrounded by people who attract attention by being unkind, then surround yourself with other people. Don’t change who you are. Change the people you’re around.

SnakeBoop · Answer

while it isn't true. its basically always incredibly unhealthy to use others and their love for you as a front instead of loving yourself. its a way that abusers get into and manipulate others

Miristheiss · Answer

No.  That is just a platitude.

driven159 · Answer

That's were love starts in yourself

Anonymous · Answer

hard to say maybe yes maybe no

SignedAutographs · Answer

Yes I do

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