Are my problems only my problems my partner has nothing to do with it?

[Tommy2220]

• i had always seen that relationship only works when you have better communication. Recently I was struggling with some issues i texted my man and told him I’m stressed, crying ( I wanted a hug and a little chat to divert my mind) but instead of listening he became very aggressive and asked me stoping sharing anything
  Is it fine if my man says i should stop telling him how miserable i feel? If yes that what is the point of having a partner or a relationship?

Updates

+1 y

Ps: I’m a 24 yr old girl

[Anonymous]

Relationships are always complex. It could be that maybe you're oversharing with him, maybe you complain TOO much so it seems like you're always super negative and that's impacting him on a personal level because he might not feel like he's able to make/keep you happy. Guys have super fragile egos when it comes to those kinds of things.

It could also be that you're expecting constant communication from him so he feels suffocated or like he doesn't have enough space to live his own life. It could be you're just always searching for the negatives in life so your life seems to be more negative/stressful than it actually is. Maybe changing your mentality could be the issue here. He might feel like you're just playing the victim all the time so nothing will ever make you happy which is why he said that to you. It could also be that he's stressed out himself or having his own personal issues that he isn't ready to share with you so having the added issues coming from you is breaking him down. He might feel like he cannot speak to you about his personal issues because you're always having your own issues and he doesn't want to make it worse for you. It could just be that you two aren't a good fit together and you might just need to have that conversation and move on separately.

I would say the best thing for you to do at the moment is to seek out a therapist. Sometimes it helps to have someone you can vent all those emotions to that isn't directly involved in your life. It could help improve your relationships with others by allowing yourself that safe space to let out all that stress which in turn will make you happier and will give you more opportunities to have more positive conversations/relationships with people. The people in your life will want to spend more time with you when you're being more positive or when you're happier.

The point of having a partner is simply to enjoy them as people. Committing in a relationship is really just about saying that this person is the person you enjoy being around the most. It's about companionship, friendship, love, etc. Your partner is not your therapist so you should never expect them to fix you, fix your life problems, or be a constant target for your emotional distress. However, being able to talk about those issues and finding a solution with your partner within reason is very healthy. I don't know the situation exactly but from my own experience, this really seems like you just need a safe outlet for coping and you expect your partner to be that outlet without much regard for how it's actually effecting him or your relationship. Men have feelings too even if they don't express them as often as women do.

[Tommy2220]

You re right but few more details: we don’t talk daily, plus last week i was a bit upset and he was insisting me to tell him why, but when i did why he acted opposite, sometimes i feel he’s hust here for the happy me to enjoy a good company that’s it

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry to hear that :/ it might be best to weigh pros and cons of your relationship with him

[Tommy2220]

Yes he also said he doesn’t share anything with me ans expects me to do the same. Thank you for your reply

[melanieeeB]

A partner should be there so you can have someone to talk to and someone support you, I think at the end everyone has to walk on their own but a partner, friend and family should be there at your side to support you go through it

[SteveSmith1985]

I agree with you on this. I think his reaction was totally inapropriate. I think a relationship does rely on communication. Your partner is supposed to be there for you when you're stressed and need a hug, or support or a distraction.

So, no... it's not fine that your man says you should stop telling him how miserable you feel. You should be able to be open with your partner about how you're feeling.

I think you should seriously consider whether this guy is really the right partner for you.

I know for sure that if I had a girlfriend who responded that way... I'm defintitely ending that relationship. That's not an apriopriate response (his response) to your partner coming to seek support and comfort when going through something.

Generally, your problems and his problems become your (collective) problems. You're supposed to be on the same team. You're supposed to want the other person to feel happy, and to want to do whatever you can to help make them happy (especially when it's as easy as being supportive and not being a dick).

This is very black-and-white to me. He was totally in the wrong here. I think your position and feelings here are totally fair.

The problem is. You won't ever be able to convince the guy who could be such a cold-hearted dick about this... that he's wrong. He'll never understand what it is you're saying here. To him, that's NOT the role of a partner. To him you (somehow) steped outside of HIS expectations for apropriate partner behavior... by coming to him... when you were upset.

The rest of the world disagrees with him. It IS part of being a partner to be supportive. This guy's just fucked. You should really look for a better one. How can you stay with someone who doesn't give a fuck if you're upset/hurt... and won't even 'pretend' to be there for you.

[Tommy2220]

Thank you so much for taking time out. I’m for sure going to take some serious steps now. Thank you again ✨

[Guy13]

No man wants to hear a whiny and complaining WOman

[Tommy2220]

Some men like you and him are so selfish they only care about themselves, i mean I’m always available to comfort him in his anxiety attacks, he’s afraid of dark so I don’t sleep until he falls a sleep and still you think a women’s emotions are invalid I highly suggest you giys to get a emotionless sex doll.

[petitedollbabee]

It’s not okay for him to get aggressive and annoyed at you for sharing how you feel with him. You’re partners, you’re supposed to be there to lift each other up, and be there to listen to each other. He doesn’t sound supportive.

[In_Trance]

correct